I started this blog on December 3, 2007. That is pretty mind-blowing to me. Something about blocks of 5 years feels significant. A lot of things in life seem to be based on blocks of 5 years.
In a lot of ways I don't feel very different. The first thing that comes to mind that I can say is different is my clarity with my profession. While I have a long way to go I am infinitely closer to "adulthood" in that regard.
Other things I feel like I have barely moved. I suppose Ill keep those to myself. Maybe if someone was really bored they could scan all 702 posts and figure out what it is for themselves. Thank God practically no one reads this. And honestly there has been a lot of things that went completely undocumented for obvious reasons.
Since I've started this quiet little semi-public journal a lot has happened if I really think about it. Relationships, deaths, illness, a band, babies born into the world, new friends entered, old friends disappeared into the sunset, changing political landscapes, several jobs, goals that went unmet, some goals met and then some.
So basically what most people experience in 5 years of their lives. Still its my little life and I look forward to cathartically sharing bits of my fleeting years with you, dearest reader, for years to come.
Cheers!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
One of the most talked about events in a very long time has come and gone. It is December 22. Everyone is still here. Good one Mayans.
I like to make believe we've been miraculously spared somehow. And with this new gift of life comes changes we can make in ourselves for the better.
I want to be more open to casual conversations with people I don't know. I want to stay motivated with my job more. I want deeper and more meaningful relationships. I want peace of mind. I want to live in the moment more. Its like this could be New Years Eve x 1000.
What will you do with your 2nd chance?
I like to make believe we've been miraculously spared somehow. And with this new gift of life comes changes we can make in ourselves for the better.
I want to be more open to casual conversations with people I don't know. I want to stay motivated with my job more. I want deeper and more meaningful relationships. I want peace of mind. I want to live in the moment more. Its like this could be New Years Eve x 1000.
What will you do with your 2nd chance?
Monday, December 17, 2012
Had an awesome short vacation in Denver/Vail. Saw two great bands and hung with great people in a snowy wonderland.
It was a much needed escape from my little world.
I was deeply saddened to hear about the Newtown shooting. Sometimes the acts of humans defy all reasonable comprehension. That's all I will say about that. I was very impressed with the words of our president. He touched on our struggle for the meaning of life which I think I have never heard a political official say so well.
"You know, all the world’s religions, so many of them represented here today, start with a simple question. Why are we here? What gives our life meaning? What gives our acts purpose? We know our time on this Earth is fleeting. We know that we will each have our share of pleasure and pain, that even after we chase after some earthly goal, whether it’s wealth or power or fame or just simple comfort, we will, in some fashion, fall short of what we had hoped. We know that, no matter how good our intentions, we’ll all stumble sometimes in some way. We’ll make mistakes, we’ll experience hardships and even when we’re trying to do the right thing, we know that much of our time will be spent groping through the darkness, so often unable to discern God’s heavenly plans. There’s only one thing we can be sure of, and that is the love that we have for our children, for our families, for each other."
Jeff Tweedy (seen in the pic above) echoed the same concept Saturday night..."Our love is all we have"
It was a much needed escape from my little world.
I was deeply saddened to hear about the Newtown shooting. Sometimes the acts of humans defy all reasonable comprehension. That's all I will say about that. I was very impressed with the words of our president. He touched on our struggle for the meaning of life which I think I have never heard a political official say so well.
"You know, all the world’s religions, so many of them represented here today, start with a simple question. Why are we here? What gives our life meaning? What gives our acts purpose? We know our time on this Earth is fleeting. We know that we will each have our share of pleasure and pain, that even after we chase after some earthly goal, whether it’s wealth or power or fame or just simple comfort, we will, in some fashion, fall short of what we had hoped. We know that, no matter how good our intentions, we’ll all stumble sometimes in some way. We’ll make mistakes, we’ll experience hardships and even when we’re trying to do the right thing, we know that much of our time will be spent groping through the darkness, so often unable to discern God’s heavenly plans. There’s only one thing we can be sure of, and that is the love that we have for our children, for our families, for each other."
Jeff Tweedy (seen in the pic above) echoed the same concept Saturday night..."Our love is all we have"
Friday, December 14, 2012
Currently at a coffee shop in Denver getting some work done. It feels good to get out of town for awhile and be in a new city with new people, new vibes. Nice chilly weather. Unique architecture. Cute ladies grabbing coffee.
Going to see 2 shows this weekend. One in Vale which I am really looking forward to checking out. Photos to come.
Going to see 2 shows this weekend. One in Vale which I am really looking forward to checking out. Photos to come.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Today is the 1 year mark of the passing of my grandmother.
The year didnt seem to fly as fast as I thought it would. It feels like its been about a year. I haven't forgotten about all she did for me and my family. As I grow older and meet more and more people who are suffering in their adulthood because they didnt have the proper guidance when they were young, I am even more aware of the importance of having someone who loves you all the way and shudder to think of the mess I would be without that early guidance.
The year didnt seem to fly as fast as I thought it would. It feels like its been about a year. I haven't forgotten about all she did for me and my family. As I grow older and meet more and more people who are suffering in their adulthood because they didnt have the proper guidance when they were young, I am even more aware of the importance of having someone who loves you all the way and shudder to think of the mess I would be without that early guidance.
Monday, November 19, 2012
I dream of flying so often its almost become a commonplace addition to my dreams. A couple times a month I dream that I have the ability to focus and lift from the ground and go where I want. Its sometimes in a slightly uncontrolled sweeping sort of way but I get to where I want to go.
One of my favorite things to do is fly at night. I shoot above the trees and usually fly over some body of water. The moon and the clouds are out and its really beautiful. I fly so high that the world is tiny below me.
Awhile back I always flew in secret. I feared people learning that I had this ability. Now its pretty much out in the open and in some dreams I am basically showing off to people.
Last night I was doing my thing in the yard of the house I grew up in. Just kinda staying low and passing over a few of my family members. My uncle asked me what is was like so for the first time I actually took someone with me. You would think I would grab a beautiful woman but my first passenger was my uncle which is weird now that I think about it. Basically he got on my back and I flew up to the highest part of the trees.
The part that I think is interesting is the physics of it. For instance, this time the additional weight was harder to deal with. I had to focus more and really make it work to get up above the trees. Each dream I have to deal with some sort of problem with making things run smoothly.
Usually in these dreams I am convinced that this is reality and I truly have the ability to fly. I am always rationalizing it and questioning whether I am dreaming or not. Everything seems so real that I always end up believing that I am awake and this is real. Sometimes things happen where people are telling me that its in my head. I then realize its true and the dream becomes a dream within a dream thing which is pretty wild.
Its very unusual that I have this progressive, recurring dream. I enjoy every one of them.
---
Last night I went on a date. She's a 4th grade bilingual teacher. She was tall and thin with blonde hair. I liked her energy but I am not as attracted to her as I would like to be. She did wear a nice red and white dress with some revealing sections that I enjoyed. She also said she found me very attractive which is always nice. We made out a bit. She kisses well. I ended up drinking wine without asking the price of each glass. Bad idea.
