Dream - Death and the Cave

had another dream that felt important.

I was back at the old house. Down the hill was a cave. There was a staircase that lead to a very dark section of the cave. In this dark little section was a seal that if you sit on it, spirits surround you and visit you. The only catch is when you take part in this experience, you die.

For some reason my grandmother told me that I had to take part in this. She was younger. Maybe in her 50s, early 60s. She wasn't deeply upset telling me this. It was more like something bittersweet and to be accepted. I found myself walking down the hill alone towards this cave. It sort of reminded me of Empire Strikes Back when Luke went into that part of the forest alone and fought himself. I think as I was walking to this cave I thought of that in my dream. But all trace of irony and humor was lacking here. I was heavy with the realization that I was literally walking down the hill to my death.

I went into the cave and saw the staircase. It was dark and scary but I remember being disconnected from the fear enough to remain pretty calm. The realization of this being my last moments alive dawned on me and I went back outside awhile to take in the world one more time. The sun was setting and reflected off the water like thousands of gold flecks. I was acutely aware of the beauty of everything. It was a windy day. I didn't want to leave.

I walked back into the cave, looked at the staircase and then completely changed my mind and left. The dream gets totally random at that point so nothing really worth talking about but that part was so grave and sad. I was totally alone. Enjoying the world one last time before walking up that narrow stone staircase into the darkness, to my death. I couldn't do it. I was supposed to. But I didnt.

recording soon

next month we hit the studio. We have been working hard on overdubs and getting things right. I am excited and ready for the next step in our careers. I am 100% clueless as to what kind of response we will have to the album.

lost my wallet

crazy night for david's birthday. Now I am wallet-less and a bit pissed about it.

I did however jump off a balcony into a pool. That was great.

10-10-10

ACL was pretty cool. Great weather and a decent lineup. The National being the standout for me.

They were inspiring and transitioned to the live environment well. I was there with my girlfriend, my roommate and his sister. We all enjoyed each other, laughed a lot and drank lots of beer. A joint was introduced at one point. Good times.

Now its back to the real world. We have an album to start recording next month. I have new clients to meet with.

Ill post those updates as they transpire.

birthday #32

Okay so it was cool. About 10 people showed up which was right about what I guessed it would be. We had fun. I got drunk and threw up. First time in a long time. Pinnacle of maturity!

A friend took me to Roaring Fork for a nice dinner before meeting everyone out. Very sweet of her and I am ashamed that I ended up puking it up at my front door. At least it wasnt on Abes carpet. But its my birthday!

I got a raise at work and a possible new client so that is also great.

Finally we are playing a legendary Austin music venue tomorrow night. So yeah this has been a pretty great week all around.

Words of Wisdom:

Okay 32. About the same as 31. Sort of. Not really.

I am aware of time's passing now more than ever. For some reason I feel rushed to do amazing things before suburban life takes over and I have a nagging wife and expensive children. (I say this partly with tongue planted firmly in cheek)

And that's the thing. I want to learn how to re-associate new emotions to this fear. I told my friend over dinner that I know exactly what has to happen in my head. I have to believe that marriage and kids equals freedom rather than a limitation. I have to not let the media and my preconceived illusions rule my decisions. Because I know that its all in my perceptions and I don't necessarily have the healthiest view of this whole adulthood thing. Because reality and meaning is totally up to me.

I know that life after the age of 35 doesn't have to be a cheesy sitcom. I know it doesn't stop being exciting at 40. And I simply wont stand for it. Boredom is not an option.

So that's on my mind a lot. Securing my finances, recording this album, making new friends, cultivating the friendships I already have, learning about my new girlfriend, exploring the world, learning as much as I can all the time (Ive been reading a lot lately) and just trying not to take anything for granted and remember to be present in this moment right here. Not worried or stressed about things in the past or whats to come too much because it means nothing anyway.

So not necessarily anything revolutionary (Im no Robert Frost) but there it is.

PS Grandma turns 86 today. Wow.

Birthday tomorrow

Going to have a few folks join me at a cool little place called Shangrila tomorrow night to celebrate turning 32.

My girlfriend (whaaaa?) got me a book on songwriting that I lent to a friend years ago and lost. It has been updated with some new people and its a welcomed return to my library. She also got me Coming to America the movie and a joke present... fiber supplements because I am always constipated (around her at least)

Finally we are headlining the legendary Austin venue Antone's Saturday night. Total right place right time situation but very cool. Album starting in November.

Thoughts on being 32 tomorrow. Figured I'd made that a yearly trend.

First off this will make you smile so check it out:

http://hypem.com/track/616167/Vampire+Weekend+-+Everywhere+Fleetwood+Mac+Cover+

Secondly, I realized today that I simply cannot continue to work from home in the isolated way that I have been. I am losing my mind slowly. I begin to think dark thoughts and feel bad about everything. The funny thing is I have been battling it for awhile, mad at myself for this aspect of my humanity.

But I realized this is what everyone goes through in isolation. Holy shit Im human.

Of course this touches on something interesting. I have a lot of moments where I beat myself up for what i later realize is me just being a person. Why do I think I have to have some sort of superhuman drive to succeed, untouchable confidence and unshakable internal peace all the time. Fuck it.

I need human contact. It helps me get there. And that's not a weakness.

PS Today is Loreeces birthday. Feels like yesterday I wrote that in this blog.