I woke up in someone else's life
new face
new toothbrush
I did the dirty dishes and had arguments
I toasted stranger-friends for their support
and suffered for the good of a foreign relationship
All the while my hands were not mine
fixing broken dresser drawers
gripping the steering wheel
waiting for two kids to stop screwing around back there
How long will this last…
This brand new face?
When I will I get back to whatever it was I knew before this?
Was I happier?
I don't remember now
I can still open the door when it rains
so its not all bad.
its just different
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
this is for me
just a little bit
for you and your friends
with their perfume hair flip
so much stock
so much stock
in this
but really what do you mean
you can't stay for drinks
what do you mean
i wait for nothing at all
technology fails me
frequencies let you down
weak bass response
shaky voice
but its pure
don't be a bitch
its pure
i think your belly is a garden
full of weeds and stupid dreams
you say "like" too much
but planets orbit your every word
He still has your jacket
go get it
go get it
I will drive you there
just a little bit
for you and your friends
with their perfume hair flip
so much stock
so much stock
in this
but really what do you mean
you can't stay for drinks
what do you mean
i wait for nothing at all
technology fails me
frequencies let you down
weak bass response
shaky voice
but its pure
don't be a bitch
its pure
i think your belly is a garden
full of weeds and stupid dreams
you say "like" too much
but planets orbit your every word
He still has your jacket
go get it
go get it
I will drive you there
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
idiot wind
"You'll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above,
And I'll never know the same about you,
your holiness or your kind of love,
And it makes me feel so sorry."
I can't even read this without losing it.
And I'll never know the same about you,
your holiness or your kind of love,
And it makes me feel so sorry."
I can't even read this without losing it.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
These posts just keep getting more and more sparse. I have just as much to say I suppose just not enough motivation to document it. Kind of a shame I know.
I am planning on a lot of trips this year... including Chicago later this month, Washington DC in April, Denver, Hawaii and maybe more if I can find some folks who want to hang out. Im getting restless in Austin. I still love this town but I need to explore a little more then come back and realize how great it is here.
I've formed an LLC, met with a CPA, opened biz accounts/credit cards etc. I am doing my business for real and its good to have focus. I can handle a little loneliness if this will get me set up for my future. Its all about balance so I am making sure I am still playing open mics and visiting with the few friends I have here as much as possible. And taking said trips. But work is by far the bulk of my day and the isolation can be hard at times.
So yes 2014 is all about balance for me. The identities I used to believe I held are not written in stone. I know of few people with such vastly different interests and lifestyles. I still want to start another band. I still want to take this business further. Who does that? I associate with both types of people and feel like I am not fully a part of either world. This is not a new emotion for me. Forever the outsider. Guessing its more common than I realize. Maybe not.
There's a quote by a guy called Robert Glover. Its more of a concept. He says that whatever happens in your life you should ask yourself "Is this a gift?" Since everything only has the meaning you assign it then it makes sense to see every experience as a potential gift in your life. Of course some things are just shitty and dont apply but a lot of it probably does. My frequent isolation is not a fluke. Its a part of my life. It sticks around. Its a part of my life I try to run from. And maybe its not as bad as I think it is. It might be a gift.
At this very moment I am listening to music, drinking wine and having 1 cigarette for the evening. I wont smoke another. Its my balance. And its pretty great.
I am planning on a lot of trips this year... including Chicago later this month, Washington DC in April, Denver, Hawaii and maybe more if I can find some folks who want to hang out. Im getting restless in Austin. I still love this town but I need to explore a little more then come back and realize how great it is here.
I've formed an LLC, met with a CPA, opened biz accounts/credit cards etc. I am doing my business for real and its good to have focus. I can handle a little loneliness if this will get me set up for my future. Its all about balance so I am making sure I am still playing open mics and visiting with the few friends I have here as much as possible. And taking said trips. But work is by far the bulk of my day and the isolation can be hard at times.
So yes 2014 is all about balance for me. The identities I used to believe I held are not written in stone. I know of few people with such vastly different interests and lifestyles. I still want to start another band. I still want to take this business further. Who does that? I associate with both types of people and feel like I am not fully a part of either world. This is not a new emotion for me. Forever the outsider. Guessing its more common than I realize. Maybe not.
There's a quote by a guy called Robert Glover. Its more of a concept. He says that whatever happens in your life you should ask yourself "Is this a gift?" Since everything only has the meaning you assign it then it makes sense to see every experience as a potential gift in your life. Of course some things are just shitty and dont apply but a lot of it probably does. My frequent isolation is not a fluke. Its a part of my life. It sticks around. Its a part of my life I try to run from. And maybe its not as bad as I think it is. It might be a gift.
At this very moment I am listening to music, drinking wine and having 1 cigarette for the evening. I wont smoke another. Its my balance. And its pretty great.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
A big part of my life has gone completely undocumented on this blog.
Right around June 1st of this year I met a woman. We broke up this week. So yes I have spent a lot of 2013 with her, trying to make something work that I had strong reservations about from the get-go.
While good times were had, the bulk of the relationship was me feeling mostly stressed and uneasy. I fought the good fight and did my best but there came a point where I realized our differences were too much.
As usual there is a lot more Id like to document but realize this is a public forum of sorts. But this experience was impactful enough to remember forever so let's just leave it at that.
Right around June 1st of this year I met a woman. We broke up this week. So yes I have spent a lot of 2013 with her, trying to make something work that I had strong reservations about from the get-go.
While good times were had, the bulk of the relationship was me feeling mostly stressed and uneasy. I fought the good fight and did my best but there came a point where I realized our differences were too much.
As usual there is a lot more Id like to document but realize this is a public forum of sorts. But this experience was impactful enough to remember forever so let's just leave it at that.
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