One of my favorite things to do is fly at night. I shoot above the trees and usually fly over some body of water. The moon and the clouds are out and its really beautiful. I fly so high that the world is tiny below me.
Awhile back I always flew in secret. I feared people learning that I had this ability. Now its pretty much out in the open and in some dreams I am basically showing off to people.
Last night I was doing my thing in the yard of the house I grew up in. Just kinda staying low and passing over a few of my family members. My uncle asked me what is was like so for the first time I actually took someone with me. You would think I would grab a beautiful woman but my first passenger was my uncle which is weird now that I think about it. Basically he got on my back and I flew up to the highest part of the trees.
The part that I think is interesting is the physics of it. For instance, this time the additional weight was harder to deal with. I had to focus more and really make it work to get up above the trees. Each dream I have to deal with some sort of problem with making things run smoothly.
Usually in these dreams I am convinced that this is reality and I truly have the ability to fly. I am always rationalizing it and questioning whether I am dreaming or not. Everything seems so real that I always end up believing that I am awake and this is real. Sometimes things happen where people are telling me that its in my head. I then realize its true and the dream becomes a dream within a dream thing which is pretty wild.
Its very unusual that I have this progressive, recurring dream. I enjoy every one of them.
---
Last night I went on a date. She's a 4th grade bilingual teacher. She was tall and thin with blonde hair. I liked her energy but I am not as attracted to her as I would like to be. She did wear a nice red and white dress with some revealing sections that I enjoyed. She also said she found me very attractive which is always nice. We made out a bit. She kisses well. I ended up drinking wine without asking the price of each glass. Bad idea.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sometimes I lie awake and think about my life. The night is particularly tough sometimes. Self reflection can take some wrong turns when you have hours before you can get up and get distracted. I think about where I am and the decisions that have lead me here.
I think about how I'm not sure I have ever been in love and wonder what that means for me. I think about how I am probably missing out on a lot of life by focusing on the things I choose to focus on. I think about the people I know and admire and I stupidly compare my life to them. I beat myself up.
As much as I would like to be, I am not an optimist for most things. I have a darker sense of the world that my initial thoughts latch on to. Its only after my lifetime of mental training kicks in do I actively dissect the idea as being incorrect or clouded and take steps to see it differently. I don't want to be this way but I am.
Nights like this I feel like everyone has it figured out but me. I know this is wrong but its powerful and it seems real. I worry that who I truly am separates me from the world and I will never have peace. I worry the woman I adore will have nothing to do with me.
The morning will bring sanity to these things. It wont make them go away but at least I'll have a better grip on them.
I think about how I'm not sure I have ever been in love and wonder what that means for me. I think about how I am probably missing out on a lot of life by focusing on the things I choose to focus on. I think about the people I know and admire and I stupidly compare my life to them. I beat myself up.
As much as I would like to be, I am not an optimist for most things. I have a darker sense of the world that my initial thoughts latch on to. Its only after my lifetime of mental training kicks in do I actively dissect the idea as being incorrect or clouded and take steps to see it differently. I don't want to be this way but I am.
Nights like this I feel like everyone has it figured out but me. I know this is wrong but its powerful and it seems real. I worry that who I truly am separates me from the world and I will never have peace. I worry the woman I adore will have nothing to do with me.
The morning will bring sanity to these things. It wont make them go away but at least I'll have a better grip on them.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I'm Back Baby
I went and bought a mic stand and a mic cable yesterday. That was pretty much all that was standing in the way of me recording some ideas I have that are non-electronic based.
I got completely sucked into it and put down a rough version of a song that I have been listening to a few times since yesterday and Im very happy with it. Some shaky vocal parts but the bass, acoustic, electric and most drum parts are nearly fleshed out, including vocal harmonies. Its pretty folky but I still like it.
It came quickly as have the few times I have made something I am proud of. I'm particularly proud of the bass line because I don't really fancy myself a bassist but its a creative and tasteful part.
Basically I can show this to musicians and we can be up and running quickly (when I get around to opening that can of worms again).
I spent the last 5 years being uber democratic with the creative process in a band. Often to the point of disarray. So this idea of having something I wrote 100% played by musicians sounds appealing to me. I'll take the fascist comments. Those people have no clue what happens in a band without focus. It can get ugly.
I got completely sucked into it and put down a rough version of a song that I have been listening to a few times since yesterday and Im very happy with it. Some shaky vocal parts but the bass, acoustic, electric and most drum parts are nearly fleshed out, including vocal harmonies. Its pretty folky but I still like it.
It came quickly as have the few times I have made something I am proud of. I'm particularly proud of the bass line because I don't really fancy myself a bassist but its a creative and tasteful part.
Basically I can show this to musicians and we can be up and running quickly (when I get around to opening that can of worms again).
I spent the last 5 years being uber democratic with the creative process in a band. Often to the point of disarray. So this idea of having something I wrote 100% played by musicians sounds appealing to me. I'll take the fascist comments. Those people have no clue what happens in a band without focus. It can get ugly.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Get in the Choppah!
I've started to get back to working out again regularly. I never regret doing it. Its tough to get motivated but Im always thankful I went.
I can comfortably bench 3 sets of 155. This is fun to me because I weighed that from the age of 17 until about a year ago. I think Im closer to 165 now so Im sure Ill hit that soon.
One of these days Id like to get a personal trainer and really hit it hard. I sort of don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I can comfortably bench 3 sets of 155. This is fun to me because I weighed that from the age of 17 until about a year ago. I think Im closer to 165 now so Im sure Ill hit that soon.
One of these days Id like to get a personal trainer and really hit it hard. I sort of don't know what the hell I'm doing.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Friday night I went out with the woman with a kid again. We had a lot of fun. She seems to be into me. I failed to fully describe my desire to not get serious with a woman with a kid. I think she has an idea based on our conversations and interactions but I have not been crystal clear. Its not at the point where this is entirely terrible but I can't let it continue. I actually feel a little guilty about this so I know that means I need to do something about it. Dating is a constant level of incremental changes that require your attention. It starts from the moment you say hi until you get in a relationship and grow old with a person.
Saturday I went to Fun Fun Fun Fest. Saw Head and the Heart, Girl Talk and a couple other bands. It was great. Less crowded than ACL and the sound was actually better. I ran into a couple that I know through the band and we hung out with them the rest of the night. They are great people and I was happy to run into them.
Saturday I went to Fun Fun Fun Fest. Saw Head and the Heart, Girl Talk and a couple other bands. It was great. Less crowded than ACL and the sound was actually better. I ran into a couple that I know through the band and we hung out with them the rest of the night. They are great people and I was happy to run into them.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The party went great. Lots of people came and wished us farewell. I think we made a lot of money but I wasn't responsible for that so not sure exactly. But I know we paid for the party and then some.
I played some songs I had never played in front of anyone. The response was great so that made me happy. A lot of my good friends showed up. I didn't get too drunk. Everyone had fun. It was a perfect way to wrap up our 5 years as a band.
Last night I went to a giant Halloween party. Nothing much more to say about that. Just lots of crazy costumes and hot women in skimpy clothes they reserve for one day a year. One of my clients hosted it and must have spent a fortune. They had a fun house, DJ, blah blah. I took some crazy pictures that I am too lazy to post right now.
