Bertrand Russell

I am reading The Conquest of Happiness. While dated, Russell nails a lot of important things that make the book worthy of reading. We'll get back to that in a second...

The other day I took two of my friends out on the sailboat and had an awesome day.

In the car on the way to the lake we began discussing stuff we normally talk about. One of the guys was born a Hindu and has a lot of out-of-the-box thinking that I find totally refreshing. He said something about how its important to find something bigger than yourself to believe in. Not necessarily a God (The other friend is an atheist) but something that helps you realize that the world is much bigger than you are.

Then today while reading this book Russell said this...

"The man who can center his thoughts and hopes upon something transcending self can find a certain peace in the ordinary troubles of life which is impossible to the pure egoist"

As I get older I find this is the crux of a lot of my issues. I am usually completely consumed with myself. My thoughts, my actions, what they mean and how they affect others. Its been that way since I was a child. It makes perfect sense that the more you try to dissect the complicated people we are, the more confounded and depressed you will become.

Sure its important to understand yourself but there has to be a line drawn as to what is important to focus on, and what is simply an overdeveloped ego bordering on narcissism.

Definitely glad to be considering these new integrations into my life.

It's Friday night and Im sitting at home. Went to pick up some food and got stopped by a cop. Dead headlight. Suddenly Im happy I didn't go out tonight. That could have been very bad.

I have not written in this blog in a month. Nothing terribly interesting going on. I have two new clients and Im a bit nervous about them panning out long term. I need them to. The first half of 2013 has been a little tight.

I've been sailing every week for about 3 weeks now which has been fun. My friend and I went with two attractive women last week so that was a nice day. Im getting the hang of reading the wind and making the boat do what I want it to do. The wind was so strong last week that it threw us around like rag dolls. I just dropped the sail and turned the engine on like an amateur. But we got back in one piece.

Speaking of attractive women... my dating life is in the feast period as opposed to famine. It cycles around so I know not to get excited or down with every pass but I am enjoying myself for the time being. As usual weird things happen when I am content with my dating life. Women text that I haven't spoken to in forever. I seriously think there is something to this but I can't possibly say what it is.

I've been recording a lot more which is good but I am not working as much because of it so I need to manage my time better.

Im not working out enough. I think Im doing once, maybe twice per week. Not good enough. Im having a hard time getting motivated to exercise.

And I just bored myself to sleep.

I just have to accept that its going to take a very long time to master Ableton. I bought a midi keyboard and this really helped the creative process to be able to actually play the notes rather than draw them. Still its daunting to stare at the interface and want it to do what you want it to do but it only gives you back the crap you put into it.

And not just the technical stuff. Knowing that I can now do pretty much anything without creative restrictions reminds me of how mediocre I can be.

I remember when I was using a cheap program 10 years ago to record stuff I would slave for hours over a tiny little feature and celebrate when I finally got it to work.  This software reduces those glorious moments of innovation and inspiration to a simple click of the mouse. Technology cheapens things again.

Its weird how unlimited potential can paralyze you where you stand.

You can leave a cigarette behind. You don't have to smoke it. Just go inside and write about stuff that makes you feel important.

I watched Manhattan tonight and realized that the best comedy meets neuroticism was pulled off by Woody Allen. All the things I have been trying to hide from women are nothing new. All the things I think that hold me back have been spoken and lauded.

It doesnt solve a thing. But it brings me closer to humanity. I'm not alone. But its still a movie.

Back!

Great great trip I totally didn't expect. I ate amazing sushi, hung with musicians who have played with very famous people, got paid decently for the work, saw some of the most beautiful parts of America and went on a terrible date that bordered on comedy.

The Bay Area is a incredible but Im back in Austin and once again reminded how great this city still is. We played a show last night and people hit the roof. It became a dance party and we had some awesome audience participation going.

Now its time to focus. I have a big potential job interview I need to prepare for, meet with a new client and have a meeting with an old client to get some stuff going again. Bring it.

More breathtaking views and drives. That building is a recording studio and thats their patio view.

Hwy 101 has to be one of the prettiest stretches of road in America. I could just drive and drive and not realize it. Texas is just one flat boring trip but the 101 is windy and full of surprises.

My hotel is just North of San Francisco in a cool little town called Corte Madera. I drove around town today and snapped some photos. Such a beautiful countryside. Flawless weather. The rumors are true.

Before I forget... The day before I left (yesterday evening) I actually approached a woman, told her I thought she was adorable and said I wanted to take her out. She smiled genuinely and told me she had a boyfriend or she would have said yes.

I felt good about that. I want to return to Austin and continue this streak of being bolder. Driving on this awesome highway is just too pretty to keep doing alone and I realized that its going to take me stepping outside of my comfort zone in Austin to meet someone cool.

Not that I am not enjoying this. But man a hottie in a sundress beside me would crank this trip up to an 11.