I'm tired of seeing everything through such an ariel view. I pride myself on my ability to rise above any situation and see it for being truly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But I think there is another side to the coin that I need to consider.
It seems if nothing really matters then life loses focus. My band right now is doing some really cool things. Part of it is because we are making some quality material. Part of it is simply knowing the right people.
Regardless I have this defense mechanism firmly in place telling me that my success or failure in this project is no big deal. If I fail its only rock and roll. Well screw that. I think thats my fear of failure creating a cop out. I want to succeed.
We had a recording of our last show and it sounded pretty rough. Part of it was the mix but I know certain parts were truly the sign of a baby band making newbie mistakes. I hated about 75% of my vocals. I could hear the uncontrolled energy and slight nervousness that I want to eliminate to truly focus on a solid vocal performance that I believe I am capable of.
I don't want to just let it slide. I want to get better and I want to succeed and Im tired of my own lack of 100% dedication to achieving real success, whatever that may be to us....simply because I am so Zen about things. Once again screw being Zen sometimes. I do it too much and it might be a weakness in some ways.
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