I played some songs I had never played in front of anyone. The response was great so that made me happy. A lot of my good friends showed up. I didn't get too drunk. Everyone had fun. It was a perfect way to wrap up our 5 years as a band.
Last night I went to a giant Halloween party. Nothing much more to say about that. Just lots of crazy costumes and hot women in skimpy clothes they reserve for one day a year. One of my clients hosted it and must have spent a fortune. They had a fun house, DJ, blah blah. I took some crazy pictures that I am too lazy to post right now.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Last night I went on a date with a woman who has a 6 year old. Get used to it I tell myself.
I think about that and deciding only to date childless women definitely narrows the pool down for me. But its a huge decision to date a woman with a kid because obviously the kid comes first and you are going to share your time. That and I am not sure if she will ever want more if that is something I decide I want someday.
Obviously I am not thinking like that about this woman, but in general these are things you have to consider when are ready to meet someone long term. I think I'm just going to be perfectly upfront about my hesitance to get too serious with a woman with kid. If I get any inclination this is not ideal for her, Ill bail. She didn't strike me as a woman with Daddy radar. But obviously being open about this kind of thing is vital.
The date was pretty fun. Lots of making fun of each other which is always cool. Also nice long moments where she would just stare at me saying nothing. She was cute in a non-traditional way but still very cute. She had no qualms showing her attraction to me and was very vocal about it. I eat that stuff up obviously. She went for the kiss before I did which is very rare for me. As I was driving away she actually walked up to my car to kiss me again before I left which I found pretty awesome.
Why can't the hot, childless, nubile 25 year old do that? I think I answered my own question there.
I think about that and deciding only to date childless women definitely narrows the pool down for me. But its a huge decision to date a woman with a kid because obviously the kid comes first and you are going to share your time. That and I am not sure if she will ever want more if that is something I decide I want someday.
Obviously I am not thinking like that about this woman, but in general these are things you have to consider when are ready to meet someone long term. I think I'm just going to be perfectly upfront about my hesitance to get too serious with a woman with kid. If I get any inclination this is not ideal for her, Ill bail. She didn't strike me as a woman with Daddy radar. But obviously being open about this kind of thing is vital.
The date was pretty fun. Lots of making fun of each other which is always cool. Also nice long moments where she would just stare at me saying nothing. She was cute in a non-traditional way but still very cute. She had no qualms showing her attraction to me and was very vocal about it. I eat that stuff up obviously. She went for the kiss before I did which is very rare for me. As I was driving away she actually walked up to my car to kiss me again before I left which I found pretty awesome.
Why can't the hot, childless, nubile 25 year old do that? I think I answered my own question there.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Watched another French film last night. This one translates to Chloe in the Afternoon.
Once again heavy dialog and themes of dealing with sexuality. Successful married guy with kids lives in a city surrounded by beautiful women. Guy would be considered happily married but still fully aware of the temptations he deals with daily. Hot secretaries, women on the street that fascinate him etc.
He meets up with an old friend who lives a more youthful existence, helps her out of a few jams and they begin to spend time together in the afternoons. Their lack of commitment to each other is freeing to him. He describes how the role he plays for his wife keeps them from truly connecting sometimes, but with her there are no obligations so he feels comfortable and at peace with himself.
She eventually tells him she loves him. She says she has always wanted a child but no man would ever fit the bill. Even though he's married she wants the father to be him and he can walk away. It almost happens but as he's in the bathroom he reconsiders (in a very nicely done way), turns on the faucet so she cant hear him leave, and escapes.
He then goes home and tells his wife all the things about their relationship that he was scared to tell her. She breaks down and admits her flaws and they go to the bedroom. The film ends abruptly. Like all these films you're left with... Wait... what? Ah. Nice.
Its funny but the descriptions of these movies sound awful. But the dialog is impressive and weird little choices like the camera focusing more on the person listening rather than speaking make it interesting to watch.
My favorite review I read about it sums it up nicely.
"a beautiful character study about what it is to love one woman and yet be in love with all women."
In the Prologue when main character walking down the streets of Paris as his inner voice describes how the city makes him feel alive (and exactly how) is a moment I really connected with.
Once again heavy dialog and themes of dealing with sexuality. Successful married guy with kids lives in a city surrounded by beautiful women. Guy would be considered happily married but still fully aware of the temptations he deals with daily. Hot secretaries, women on the street that fascinate him etc.
He meets up with an old friend who lives a more youthful existence, helps her out of a few jams and they begin to spend time together in the afternoons. Their lack of commitment to each other is freeing to him. He describes how the role he plays for his wife keeps them from truly connecting sometimes, but with her there are no obligations so he feels comfortable and at peace with himself.
She eventually tells him she loves him. She says she has always wanted a child but no man would ever fit the bill. Even though he's married she wants the father to be him and he can walk away. It almost happens but as he's in the bathroom he reconsiders (in a very nicely done way), turns on the faucet so she cant hear him leave, and escapes.
He then goes home and tells his wife all the things about their relationship that he was scared to tell her. She breaks down and admits her flaws and they go to the bedroom. The film ends abruptly. Like all these films you're left with... Wait... what? Ah. Nice.
Its funny but the descriptions of these movies sound awful. But the dialog is impressive and weird little choices like the camera focusing more on the person listening rather than speaking make it interesting to watch.
My favorite review I read about it sums it up nicely.
"a beautiful character study about what it is to love one woman and yet be in love with all women."
In the Prologue when main character walking down the streets of Paris as his inner voice describes how the city makes him feel alive (and exactly how) is a moment I really connected with.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Got a call from a guy I know through other people asking if I want to play guitar for a 4 song set of New Order covers. I love New Order so I agreed. I have two weeks to learn the songs and the show is on Halloween. Im actually going to be singing on Ceremony (great song) so I have some work to do between now and then.
I haven't played live in over a year. Its about time to get back up there again. Even if its for a few people I'm looking forward to it.
Aside from that I'm growing more and more restless for some reason. I just tried to explain it a bit but nothing sounded like a solid enough explanation so Ill just leave it at that.
Been watching Hulu's Criterion Collection which has something like 700+ old movies. Last night's film was a French Film (famous French director, Truffaut) called The Soft Skin. Simple premise. Guy has an affair but it gets complicated. Wife shoots guy in a cafe.
The one thing I noticed about these films I have watched is the dialog (subtitiles of course). The few movies I have seen so far all are heavily focused on dialog. In fact each of these films could be a stage play the dialog is so critical. They don't have much buildup or anticipation like modern American films but the acting is usually great, the film doesnt feel like a movie and most seem to end ambiguously. I actually like the two French films I've seen so far. I used to think all films made before the 70s were like the American black and white movies where the actors sound horribly fake and the music is cheesy. Not so with older foreign films. You actually have a hard time picking out the time-frame if it wasn't for the fashion, cars and telephones they use.
Aside from that I'm growing more and more restless for some reason. I just tried to explain it a bit but nothing sounded like a solid enough explanation so Ill just leave it at that.
