Guilt

I don't know why when things are going good for me I have a consistent slight tinge of guilt/apprehension

Im not catholic. =P

But there's a superstitious part of me that feels like having it good is leading to some sort of inevitable fall or punishment. I am rational and understand this is purely my own issue but its still hard to shake. I hate it.

I am searching myself for answers. My Christian private school days? Something else?

I dig my life right now. I really do. But I feel guilty for it. Fearful.

I am scared my core is a true cynic no matter how much outward positivity I can muster. I am never fully in the moment of my good times. I hope Im not alone on this.