battling swine

i feel a little like crap but I am doing all I can to keep it in check.

flying dreams

I have a recurring dream where I can fly. I just focus for a few seconds and then lift off the ground and fly around doing whatever I want. I have these dreams often. At first I was scared to let people know I could do this so I flew around in secret but lately the dreams involve me open with people about my abilities. (out of the closet flyer??)

They are always very pleasant dreams. Something about the way I have to work a bit to make it happen also feels significant. Lucid dreaming is cool.

more benefits?

We are playing this Saturday at another benefit in Dallas.

http://www.rockthecampus.org/

Apparently its a legit show. The sound is done by the folks who did Bonnaroo. Press will be there and its on a college campus so were hoping to get in front of a decent crowd.

terrible gig

the benefit was a technical disaster. I knew things were going to be bad when Daniel tried to sing into the mic and the janky ass mic stand snapped off into his hands. It was all downhill from there.

but it was for a good cause. Still.

I did get the balls to approach a cute red-head later that night. Im laughing to myself right now because after I got her number I said;

"Yeah maybe we can go to Target sometime and play wiffleball."

If that doesnt win her over shes worthless. ;)

Happy Birthday Jessie Pearl Maker

I love you lots

QC Cong photography

A really nice guy with his family snapped some great pics of us at the Gallery Walk. He is letting us have them for nothing. His family cheered us on. Apparently we are huge in the 8th grade demographic. =)

It was a lot of fun. Next up... the Lukemia and Lymphoma Society benefit tomorrow night at 7:30 PM. That one is going to feel good to play.



more of his stuff can be seen at http://www.xophotography.net/

juicy karaoke secrets...

Went out for karaoke a few nights ago. We met up with group of folks. There was a guy in the group there with his girlfriend. One of those post frat kinda party guys. Fun to talk to, a bit loud and drunk.

It wouldn't have seemed strange at all had I not known this man is beyond gay.

I had met him on some river float trip a couple years ago so that's how I knew. Its strange to me because there is practically no way you would ever guess the dude was gay. It would be one of those things you would say I was completely insane to think it. Especially since he has a girlfriend...

I learned from my friend who knows him well that his family is rich and told him that if he doesn't have a "normal" relationship, he is cut out of the family fortune. So this man has chosen to live a lie for the rest of his life. With a woman he is not sexually attracted to. I felt bad for her because she is clueless. My friend said he comes up with excuses for his lack of libido... drunk...tired whatever. I felt bad for him also. What a terrible way to live your life just to get at a chunk of money. The most extreme way to waste two people's time that I can think of.

Carol Brown

Cant stop listening to this. The chorus of women singing kills me. Its funny and sort of sad at the same time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cGoDns8wTA

more dreams about the house

I had a dream I was looking through old pictures and saw a pic of the backyard. Then the picture sort of morphed into me actually being there. Everything was frozen like in the picture. My old beagle was curled up on the lawn, sleeping in the sun. It was a beautiful day. I could see everything clearly. The plants were all healthy and green. I became very very upset that the image was no longer real and simply the stuff of memories. Strange how something that vivid in my head simply does not exist anymore.

I miss the house. I still have the key on my keychain. Dont think Ill ever take it off.

Sometimes I wonder about the afterlife. I fantasize that in that place you can pretty much conjur up any pleasant reality you want and experience it. This dream would be one of them. Id make the back yard real again and play with my old dog for awhile. I miss her too.

shows and more

things are picking up. Booking agents, new venues etc. Good stuff.

shame...

is an interesting emotion.

cursing

abe brought up a good point. I curse too much. I never realized it but I really do go overboard sometimes. A lot actually. Something to work on.

Thoughts on 31...

Officially in my thirties this month.

Here is what I have been thinking about:

My belief in destiny is changing. As a kid I believed things happened for a reason. I wouldn't say I have completely abandoned the belief but when I think about how simple decisions can completely change the way your life plays out, I start to doubt the concept of some clear-cut destiny for any of us.

Call it weathered idealism but I am starting to feel like "meaning" in the sense I used to know does not exist. I hope I come back around one day and feel differently. Its very disorienting to feel like were just floating around in chaos.

I have a friend who every time we get on the subject of something uncomfortable that has happened to her, she pulls out the "everything happens for a reason" card.

I ask her if she really feels that way. She admits its probably just so she can sleep at night. Shes a smart girl. I just don't know how I feel about fate anymore. Do some things happen for a reason? Why those and not others? I'm no fatalist so decisions about what to have for lunch are probably not even recorded in the universes history but what if that decision leads to something bigger like food poisoning which leads to a day in bed where you come up with an idea for the better mousetrap. Then you get filthy rich and meet your soulmate. =)

So what of fate? Someone tell me its not chaos. I start to worry.

Yet a few experiences in my life give me hope that its not all 100% devoid of meaning. I am grateful for them and glad they happened.

rain... ah

apparently we are in the midst of a drought not seen since the 50s. The rain is welcomed. I just realized it has been a LONG time since it rained here.

We were contacted by a company that books shows in the warehouse district.

Apparently we were spoken highly of by another band we have played with in the past so that feels good to get a word of mouth recommendation that furthers our exposure. Our new stuff is good. The fun aspect of the band has worn off a bit in the sense that it doesnt feel super new and exciting but Im actually okay with that. I want to settle into a more workman like mode and crank out solid material.

That means egos will be bruised. Mine as well. Fuck it its gotta happen.

random thought

what if you were in a situation where there were no way to know what day it was? That would feel strange. Its like I need to know if its Thursday for some reason. Of course in this hypothetical example jobs are removed.

I remember when my Grandmother was taking care of her cousin, an old woman, who just laid in bed for months on end... in and out of sanity and consciousness. I dont know how long she was in that state before passing away. Im guessing many months, maybe about a year.

One day she opened her eyes, looked over at my grandmother and told her that today is such and such a date and year.

And she nailed it. Quite odd.

weird

todays post mentioned loreece. Its her birthday today. I was watching the film just as it turned Sept 8th.

cool.

Bukowski: Born Into This

Great documentary about him.

Loreece first introduced me to him with the book Love is a Dog From Hell.

He could offend me and then on the next page make me cry.

Here is a poem from the film. He reads it outloud

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

kick in the chest

we sort of floundered around entering a contest to play ACL and didnt get our shit together in time.

Now a band that we have played with, and feel on par with, is in the running to play ACL.

I feel sick. really.

i still feel very weird

not sure what it is. Sometimes I feel completely in control of things and other times I feel like life is sort of blowing around me like a giant pile of swirling leaves and Im just kinda frozen staring into it.

but nothing has changed drastically so I'm trying to piece together exactly what is causing these weird emotions.