Been watching Hulu's Criterion Collection which has something like 700+ old movies. Last night's film was a French Film (famous French director, Truffaut) called The Soft Skin. Simple premise. Guy has an affair but it gets complicated. Wife shoots guy in a cafe.
The one thing I noticed about these films I have watched is the dialog (subtitiles of course). The few movies I have seen so far all are heavily focused on dialog. In fact each of these films could be a stage play the dialog is so critical. They don't have much buildup or anticipation like modern American films but the acting is usually great, the film doesnt feel like a movie and most seem to end ambiguously. I actually like the two French films I've seen so far. I used to think all films made before the 70s were like the American black and white movies where the actors sound horribly fake and the music is cheesy. Not so with older foreign films. You actually have a hard time picking out the time-frame if it wasn't for the fashion, cars and telephones they use.
Monday, October 15, 2012
I went to ACL yesterday. The standout show for me was the Avett Brothers. Their lyrics make me feel like I'm morally and spiritually bankrupt sometimes. I want that level of hopeful sincerity. Red Hot Chili Peppers closed the night up and despite them having very talented musicians in the band (Flea is a modern day Jaco Pastorius), I thought they sort of sucked. Bad songs are bad songs regardless of how technically flawless they are executed. Under the Bridge was kinda interesting because that song is indelibly burned into my brain from high school. Crystal Castles had sound problems but it seemed like something I could get into. Civil Wars also had sound problems and I was too far away to hear them. They were probably amazing. Two Door Cinema Club surprised me with infectious dancy pop. I watched a bit of Iggy and The Stooges but honestly it only interested me historically. The music was just terrible garage shit and a shirtless old man running around awkwardly.
There were a lot more people this year it seemed. Not sure but I think they let more and more people in every year and it becomes this sea of people. I was in the middle of a giant mob moving in different directions and just completely overwhelmed with humanity. I also felt old as I oggled ridiculously hot chicks who were probably barely 21. Enjoy it now ladies. Its coming for you too.
Today I write a check to the IRS. A large check. I have potential clients in the pipeline. I am wary of my ability to bring results for a couple of them. But I'm going to try.
I have not worked out in weeks. I can tell. Time to get things back on track. I've been slacking on a lot of things and Im pretty dissatisfied with my motivation levels lately.
There were a lot more people this year it seemed. Not sure but I think they let more and more people in every year and it becomes this sea of people. I was in the middle of a giant mob moving in different directions and just completely overwhelmed with humanity. I also felt old as I oggled ridiculously hot chicks who were probably barely 21. Enjoy it now ladies. Its coming for you too.
Today I write a check to the IRS. A large check. I have potential clients in the pipeline. I am wary of my ability to bring results for a couple of them. But I'm going to try.
I have not worked out in weeks. I can tell. Time to get things back on track. I've been slacking on a lot of things and Im pretty dissatisfied with my motivation levels lately.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I cant prove this but I think women have a weird psychic connection that tells them when a guy's dating life is going well. I was in a vast wasteland of datelessness for awhile and within a couple days I have 3 dates lined up and texts from girls I haven't talked to in months. When it rains it pours.
I've noticed this on several occasions. Exes will call right as I get into a relationship and they have no way to know it was happening. Very strange phenomenon.Probably a coincidence but its eery sometimes.
How will these dates go? Who knows. But glad to finally get out of the drought.
I've noticed this on several occasions. Exes will call right as I get into a relationship and they have no way to know it was happening. Very strange phenomenon.Probably a coincidence but its eery sometimes.
How will these dates go? Who knows. But glad to finally get out of the drought.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I am sitting in a room full of people I do not know. We all pay money to get out of the house and work from this location. Basically a bunch of folks like myself I think its funny that I am paying $100 per month to do this but it is already proving itself valuable. Just getting out of the house and working around other people like me (and still having a lightning fast internet connection) is very important to my sanity.
Apparently the networking opportunities are also great. More on that as it develops.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
birthday
I had a blast Saturday night. About 15 people came to my birthday and we all had a really great time. Everyone was cheerful and integrated flawlessly. We ended up dancing near the end of the evening and I hung out with a beautiful (shy) gal afterward. One of the better birthdays I have had in awhile. People called to tell me how much fun they had. Why we don't do these kinds of things outside of birthdays is beyond me.
A couple of my clients are dropping out but new clients are in the works. I realize the need to keep the pipeline full as clients come and go. The truth is I won't hit it out of the park for everyone. The coolest part is I have not started living a much more expensive lifestyle so I can afford a level of fluctuation in income month after month.
I have not gone back after the boating incident. I know Ill have to face them again soon. I guess Im just letting a little time go by.
Drink Dunkin Donuts coffee its great.
A couple of my clients are dropping out but new clients are in the works. I realize the need to keep the pipeline full as clients come and go. The truth is I won't hit it out of the park for everyone. The coolest part is I have not started living a much more expensive lifestyle so I can afford a level of fluctuation in income month after month.
I have not gone back after the boating incident. I know Ill have to face them again soon. I guess Im just letting a little time go by.
Drink Dunkin Donuts coffee its great.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Today would have been my Grandmother's 88th birthday. Last year I went up to Dallas and we grilled outside and I had some wine by the lake. She was a couple months from passing on. I'm glad I went up there for that. I had no clue her condition would worsen at that rate. It was astonishing the difference between late September and November.
I hope when my time comes I will have a family surrounding me like she had in those last moments. It wasn't a cold hospital. It wasn't alone. It was the way it should be. Send her off with dignity and love.
I hope when my time comes I will have a family surrounding me like she had in those last moments. It wasn't a cold hospital. It wasn't alone. It was the way it should be. Send her off with dignity and love.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Let me see if I can explain this cause its worth documenting:
Today I was a bit bummed about some typical daily stuff we all get consumed by and I was feeling restless and down. I stepped outside to check my mail and noticed the weather was fantastic. I decided to open the door while I worked and went back to my desk and put on Pandora.
While completely consumed in my work I quickly noticed that dull feeling of sadness was gone. I searched for it and realized its because of the weather being so nice, the smell of outside and the music being so good. While my conscious worked, my unconscious processed the new environment I gave myself and I got a hit of some good chemicals in my brain and I didnt even really try.
I've never before been so aware of how your environment shapes things for you unconsciously. Neat.
Today I was a bit bummed about some typical daily stuff we all get consumed by and I was feeling restless and down. I stepped outside to check my mail and noticed the weather was fantastic. I decided to open the door while I worked and went back to my desk and put on Pandora.
While completely consumed in my work I quickly noticed that dull feeling of sadness was gone. I searched for it and realized its because of the weather being so nice, the smell of outside and the music being so good. While my conscious worked, my unconscious processed the new environment I gave myself and I got a hit of some good chemicals in my brain and I didnt even really try.
I've never before been so aware of how your environment shapes things for you unconsciously. Neat.
I figured for my birthday Saturday I would dress like an adult so I went out and bought myself a very nice set of clothes from Zara. The fit of these clothes are incredible. Im still rocking the off-white chucks with them though. Gotta represent childhood in some capacity. Maybe Ill wear spider man underoos beneath it all and surprise the hell out of someone that night.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Up until recently I had a destructively envious side to me. I still battle it from time to time but its much more manageable than it used to be.
