Post # 201

so here comes 2009.

its going to be eventful. Everything is different now. Different band situation, different job, different friends, different lover (s?)

What am I in store for? Who cares other than myself?

One time someone asked John Wayne what courage meant to him...if it meant being fearless.

He said that "courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway"

That kind of simplistic inspiration kinda makes me want to cry. How manly is that?

So lets end 2008 with that thought until the new year. me crying. Stay safe everyone. See you on the other side.

Christmas

This year Grandma is still in the hospital. I just learned that she was moments away from losing her entire foot due to a lack of circulation. The surgery worked so bloodflow is solid again. She is out of ICU and in her own room. They are going to try to get her to walk within the coming days.

Thats the good news and something we are thankful for.

Selfishly I am not looking forward to going to Houston for Christmas. There's a good chance it will be in the hospital in Pasafuckingdena Texas. The twinkling refineries and smell of sweet sweet chemicals will be the backdrop of the holiday season. The beeping machines and television theme songs drifting down echoey hallways will be our carols.

bleh.

Michael Jackson

I was reading yet another strange article about him. If he is any indication of the price of notoreity, I want nothing to do with it.

And if you have kids you will do them a favor and keep them out of it as well.

certainty

you know what my problem is? I am not certain of anything.

I seriously have few things I am die hard convicted and certain about. I want to be. I really do.

Diplomacy and level-headed objectivity can be a weakness. Hard headed people may piss you off but at least you know they have convictions.

flaking..

2 drummers have canceled on us. I know they are notoriously flaky but come on.

tonight's going to be cool. A host of interesting bands at Emo's and a super-cute girl meeting me there. Shes a twin.

speaking of flaking...we'll see.

your LOL for the day...

http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/armless_legless_tiger_woods

12 Laws of Life

I generally run from any kind of self help lists about how to live. I envision meek overly enthusiastic cat lovers sending chain mail forwards with angels and rainbows.

I am a fan of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Its a pretty complex topic but basically boils down to a category of self improvement that is gaining a lot of respect and attention as of late. It focuses on the internal world you create for yourself and how it affects the external world you experience. It is known for modeling successful people from various professions and attempts to come up with basic fundamental truths about having an exceptional quality of life. It also has cool internal exercises that people swear has changed the way they move through and perceive their experiences. ANYWAY...

here is a list of the 12 laws of life from a well-known NLP blog. I agree with them and have recently began seeing these truths in my own life so I thought I would share...

http://nlpco.com/news/2008/12/11/toms-twelve-laws-of-life/

a witches teat

went out last night. kinda dragged out by a friend of mine who lost his job and is bored out of his mind. Poor guy is an engineer but is having a tough time finding work. The economy has made its way to my life (no commissions) and people I actually know(getting laid off).

I may be paid peanuts right now but my boss is doing fine so knock on wood...

It was bitingly cold last night. My jacket is in Houston. The band was absolutely terrible. There was a chick walking around that was dressed like Mary Poppins.

I regret going out. BUT. I didn't have a single drink or smoke a single cigarette. I went to bed thankful for it. Now I'm partaking in my new found vice. gourmet coffee.

Tonight I am going to do more work-from-home research.

Grandma is in the hospital. Its apparently a minor surgery making up for a complication for her previous surgery. I'm not worried yet but a bit uneasy. Still it sucks because she is not going to be able to go to Louisiana for Christmas. I hope she at least gets out before the 25th. I will attending Kevin's graduation this weekend so its a perfect chance to visit her in the hospital if she is still there.

I dread the coming years in that respect. I already mentally prepare myself for some bad news about her when I see my Mom's phone number come up on my phone. If I hear a lilt of cheerfulness I know its cool. Its that businesslike tone I fear.

But this is a minor thing so no worries yet.

Speaking of Kevin graduating...give this dude some props. 3 years studying a difficult subject, working full time and trying to have a meaningful relationship. Bravo.

holy crap our website is coming along nicely...got cool photos up now... www.legsagainstarms.com

Oprah

is anyone else annoyed that Oprah controls the buying habits of millions of Americans?

I wanted this when I first saw it.

