weird weekend

this weekend was a completely lazy, nothing accomplished, reckless, surreal and not acting my age kind of weekend. I had goals that went unmet. I think I ate two meals the whole weekend. I puked for the first time in like a year. I crashed a work christmas party, hitting on every women in the place, boyfriend in tow or not. I hung out with a nutcase who called me out of the blue. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I'm an idiot and this weekend was a bit of a waste. I really think I am starting to see the life I dont want to have. One of my hopes as I grow older was to never have regrets about missing out on being a completely self absorbed jackass. Check.

But we recorded horns finally. I have mixed feelings about the results. Of course I need to hear everything mixed properly. We'll see.

Had a flat. My tire exploded basically. Changed it in what felt like about 20 minutes. Not too bad I guess. Discount Tire is an amazing company. I had credit on the blown tire due to a warranty so my new tire only cost me 28 bucks. I love the no nonsense style of that company. They do the work the same, regardless of what you paid. If they can fix your flat, they do it for free. Their salesmanship doesn't feel shady and they are always friendly. I have nothing but good things to say about that company.

I made no commission this month. The economy hit us just enough to slow sales just below my goal. I'm poor now. Very very poor. All the more reason to focus on outside income.

scratch that....

I debated completely deleting the previous post but I am not going to. I want to remember it.

For the record I can be a real pussy sometimes. Today I totally believe I can live both lives successfully. Most probably couldn't but I am not most people and need to stop trying to find reasonable comparisons to my life. Its mine and there is not another one like it.

So booyeah.

art or commerce?

so Daniel and I met with our first drummer tonight. He was a nice guy. A couple years older than me, had his graduate degree and worked for Dell. Played in some cover bands etc.

I have a hard time being constructively critical when people are so nice. Daniel on the other hand laid out good points that struck him as being slightly off from what we need. It was true. Everything he said. We can't settle and this guy was just a dude who wanted to be in a band and play some "tunes". There are at least 8 others that we need to meet with and this guy, though nice, was not really the guy we need.

The first thing you might say is..."well did you play with him?"

And I would be with you on that. But there is more to it than that. An unspoken sort of realization that someone isn't on the same page with you. This guy had it. Maybe we are too harsh but we are going to look further. Another one tomorrow.

One thing that scares the hell out of me is that I am having a hard time switching back and forth between securing my future with a side business and staying creative with this band. It might be a limiting belief but being mister marketer and a creative person at the same time is very very hard for me. The two do no compliment each other it seems. They both detract from the other.

Are these simply limiting beliefs of what is possible or me facing a harsh reality? Am I a fucking poser either way? I know that my heroes have faced commerce and art at one point. I am not even there and I am doubting my abilities to do both. Commerce with my art is one thing but two independent ventures like this are so polar opposite from each other that I begin to wonder if I am capable of both. I don't want to have to choose. Poverty and a world of inspiration or rolling in money and giving up the only thing unique I have to offer the world? There has to be another way. I'm sure people have done both.

We need more hours in the day. I need to be able to live 2 distinct lives, free from the memory of each. I am afraid its killing my ability to tap into my emotions and create. My material is arguably semi-good as it is, I cant lose even more inspiration or I will be reduced to utter bullshit....

Daniel told me that Travis came over to drop off the drums and he couldn't bring himself to talk to him. He said he didn't take the situation like I did. He feels betrayed and pissed off at Travis. I feel the same way but I am trying to be mature. I flip back and forth.

Daniel simply feels abandoned and lied to. He feels dumped. Travis looked him in the eye and told him that he was on board with us literally a month before he left. Its not that he didn't like working with us. We could see he did. He simply cant keep his shit together to keep us a priority. He own life is so out of control and hectic that he cannot afford to dedicate himself to us. He allowed his issues to become this big a thing. Flaky bastard. Though this is Travis' shit it directly affects us and Daniel said he has nothing to say to him.

I understand this sentiment but I also see that the core of this project is still intact. We are more into this working than ever. It will happen. But I don't know how many good songs I have in me or how much I can bring to this band when I feel inspired about 10 percent of my life. I often doubt it even equals a single percentage point of my waking moments. This can't be the life of any kind of artist.

Speed Reading

Man I wish I could speed read. It sounds like a worthwhile skill to develop. Imagine being able to sit down, take a several hundred page book and finish it in about 30 minutes, having thoroughly retained a good portion of the information.