If I heard someone get a promotion I was jealous. If someone made a lot of money I hated them a little. I had a couple friends start businesses and do well. I secretly wanted them to fail.
Its embarrassing but it made me very curious as to what was going on inside my head. From my experience, truly content and happy people only want happiness and contentment for others. Jealousy, envy and all those awful emotions are rooted in personal dissatisfaction and its easy to delude ourselves and hate them rather than look in the mirror.
So rather than allow this childishness to continue I did something about it.
Now I have two clients out of that decision. One was actually the object of my jealousy. I find that funny and awesome. Instead of being envious I offered them something of value that I could provide and now my life is a little better because of it. The powerless emotion of jealousy is a plague and I am fortunate enough to realize this and not let it dictate my fate.
First step, identify it. Second step, understand it. Third step, change it.
If I heard someone get a promotion I was jealous. If someone made a lot of money I hated them a little. I had a couple friends start businesses and do well. I secretly wanted them to fail.
Its embarrassing but it made me very curious as to what was going on inside my head. From my experience, truly content and happy people only want happiness and contentment for others. Jealousy, envy and all those awful emotions are rooted in personal dissatisfaction and its easy to delude ourselves and hate them rather than look in the mirror.
So rather than allow this childishness to continue I did something about it.
Now I have two clients out of that decision. One was actually the object of my jealousy. I find that funny and awesome. Instead of being envious I offered them something of value that I could provide and now my life is a little better because of it. The powerless emotion of jealousy is a plague and I am fortunate enough to realize this and not let it dictate my fate.
First step, identify it. Second step, understand it. Third step, change it.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
I'm psychic. I lost $25 actually with the rebuy.
But I did make it to the final table. So 7th place out of 30 people or so is not so bad. It was a total blast but draining on me. I was a retard near the end making dumb mistakes. I was the obvious newb at the table. They were nice about it. Nice enough for a bunch of poker dudes I guess.
But I did make it to the final table. So 7th place out of 30 people or so is not so bad. It was a total blast but draining on me. I was a retard near the end making dumb mistakes. I was the obvious newb at the table. They were nice about it. Nice enough for a bunch of poker dudes I guess.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Gambler
Tonight I buy into a pretty legit poker tournament. Its only $15 so no big deal if I lose. I'm going with a gal who is apparently pretty good.
Tomorrow's post will be about how I lost $15.
Tomorrow's post will be about how I lost $15.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
He's Going the Distance
Yesterday I raced Go Karts.
This was nothing like the experience I had as a kid. This facility was top notch. There were leather couches where you would wait for your race time. People were there with their own helmets and gloves. The karts hauled as. Some of the racers were crazy good.
I placed 6th out of 12 people for both of the races I was in, so right in the middle. Your times are posted on a giant TV screen. Each race is also recorded online so you can log in and check your stats.
This was the real deal and it was a total blast.
This was nothing like the experience I had as a kid. This facility was top notch. There were leather couches where you would wait for your race time. People were there with their own helmets and gloves. The karts hauled as. Some of the racers were crazy good.
I placed 6th out of 12 people for both of the races I was in, so right in the middle. Your times are posted on a giant TV screen. Each race is also recorded online so you can log in and check your stats.
This was the real deal and it was a total blast.
I resolved my big work issue for now it would seem. It basically boiled down to my not living in fear and taking proactive steps to correct a situation. I felt my ass hanging in the breeze with the move but I chose to take my own advice and trust that a move based on pure good intentions and honesty would only result in good things (eventually).
Seems to be true so far. Who knows what tomorrow brings but I have renewed faith that my deeper beliefs aren't self-help nonsense.
Seems to be true so far. Who knows what tomorrow brings but I have renewed faith that my deeper beliefs aren't self-help nonsense.
Monday, August 27, 2012
reeling in the years...
Next month I will be 34. Holy crap!
Lets see about the 3 pillars here:
Health: My workouts have tapered off a bit which I need to get back to. I should probably also expand my routine to new workouts and really put more emphasis on my diet to see more results.
I have been also eating pretty badly lately. I have weird moments of uber health and then total disregard for what I am putting into my body. I do frequently drink pure pressed vegetable juice from Central Market that they make here in Austin, but its expensive. I should probably buy a juicer and make my own juice drinks.
Wealth: This category is probably the most developed for me right now. Simply put, I invested more time into it than anything and the rewards are becoming apparent. We're talking 2 years of slaving for a guy who paid me nothing, acquiring a valuable skillset in the process and then finally realizing the benefits of doing this for multiple people, rather than being someone's employee. Luckily, it turns out this is a white hot skillset that a lot of businesses need.
With this decision to be solo comes new stresses and obligations to deal with. But I would prefer them over the stress of a job I hated for an employer I despised and having a ceiling of potential income that I could never break through.
My savings are still pretty pathetic but if I can keep the momentum going the next few months will give me a lot of opportunity to make up for all the lost time.
Relationships:
Family: This could be better. I don't communicate with them near enough. Facebook does not count. However I will post what my cousin said the other day on Facebook that I agree with:
Working at the VA has taught me one thing- my family has been blessed with a succession of amazing people who take care of their own. Our elderly have always had a place to stay, someone to take care of them, someone to support them, to love and care for them. We are beyond lucky to have each other and I'm proud/happy to be part of our clan. I will do the same one day. No one in our family goes homeless, without care, or unloved. Pack made. —
Friends: Doing well here. I have a decent group of people I trust and confide in as well as have fun with. I can usually find someone who wants to hang out most nights of the week which is important when I am working alone all day.
Dating: Doing decent here as well but the depth of the relationships are lacking. I don't have anyone I feel strongly for and find myself going back and forth from wanting something serious to enjoying the fact that Austin has a near unlimited amount of beautiful women and adventure. I know I cant stay on this fence forever and think inevitably a fulfilling relationship is the goal, but honestly I am not worried about it at this point. In any situation, be it single or in a relationship, there are difficulties and specific emotions you have to deal with. I choose to not want but rather find the value in this exact moment, whichever that may be. Currently its single and I'm satisfied with it.
This is all simplified but an overall decent look at where I stand nearing my 34th year of life. I am positive about my future and know even more beauty, discovery and coolness awaits. I want to continue to build my business, take more trips, play more music, make new friends, keep up with old friends/family, meet an awesome woman who blows me away and all the stuff that makes my time here worth it.
Lets see about the 3 pillars here:
Health: My workouts have tapered off a bit which I need to get back to. I should probably also expand my routine to new workouts and really put more emphasis on my diet to see more results.
I have been also eating pretty badly lately. I have weird moments of uber health and then total disregard for what I am putting into my body. I do frequently drink pure pressed vegetable juice from Central Market that they make here in Austin, but its expensive. I should probably buy a juicer and make my own juice drinks.
Wealth: This category is probably the most developed for me right now. Simply put, I invested more time into it than anything and the rewards are becoming apparent. We're talking 2 years of slaving for a guy who paid me nothing, acquiring a valuable skillset in the process and then finally realizing the benefits of doing this for multiple people, rather than being someone's employee. Luckily, it turns out this is a white hot skillset that a lot of businesses need.