The sales numbers were awful until Oprah raved about it. Now you cant get one without being on a waiting list.

America is full of drones. Mindless vacuums waiting to be told what to do, read and spend their money on. For some reason this just pisses me off right now.

PS. the price has skyrocketed since I read about it months ago.

good weekend

this weekend was pretty cool. I still sort of wasted it but i did it without feeling hungover. Had one of those glorious open the window naps on Sunday afternoon. The day was breezy and perfect.

My friend Abe bought a house. Its a good market to buy a house. He said its already worth about 10,000 more than he bought it for. Instant equity. Pretty cool. After a year hes going to refinance, get the payments low and rent it out to people for a nice little positive cashflow.

I need to get my shit together and do something like this.

My friend Michelle is moving to Virginia with her new boyfriend. She came by to hang out and say goodbye. I questioned whether she should be moving with a guy she barely knows and wondered if she had any reservations. In the middle of talking about it she just sort of fell apart and told me how scared she was of making a bad decision.

We went to dinner with Abe, laughed a lot, and afterwards I made the goodbye quick and casual but I could see in her eyes she was sad to be leaving. Another friend scatters. I wish her luck. There's a good chance shell be back. :)

Worked more on the website. Worked meaning we got together and made decisions about what we liked, didnt like etc and passed it onto the web guy. We had some differing opinions but overall are pretty happy with everything. We meet another drummer wednesday and record thursday. The EP is almost done.

the end

snl

makes some damn good songs these days...this is ridiculously funny.

jizz in my pants...

Jeeze I feel good

not sure why. nothings different than yesterday.

music is one of the most important things in the universe. i say this with absolute sincerity.

emotional lockup

I just realized something. If I go too long without listening to good music...I mean really listening...and this usually means exploring new music...I start to lose my abilities to feel things on a meaningful level.

As melodramatic as that sounds its true. A new song can hit me just so, and a flood of feelings just rushes over me. Like.."where the hell have you been...here comes a little glimmer of what its like to be human again." and that totally rhymed so I know im in the zone.

And this is terrible because I dont listen to new music much lately. I tend to stick with what I have in my computer.

By the way I was listening to American Music Club's All the Lost Souls Welcome You to San Francisco when it hit me... It made me want to be in Europe again strangely. It made me make little movies of a life I never had but desperately want...and actually forgot I wanted.

I wanted a girlfriend (gasp!)...I wanted to smile with friends around me at some amazing party where we were all attending. All the people I love...in one place..no distance between us.

I think for my health i am going to buy several new CDs tomorrow.

I cant even imagine

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/12/09/military.jet.crash/index.html

seriously take whatever stupid thing you are worried about, pissed off at, or moaning over and just shut the hell up.

Making Money on the Internets

So I hung out with about 50 people who all make their money on the internet. They throw out numbers that would boggle anyone's mind. Making $50,000 in one day is not uncommon for some of these folks. My friend Mike is taking his entire company on a month long skiiing trip where they will work from their laptops one day, ski the next, work the next etc.

My boss doesn't see things the same way unfortunately.

I don't need that kind of money to be happy really. I do notice that everyone is always striving for more. I guess its just human to want more but I wonder if I would experience the same feeling. I know I have a slight fear of success which apparently is a very real phenomenon that many of these people talk about.

But I integrated well with them and I believe I am still on the outskirts of this kind of thing but my foot is firmly in the door. I just gotta figure out the angle I want to go.

bolstering strength....

for the info marketer meeting. People who literally make what I make in a year...in a few days. Its already started but Im waiting for a friend of mine to roll in there about the same time as me. Actually. Screw it. I'm going now.

Proof Karma exists

OJ is going to prison. Enough said.

Seriously though you would think after literally getting away with murder that you might want to lay low FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Idiot.

this article is real...

http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUSN0746551320081207


Hey lets combine car commercials and church!!!

weird weekend

this weekend was a completely lazy, nothing accomplished, reckless, surreal and not acting my age kind of weekend. I had goals that went unmet. I think I ate two meals the whole weekend. I puked for the first time in like a year. I crashed a work christmas party, hitting on every women in the place, boyfriend in tow or not. I hung out with a nutcase who called me out of the blue. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I'm an idiot and this weekend was a bit of a waste. I really think I am starting to see the life I dont want to have. One of my hopes as I grow older was to never have regrets about missing out on being a completely self absorbed jackass. Check.