New skills could be developed practically overnight. Im reading an ebook right now called Maximum Profit - Direct Marketing that teaches all about using the mail to market products and services. Its long. Its boring. But its full of great things that will help me. If I could read this in an hour and then be able to go off and do it right, how cool would that be?

I've seen speed readers that literally cover pages within a couple seconds. Its mind blowing but apparently your brain is that powerful. It can be trained to take in massive amounts of visual information. I think I should look into this. But I probably wont. =)

a 1....and a 2....and a 1...2...3...4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MEANINGFULLY ABSURD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

There are so many people I want to thank. okay. Actually there are just a few people I want to thank who keep up with my life. But they are very very important to me.

My life is completely different than when I started this little thing. That's they way it should be.

Blogging is so self indulgent. Its addicting. Its theraputic. Its a great way to remember things. Its also a great way to share way too much information with people. I can never run for public office now.

Good.

http://meaningfullyabsurd.blogspot.com/2007/12/first-post-ever.html

Putting things off

I'm really bad about putting things off that aren't necessarily pleasant for me.

But I think I am turning a corner. Last night I was working on my little side project to make some extra cash. I have since hit a roadblock that needs outside tech help. No problem. I am fortunate enough to have access to the guy who created the product and his entire crew of geniuses.

So I have been in contact with his best affiliate. This guy makes the most money doing exactly what I will be doing. He is helping me set up the process to get things started.

incredible opportunity.

Yet I found myself staring at my computer screen last night not wanting to call the guy. Slightly nervous about sounding stupid, a little lazy not wanting to deal with this technical crap and a few other tiny little emotions that usually create me putting something off.

Then it hit me. I have access to this guy's brain. People pay him money to hear what he has to say. I am stupid for putting this off and not jumping on this opportunity to talk to him.

So I called. Voicemail. No problem. He immediately IMed me from Gmail (gmail rocks by the way), said he is on a webinar and will call me at 8PM Pacific time. I had over an hour to wait so I fired up some of the marketing videos my boss has allowed me access to (once again expensive things I get for free) and made use of every minute waiting for that guy to call. By the time he called I was so worked up about getting this project going that I probably sounded too friendly.

Anyway I got some good advice from him and the technical help I needed.

I can see why success eludes so many people. Stepping outside of what you are familiar with is uncomfortable but its the only way I will rise about myself and start to see a new financial life. I have always seen myself as being successful someday. Now its time to actually take those steps toward doing it.

Next tuesday is a marketer meet and greet downtown. Austin actually has some of the big boys living here so I am going to go and rub elbows with these guys and see what happens.

I also emailed a guy I had worked with in the past on some marketing and he is wanting to hire me for part time consulting for his product he is looking to sell. I have no clue what to charge him. But I realized that my brain is now full of things that people actually dont know and are willing to pay people to learn. This is a good thing.

This is a long post but I am in the zone today. The video last night had an amazing story that inspired the hell out of me. The speaker is a guy named John Reese who is a brilliant and very successful marketer and he was talking about how he was around the dot com boom when people were buying domain names for insane amounts of money.

He was 24, dead broke and in massive debt and had bought a few domain names for several hundred dollars. Back then it took several weeks to get approval (now its instantaneous).

Someone contacted him and said they would like to buy his domain name. He was thrilled. They offered $1000. He said he danced around his apartment and bragged to everyone he knew. A few days later the guy called and had some papers that needed to be finalized.

The guy felt guilty and confessed to John that he brokered the domain he bought from John for $1 Million dollars.

Ouch.

John said he proceeded to sit in his room for 3 days in a deep deep depression.

He later realized that rather than wallow in it, he wanted to be like that broker. He obviously was on the right path having chosen a name that could pull a million bucks. He came out of it with a new view of things and what was possible. He then went on to being on of the most successful domain brokers ever.

Anyway the videos are excellent. I am going out of my head with anticipation for getting things moving. The little nuts and bolts of it drive me crazy though. I hate the technical aspect of getting these things moving.

Tomorrow is a Big Day. Sort of. An anniversary. Stay tuned....

why my job is good for me

the level of organization I have to have is ridiculous. Its only going to help my business endeavors.

The air is pregnant with possibility... I just need to step forward and do it.