With this decision to be solo comes new stresses and obligations to deal with. But I would prefer them over the stress of a job I hated for an employer I despised and having a ceiling of potential income that I could never break through.
My savings are still pretty pathetic but if I can keep the momentum going the next few months will give me a lot of opportunity to make up for all the lost time.
Relationships:
Family: This could be better. I don't communicate with them near enough. Facebook does not count. However I will post what my cousin said the other day on Facebook that I agree with:
Working at the VA has taught me one thing- my family has been blessed with a succession of amazing people who take care of their own. Our elderly have always had a place to stay, someone to take care of them, someone to support them, to love and care for them. We are beyond lucky to have each other and I'm proud/happy to be part of our clan. I will do the same one day. No one in our family goes homeless, without care, or unloved. Pack made. —
- Jared We are blessed. I see elderly people every day who have no one
Sonja Love you all and Always so happy for the Support of our Military family and other Military Friends and Families!
Friends: Doing well here. I have a decent group of people I trust and confide in as well as have fun with. I can usually find someone who wants to hang out most nights of the week which is important when I am working alone all day.
Dating: Doing decent here as well but the depth of the relationships are lacking. I don't have anyone I feel strongly for and find myself going back and forth from wanting something serious to enjoying the fact that Austin has a near unlimited amount of beautiful women and adventure. I know I cant stay on this fence forever and think inevitably a fulfilling relationship is the goal, but honestly I am not worried about it at this point. In any situation, be it single or in a relationship, there are difficulties and specific emotions you have to deal with. I choose to not want but rather find the value in this exact moment, whichever that may be. Currently its single and I'm satisfied with it.
This is all simplified but an overall decent look at where I stand nearing my 34th year of life. I am positive about my future and know even more beauty, discovery and coolness awaits. I want to continue to build my business, take more trips, play more music, make new friends, keep up with old friends/family, meet an awesome woman who blows me away and all the stuff that makes my time here worth it.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Took the boat out two days in a row. The first day was flawless. Me and 3 others wakeboarding, swimming, cruising, listening to the radio... awesome.
Took the boat out yesterday with my mom and a friend. The wind threw me off and I crunched the boat up against the dock, screwing up a panel of it. Luckily I purchased the insurance so the most I will pay is $200 for what might be a $1000-1500 repair job, but I was completely deflated by the experience. Embarrassed. Pissed at myself. Sad I was going to make the staff have to fix it. I was torn between the emotions of "This is what happens with a big commercial business like this... boats get bumped up... that's why they offer the insurance" to "You idiot, you failed as an adult for not controlling the boat right. They are going to totally be wary of you"
So I called them immediately and let them know. They were very polite and told me to enjoy my day, that they have 200 members and 40 boats. This kind of thing happens and take this for a learning experience. (I know right?)
I got back at the end of the day and the dock guys told me it was a bad day for several people due to the wind. This helped me somewhat. But not much. I'm pretty sure my damage was the worst of what possibly happened. I still get pangs of embarrassment thinking about watching that panel bend in with that crunch sound, and looking totally inexperienced as I lost control and others sat and watched me bumble my way out of it. Ugh. I will know the damage to the boat shortly. And if my contract holds up and I am understanding things correctly, I will only owe $200. Fingers crossed there isnt some loophole.
UPDATE: 9-20
It only cost me $200. But as luck would have it I ran into one of the owners in line at HEB. He was not happy with me. I have not been back. Everyone is telling me to suck it up and go back. I need to. But my shame and fear is gripping my balls like a vice. Yet I am paying monthly so time to suck it up and get back out there.
Took the boat out yesterday with my mom and a friend. The wind threw me off and I crunched the boat up against the dock, screwing up a panel of it. Luckily I purchased the insurance so the most I will pay is $200 for what might be a $1000-1500 repair job, but I was completely deflated by the experience. Embarrassed. Pissed at myself. Sad I was going to make the staff have to fix it. I was torn between the emotions of "This is what happens with a big commercial business like this... boats get bumped up... that's why they offer the insurance" to "You idiot, you failed as an adult for not controlling the boat right. They are going to totally be wary of you"
So I called them immediately and let them know. They were very polite and told me to enjoy my day, that they have 200 members and 40 boats. This kind of thing happens and take this for a learning experience. (I know right?)
I got back at the end of the day and the dock guys told me it was a bad day for several people due to the wind. This helped me somewhat. But not much. I'm pretty sure my damage was the worst of what possibly happened. I still get pangs of embarrassment thinking about watching that panel bend in with that crunch sound, and looking totally inexperienced as I lost control and others sat and watched me bumble my way out of it. Ugh. I will know the damage to the boat shortly. And if my contract holds up and I am understanding things correctly, I will only owe $200. Fingers crossed there isnt some loophole.
UPDATE: 9-20
It only cost me $200. But as luck would have it I ran into one of the owners in line at HEB. He was not happy with me. I have not been back. Everyone is telling me to suck it up and go back. I need to. But my shame and fear is gripping my balls like a vice. Yet I am paying monthly so time to suck it up and get back out there.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Got a call from a fairly large company that wants to use me for consulting today over lunch. A quick $100 for an hour of my time. I could have asked for more but honestly I feel silly getting paid to give people my opinions. I suppose I should get over that. They are going to be making a lot of money with my advice. ;)
Weekend was good. Two friends from Houston joined me. We took the boat out, swam around, ate good Thai food, listened to music at my apartment, and acted like dorks half the time. Merged my Christian friend with a couple of my other friends which ended up being awkward for me in several places. I have great friends all around but many of them are polar opposites of each other. I wonder what that says about me?
Tonight I am meeting up with a friend to play some music. She has a great voice and we want to collaborate on some new stuff together. This is new to me because I have never worked with a female or an acoustic duo thing. I also plan on making some electronic music as soon as I buy the software. I want to really study other artists this time and see how they do what they do rather than being a purist. I used to want to ignore other artists work but I want to go the "copy your idols and then find your own voice" route this time around and see what happens.
Weekend was good. Two friends from Houston joined me. We took the boat out, swam around, ate good Thai food, listened to music at my apartment, and acted like dorks half the time. Merged my Christian friend with a couple of my other friends which ended up being awkward for me in several places. I have great friends all around but many of them are polar opposites of each other. I wonder what that says about me?
Tonight I am meeting up with a friend to play some music. She has a great voice and we want to collaborate on some new stuff together. This is new to me because I have never worked with a female or an acoustic duo thing. I also plan on making some electronic music as soon as I buy the software. I want to really study other artists this time and see how they do what they do rather than being a purist. I used to want to ignore other artists work but I want to go the "copy your idols and then find your own voice" route this time around and see what happens.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
ahoy pt2
Took my class today. It was fun. My instructor was 19. I have a hangnail older than him.
He basically had me drive around and get a feel for the boat and schooled me on the laws and regulations Ill be dealing with. Tomorrow a friend from Houston is coming in to see me and I'll have it waiting for us to take out.
Lake Travis is huge. There are cool little coves, marinas, beaches etc all along the 25 mile stretch. Pics to come.