But we recorded horns finally. I have mixed feelings about the results. Of course I need to hear everything mixed properly. We'll see.

Had a flat. My tire exploded basically. Changed it in what felt like about 20 minutes. Not too bad I guess. Discount Tire is an amazing company. I had credit on the blown tire due to a warranty so my new tire only cost me 28 bucks. I love the no nonsense style of that company. They do the work the same, regardless of what you paid. If they can fix your flat, they do it for free. Their salesmanship doesn't feel shady and they are always friendly. I have nothing but good things to say about that company.

I made no commission this month. The economy hit us just enough to slow sales just below my goal. I'm poor now. Very very poor. All the more reason to focus on outside income.

scratch that....

I debated completely deleting the previous post but I am not going to. I want to remember it.

For the record I can be a real pussy sometimes. Today I totally believe I can live both lives successfully. Most probably couldn't but I am not most people and need to stop trying to find reasonable comparisons to my life. Its mine and there is not another one like it.

So booyeah.

art or commerce?

so Daniel and I met with our first drummer tonight. He was a nice guy. A couple years older than me, had his graduate degree and worked for Dell. Played in some cover bands etc.

I have a hard time being constructively critical when people are so nice. Daniel on the other hand laid out good points that struck him as being slightly off from what we need. It was true. Everything he said. We can't settle and this guy was just a dude who wanted to be in a band and play some "tunes". There are at least 8 others that we need to meet with and this guy, though nice, was not really the guy we need.

The first thing you might say is..."well did you play with him?"

And I would be with you on that. But there is more to it than that. An unspoken sort of realization that someone isn't on the same page with you. This guy had it. Maybe we are too harsh but we are going to look further. Another one tomorrow.

One thing that scares the hell out of me is that I am having a hard time switching back and forth between securing my future with a side business and staying creative with this band. It might be a limiting belief but being mister marketer and a creative person at the same time is very very hard for me. The two do no compliment each other it seems. They both detract from the other.

Are these simply limiting beliefs of what is possible or me facing a harsh reality? Am I a fucking poser either way? I know that my heroes have faced commerce and art at one point. I am not even there and I am doubting my abilities to do both. Commerce with my art is one thing but two independent ventures like this are so polar opposite from each other that I begin to wonder if I am capable of both. I don't want to have to choose. Poverty and a world of inspiration or rolling in money and giving up the only thing unique I have to offer the world? There has to be another way. I'm sure people have done both.

We need more hours in the day. I need to be able to live 2 distinct lives, free from the memory of each. I am afraid its killing my ability to tap into my emotions and create. My material is arguably semi-good as it is, I cant lose even more inspiration or I will be reduced to utter bullshit....

Daniel told me that Travis came over to drop off the drums and he couldn't bring himself to talk to him. He said he didn't take the situation like I did. He feels betrayed and pissed off at Travis. I feel the same way but I am trying to be mature. I flip back and forth.

Daniel simply feels abandoned and lied to. He feels dumped. Travis looked him in the eye and told him that he was on board with us literally a month before he left. Its not that he didn't like working with us. We could see he did. He simply cant keep his shit together to keep us a priority. He own life is so out of control and hectic that he cannot afford to dedicate himself to us. He allowed his issues to become this big a thing. Flaky bastard. Though this is Travis' shit it directly affects us and Daniel said he has nothing to say to him.

I understand this sentiment but I also see that the core of this project is still intact. We are more into this working than ever. It will happen. But I don't know how many good songs I have in me or how much I can bring to this band when I feel inspired about 10 percent of my life. I often doubt it even equals a single percentage point of my waking moments. This can't be the life of any kind of artist.

Speed Reading

Man I wish I could speed read. It sounds like a worthwhile skill to develop. Imagine being able to sit down, take a several hundred page book and finish it in about 30 minutes, having thoroughly retained a good portion of the information.

