insatiable

i dont care if I just spent the weekend jam packed with activities and smiling faces, The second I am home alone in this silence of my apartment I get so damn lonely. Its very very silly when I think about it. And sometimes I beat myself up for being such a pussy but after hearing conversations of other people, I don't think I am the only one experiencing this phenomenon.

The fact is I spend the bulk of my time alone. I work with one other employee and we pretty much keep to ourselves all day. I come home alone. I eat alone. I write and work on my side business alone.

And I know some people who think I have some amazing social life. For me everything is feast or famine. I'm either running around like a madman (women, friends, shows) or I am utterly alone and reclusive. Its a strange ebb and flow. The only thing static is me. And maybe that's not so static either.

I think I could use a good woman. I think she could use a good me. But I just dont want to trudge through pleasantries anymore. I used to be excellent at it. In fact my ability to connect with people is one of my favorite attributes of myself. But social environments are growing more and more laborious as I get older. There is an element of bullshit I just dont know if I want to be good at anymore. I long for relationships and friendships that feel important. That make songs better and make me smile with their warm simplicity.

effing credit cards

i had a card I hadnt touched in a year... careful not to add anything to it.

GoDaddy charged me for one of my domains and silently started wracking up late payments on me. My address was incorrect so i never actually received a bill. The charge is now $178 and its been turned over to a collection agency. I should have cancelled the damn card. I paid the thing off and they told me it has not been reported to a 2nd tier collection agency (which affects my credit) so thats a plus. Still 178 for a domain name is like 1995 prices. screw that.

Bill Murray

I freaking love Bill Murray.

I bought Groundhog Day last night for 10 bucks at Randalls. That movie is just awesome to me. For some reason it really inspires me. (cue the rolling eyes)

Looking forward to the new terminator movie actually. I hope they leave the scene in where Christian Bale goes Berserk on a stagehand and curses him incessantly for getting in the shot. That would be worth the 8-10 bucks to see him doing that.

In true seinfeld fashion...

i went on a date last night with a woman I met awhile back. When I saved her number into my phone I saved it as her job rather than her name so I completely forgot her name.

I spent the entire date avoiding any scenario where I would have to say or know her name. It got very dicey at one point when she asked for my last name. I just knew I would be uncovered but I averted danger like a stealthy ninja.

The date ended in PG13 friskiness. This morning I found her name through the wonderful Google monster so i feel better about the whole thing.

Its funny but I am not sure she knows mine either.

more san antonio

looks like we have been asked back to play a more high profile show. Sweet.

better money, more people and opening for some act that has a decent following in san antonio.

we have 3 shows in the next couple weeks. one next saturday. and then the 5th and 6th of June.

feels good to back in it again.

show recap

weird weird show man.

First off in true me fashion I thought I sucked. Nothing new there.

But it was def rough in some points, the new drummer screwed up a few times. I wore a shirt that started to smell very very bad as my body chemistry began reacting to it. Im at the piano for a song and daniel walks up and quietly says "you smell"

hilarious.

So we do our thing and get off stage and obviously the world we were in and what the audience saw were two different things. Nothing but abnormally nice and positive responses. Our t-shirts flew off the shelves. Partly because they look incredible and we are selling them for 5 bucks each.

We were blown away that our merch was so hot. Dudes that I wouldnt expect in a million years to wear a shirt with a bird on it were buying two.

The headlining band was nothing but nice to us. The owner wants us to have our CD release party there. Its nice to have another big city nearby with MUCH less competition that we can play.

But I felt a bit foreign up there. In my own head. Its been awhile. Its not like riding a bike. its like speedreading. Use it or lose it. Glad it was in another city entirely. Jeeze Im such a cynic.

I am rooting for this man

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/05/11/florida.priest.affair/index.html

laughable but way cool

so i was out with some people last night. One of the girls in the group said she heard that we were one of the top 5 bands in Austin. I hugged the hell out of her.

Its not even remotely true but I can handle rumors like that. If even a smidgen of that kind of zeal can be attributed to us then we are doing something right. But all I can focus on is the long road ahead of us and I wonder how far we are all going to be willing to take it.

Daniel is considering his masters, Michael is a sophmore and alex is married. So far none of these things are coming in the way but who knows. Were all very into this project and our new material is promising. But I see a few cracks here and there that will one day inevitably reveal themselves.

But screw it its only rock and roll. Im going to tell my inner critic to shut up.

emotions

I was in a pretty terrible mood yesterday.

Rough day at work yada yada but I started thinking about emotions.

Bill Hicks said that life is just ride. He then repeated it. "Just a ride."

to paraphrase... Some people make their bank accounts mean a lot some people dont. Some people just generally take the ride more seriously than others.

His words at one time didn't really mean much to me. Just a ride. But that's exactly what it is. Just a series of emotion after emotion until you pass away. What happens to you externally has no bearing on your life. Its how you experience and react to those external stimuli that matters.

I like Bill Hicks. He wasn't a roll on the floor laughing kind of comedian but he was pretty damn awesome. Poor guy didn't deserve to go. (pancreatic cancer?) I really want to see what he has to say about the world today.

for real this time

ok so we are 100% done with the album as much as we can have a say in it.

We spent the final 3 hours tweaking our last song. Its done. No mas. We are finished. Off to mastering. Album artwork, pressed shrink-wrapped Cds, and 2 shows this month.

lets do this thing.

sparse

im lazy. I should be documenting things that will be forgotten in just a few months. But I'm not. I found a field of what looks to be over 100 pink plastic flamingos and I want to get some pics of us up in it. If done right it would be very very cool.

Show May 14 in San Antonio. Im kinda meh about it but you never know. Apparently this opening band has a draw there and Alex is trying to get every last soul he knows in SA to show up.

Either way it will be like a tiny little tour. One show. One city.

argh

the final final mix I am listening to has some faint buzzing throughout the tracks.

A couple parts of one of our better songs has things we want to change. We are terrified of pissing off the guy who mixed us but i dont know if we are going to be able to let this slide. We might just have to take out some money and shove it in his hands and say... we insist.