He basically had me drive around and get a feel for the boat and schooled me on the laws and regulations Ill be dealing with. Tomorrow a friend from Houston is coming in to see me and I'll have it waiting for us to take out.
Lake Travis is huge. There are cool little coves, marinas, beaches etc all along the 25 mile stretch. Pics to come.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Ahoy
I went down to Lake Travis and signed up with a boat club today. Tomorrow is a 2 hour training thing where they break down all the club rules and show me how to handle the boats properly. They have big boats, fast boats, party boats, fishing boats, sailboats you name it. All for me to use, bring back and walk away from.
It wasn't cheap but its a tangible thing for myself to help me celebrate that I have been working hard and bringing results to my clients. Rather than go out and buy some giant TV or something that would make me feel uncomfortable, I figured a fun lifestyle change would be a better choice and I can bring family and friends along with me in the fun.
Offers are still coming in for more clients but I just dont have time in day to take on much more. I am thankful for this. I know the universe gives you what you put into it. I do believe you also aren't given things you can't handle. I had wanted to be in this place in the past but never got there. Probably because I was an idiot and didn't deserve it.
I hope I can continue to do well, get myself in a good place and then turn to helping others. I think this is a good plan. Its only fair.
It wasn't cheap but its a tangible thing for myself to help me celebrate that I have been working hard and bringing results to my clients. Rather than go out and buy some giant TV or something that would make me feel uncomfortable, I figured a fun lifestyle change would be a better choice and I can bring family and friends along with me in the fun.
Offers are still coming in for more clients but I just dont have time in day to take on much more. I am thankful for this. I know the universe gives you what you put into it. I do believe you also aren't given things you can't handle. I had wanted to be in this place in the past but never got there. Probably because I was an idiot and didn't deserve it.
I hope I can continue to do well, get myself in a good place and then turn to helping others. I think this is a good plan. Its only fair.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Tucker Max
If you go to http://www.tuckermax.com/ you will find a collection of debaucherous stories from a man completely following his Id and being a hilarious yet despicable person. The guys books have been on the New York Times bestseller list for years.
I've visited the site several times throughout the years and laughed at his adventures and marveled at this guys complete lack of consideration for the opinions of others, his ability to get laid, etc. In a twisted way I envied him.
A recent article explains that now Tucker Max has retired from this style of writing and the lifestyle that fueled it. He admits those years of his life were an absolute mental sickness. Classic narcissistic personality disorder or whatever. Hes in psychotherapy and dealing with his issues.
The article is eye opening because you wonder what becomes of a man who lives like this. This is an honest look at the only logical outcome. His life got him famous. He has countless women wanting to sleep with him even though his stories are a feminist's worst nightmare. He has countless men worshiping him as the intelligent and drunken party guy who wasn't afraid to live life on his own terms. He's got millions of dollars. But under it all he explains how he's just a fucked up person and doesn't want to be that way anymore. He is actively dealing with his childhood traumas and trying to come out of it a different and better person.
I have long thought about going to a psychologist. I was hesitant due partly to pride and money but now I think I don't really have an excuse. I know a lot of people who say its completely changed their lives. I believe it. I used to envy Tucker Max. That's probably reason enough to go to therapy right there.
I've visited the site several times throughout the years and laughed at his adventures and marveled at this guys complete lack of consideration for the opinions of others, his ability to get laid, etc. In a twisted way I envied him.
A recent article explains that now Tucker Max has retired from this style of writing and the lifestyle that fueled it. He admits those years of his life were an absolute mental sickness. Classic narcissistic personality disorder or whatever. Hes in psychotherapy and dealing with his issues.
The article is eye opening because you wonder what becomes of a man who lives like this. This is an honest look at the only logical outcome. His life got him famous. He has countless women wanting to sleep with him even though his stories are a feminist's worst nightmare. He has countless men worshiping him as the intelligent and drunken party guy who wasn't afraid to live life on his own terms. He's got millions of dollars. But under it all he explains how he's just a fucked up person and doesn't want to be that way anymore. He is actively dealing with his childhood traumas and trying to come out of it a different and better person.
I have long thought about going to a psychologist. I was hesitant due partly to pride and money but now I think I don't really have an excuse. I know a lot of people who say its completely changed their lives. I believe it. I used to envy Tucker Max. That's probably reason enough to go to therapy right there.
Friday, August 3, 2012
I met this gal last week at an event my buddy invited me to. Kinda like a singles happy hour thing. It was pretty cool. Lots of women.
I got her number and we just went out last night. Her hotness was blinding. She races horses. She was shy. Awesome girl. She talked about how every time she goes out no one says anything to her. I was dumbfounded that this was her reality.
The thing is I'm not sure I screwed it up. I think I handled it well We kissed a couple times. But I got a weird vibe she might not be interested enough. If anything it gave me courage to know that beautiful women are often without much dating action because guys are too scared to say anything.
I need to be better about getting over my shyness and saying hi.
I got her number and we just went out last night. Her hotness was blinding. She races horses. She was shy. Awesome girl. She talked about how every time she goes out no one says anything to her. I was dumbfounded that this was her reality.
The thing is I'm not sure I screwed it up. I think I handled it well We kissed a couple times. But I got a weird vibe she might not be interested enough. If anything it gave me courage to know that beautiful women are often without much dating action because guys are too scared to say anything.
I need to be better about getting over my shyness and saying hi.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
I think one of my bigger weaknesses is thinking most people know what the hell they are talking about.
I am just not 100% certain of much. I am always willing to hear an opposing view or a different angle to a story I have not considered. My problem is I hear somone's side or angle and then deeply question if I am incorrect. I then second guess myself and often end up assuming I am wrong when my initial reaction or belief was correct to begin with.
I envy those with an unwavering, almost blind commitment to an idea. These people have gotten a lot done throughout history. Its the pussies like me who sit on something and try to dissect every possible detail and nuance until I lose sight of the reality of a situation.
No surprise... I can see this also being a benefit in life.
Dammit I did it again.
I am just not 100% certain of much. I am always willing to hear an opposing view or a different angle to a story I have not considered. My problem is I hear somone's side or angle and then deeply question if I am incorrect. I then second guess myself and often end up assuming I am wrong when my initial reaction or belief was correct to begin with.
I envy those with an unwavering, almost blind commitment to an idea. These people have gotten a lot done throughout history. Its the pussies like me who sit on something and try to dissect every possible detail and nuance until I lose sight of the reality of a situation.
No surprise... I can see this also being a benefit in life.
Dammit I did it again.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Its a good day. I picked up a new client. I had the initial conversation yesterday and the check is already in the mail. Its the fastest consult to payment situation I have ever experienced.
I also have another previous client who ended up seeing results from June and will possibly reup our contract for August.
Finally I have a total of 3 more potential clients in various niches expressing interests in my services. If just one of those signs up with me then that will have officially passed my income goal (at least the monthly version of it) that I set for myself awhile back. I was hoping to hit it before 35. I am not even 34 yet.
Of course anything could happen. Clients could drop out. The economy could drop out. But for now I am proud of myself.
Time to go sailing. (literally)
I also have another previous client who ended up seeing results from June and will possibly reup our contract for August.