New skills could be developed practically overnight. Im reading an ebook right now called Maximum Profit - Direct Marketing that teaches all about using the mail to market products and services. Its long. Its boring. But its full of great things that will help me. If I could read this in an hour and then be able to go off and do it right, how cool would that be?

I've seen speed readers that literally cover pages within a couple seconds. Its mind blowing but apparently your brain is that powerful. It can be trained to take in massive amounts of visual information. I think I should look into this. But I probably wont. =)

a 1....and a 2....and a 1...2...3...4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MEANINGFULLY ABSURD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

There are so many people I want to thank. okay. Actually there are just a few people I want to thank who keep up with my life. But they are very very important to me.

My life is completely different than when I started this little thing. That's they way it should be.

Blogging is so self indulgent. Its addicting. Its theraputic. Its a great way to remember things. Its also a great way to share way too much information with people. I can never run for public office now.

Good.

http://meaningfullyabsurd.blogspot.com/2007/12/first-post-ever.html

Putting things off

I'm really bad about putting things off that aren't necessarily pleasant for me.

But I think I am turning a corner. Last night I was working on my little side project to make some extra cash. I have since hit a roadblock that needs outside tech help. No problem. I am fortunate enough to have access to the guy who created the product and his entire crew of geniuses.

So I have been in contact with his best affiliate. This guy makes the most money doing exactly what I will be doing. He is helping me set up the process to get things started.

incredible opportunity.

Yet I found myself staring at my computer screen last night not wanting to call the guy. Slightly nervous about sounding stupid, a little lazy not wanting to deal with this technical crap and a few other tiny little emotions that usually create me putting something off.

Then it hit me. I have access to this guy's brain. People pay him money to hear what he has to say. I am stupid for putting this off and not jumping on this opportunity to talk to him.

So I called. Voicemail. No problem. He immediately IMed me from Gmail (gmail rocks by the way), said he is on a webinar and will call me at 8PM Pacific time. I had over an hour to wait so I fired up some of the marketing videos my boss has allowed me access to (once again expensive things I get for free) and made use of every minute waiting for that guy to call. By the time he called I was so worked up about getting this project going that I probably sounded too friendly.

Anyway I got some good advice from him and the technical help I needed.

I can see why success eludes so many people. Stepping outside of what you are familiar with is uncomfortable but its the only way I will rise about myself and start to see a new financial life. I have always seen myself as being successful someday. Now its time to actually take those steps toward doing it.

Next tuesday is a marketer meet and greet downtown. Austin actually has some of the big boys living here so I am going to go and rub elbows with these guys and see what happens.

I also emailed a guy I had worked with in the past on some marketing and he is wanting to hire me for part time consulting for his product he is looking to sell. I have no clue what to charge him. But I realized that my brain is now full of things that people actually dont know and are willing to pay people to learn. This is a good thing.

This is a long post but I am in the zone today. The video last night had an amazing story that inspired the hell out of me. The speaker is a guy named John Reese who is a brilliant and very successful marketer and he was talking about how he was around the dot com boom when people were buying domain names for insane amounts of money.

He was 24, dead broke and in massive debt and had bought a few domain names for several hundred dollars. Back then it took several weeks to get approval (now its instantaneous).

Someone contacted him and said they would like to buy his domain name. He was thrilled. They offered $1000. He said he danced around his apartment and bragged to everyone he knew. A few days later the guy called and had some papers that needed to be finalized.

The guy felt guilty and confessed to John that he brokered the domain he bought from John for $1 Million dollars.

Ouch.

John said he proceeded to sit in his room for 3 days in a deep deep depression.

He later realized that rather than wallow in it, he wanted to be like that broker. He obviously was on the right path having chosen a name that could pull a million bucks. He came out of it with a new view of things and what was possible. He then went on to being on of the most successful domain brokers ever.

Anyway the videos are excellent. I am going out of my head with anticipation for getting things moving. The little nuts and bolts of it drive me crazy though. I hate the technical aspect of getting these things moving.

Tomorrow is a Big Day. Sort of. An anniversary. Stay tuned....

why my job is good for me

the level of organization I have to have is ridiculous. Its only going to help my business endeavors.

The air is pregnant with possibility... I just need to step forward and do it.