Finally I have a total of 3 more potential clients in various niches expressing interests in my services. If just one of those signs up with me then that will have officially passed my income goal (at least the monthly version of it) that I set for myself awhile back. I was hoping to hit it before 35. I am not even 34 yet.
Of course anything could happen. Clients could drop out. The economy could drop out. But for now I am proud of myself.
Time to go sailing. (literally)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
dream
I just woke up from a dream and wanted to document it before losing any of it by going back to sleep.
This dream was powerful. In the dream I was on a date with one of my ex-girlfriends. I won't say which one but it was one of the few who had a bigger impact on me when we broke up.
This date was a simple movie date. We were walking around a mall-like place before the movie started. In this dream I was doing what I usually do... going on dates with several women at once. I recall feeling a little feeling of being into her but wondering about other women at the same time. Basically it was very much like reality for me.
The conversation was good. It felt very real. Little details were there. Small asides we would say. The tiny details of a conversation. We were just walking around being ourselves. At one point I decided to let my guard down and pull her close. It felt good. I then did that thing where you sort of put your arms around her from behind while you two walk together.
She teared up and said this was only one of several times that this has happened to her. How it felt nice. I agreed and explained how I spend so much time alone. I was taken aback by her showing this kind of emotion. It was unexpected.
We continued to walk towards the movie theater. Not sure what happened at this point but basically as we walked the conversation turned and it we began to talk about things in a more negative light. Like the relationship might not work.
I suppose I was trying to make light of it and made her jump on my back and we picked up the pace because I noticed we were late to the movie.
The theater was in front of us now, down a big staircase. I jumped down some stairs and she kind of fell off my back. She wasn't hurt but we ended up sitting down on the steps for a second and talking.
At this point she broke into a monologue I have never heard from a woman. About being in love. And it was the most simple, rational and beautiful explanation I have ever heard. She was crying as she explained it to me. She was gorgeous as she sat on those steps and poured her thoughts out. Quiet. Passionate. Intense. A woman who knew exactly what she wanted from life. I could see in her eyes that this was a subject she had put a lot of thought into. She was talking to herself and me and the same time.
Most of what she said has faded at this point but I remember her describing to me the roles we would serve in each others lives from dating and beyond. The simple roles of male and female and what to expect from each other. What she expected from me. What she promised to offer me. The feelings this would bring each other. How our lives would be better because of it. I was blown away.
We then looked at our tickets and realized we were 15 minutes late. The movie had started. I said we were just in time to miss the previews so we got up and continued down the stairs. I woke up.
This dream was very simple. Yet I am really moved by it. It had an ending which most dreams do not. It felt important. I wanted exactly how she described things. She sold me. I could see myself actually letting myself fall for her.
Basically this was a dream about that moment where everything changes. There would be no turning back from a woman with this kind of self assurance and certainty of the kind of love she wants to give and receive. Sometimes I feel like I need that. To have an amazing woman break through my fear like this.
I'm sad I don't have something like that but happy to know my mind is obviously concerned with it. I was ready to put aside other women. I was ready to be everything she expected. I was ready to see what she could offer me and stop living my life in fear. I wanted to let my guard down and just be with someone. Something about the power of that mixed with your run of the mill movie date gave the dream something special.
I woke up as I do from all dreams that feel significant. Alert. Not groggy. Almost as if I wasn't even asleep. It made me realize how I have had few moments with a woman like that. And its really my fault. I fear caring for someone that intensely and that's no way to live.
Maybe it will happen for me. Not sure if it will be a beautiful monologue like that though. Wow.
This dream was powerful. In the dream I was on a date with one of my ex-girlfriends. I won't say which one but it was one of the few who had a bigger impact on me when we broke up.
This date was a simple movie date. We were walking around a mall-like place before the movie started. In this dream I was doing what I usually do... going on dates with several women at once. I recall feeling a little feeling of being into her but wondering about other women at the same time. Basically it was very much like reality for me.
The conversation was good. It felt very real. Little details were there. Small asides we would say. The tiny details of a conversation. We were just walking around being ourselves. At one point I decided to let my guard down and pull her close. It felt good. I then did that thing where you sort of put your arms around her from behind while you two walk together.
She teared up and said this was only one of several times that this has happened to her. How it felt nice. I agreed and explained how I spend so much time alone. I was taken aback by her showing this kind of emotion. It was unexpected.
We continued to walk towards the movie theater. Not sure what happened at this point but basically as we walked the conversation turned and it we began to talk about things in a more negative light. Like the relationship might not work.
I suppose I was trying to make light of it and made her jump on my back and we picked up the pace because I noticed we were late to the movie.
The theater was in front of us now, down a big staircase. I jumped down some stairs and she kind of fell off my back. She wasn't hurt but we ended up sitting down on the steps for a second and talking.
At this point she broke into a monologue I have never heard from a woman. About being in love. And it was the most simple, rational and beautiful explanation I have ever heard. She was crying as she explained it to me. She was gorgeous as she sat on those steps and poured her thoughts out. Quiet. Passionate. Intense. A woman who knew exactly what she wanted from life. I could see in her eyes that this was a subject she had put a lot of thought into. She was talking to herself and me and the same time.
Most of what she said has faded at this point but I remember her describing to me the roles we would serve in each others lives from dating and beyond. The simple roles of male and female and what to expect from each other. What she expected from me. What she promised to offer me. The feelings this would bring each other. How our lives would be better because of it. I was blown away.
We then looked at our tickets and realized we were 15 minutes late. The movie had started. I said we were just in time to miss the previews so we got up and continued down the stairs. I woke up.
This dream was very simple. Yet I am really moved by it. It had an ending which most dreams do not. It felt important. I wanted exactly how she described things. She sold me. I could see myself actually letting myself fall for her.
Basically this was a dream about that moment where everything changes. There would be no turning back from a woman with this kind of self assurance and certainty of the kind of love she wants to give and receive. Sometimes I feel like I need that. To have an amazing woman break through my fear like this.
I'm sad I don't have something like that but happy to know my mind is obviously concerned with it. I was ready to put aside other women. I was ready to be everything she expected. I was ready to see what she could offer me and stop living my life in fear. I wanted to let my guard down and just be with someone. Something about the power of that mixed with your run of the mill movie date gave the dream something special.
I woke up as I do from all dreams that feel significant. Alert. Not groggy. Almost as if I wasn't even asleep. It made me realize how I have had few moments with a woman like that. And its really my fault. I fear caring for someone that intensely and that's no way to live.
Maybe it will happen for me. Not sure if it will be a beautiful monologue like that though. Wow.
Monday, July 30, 2012
My two friends who started dating have broken up. It boiled down to a trust issue that was born Saturday night. Drunken shenanigans. Nothing major. But she couldn't bring herself to trust him even though all signs point to her being able to. She says its how he handled the situation moreso than the situation itself. I can respect that.
Regardless... another one bights the dust.
As for me, I have two dates this week. I had one lined up yesterday but she said she got called into work and profusely apologized. How did I know it was legit? She suggested a raincheck date Thursday. Women who aren't interested never offer a second date opportunity, its just a nebulous excuse with no real attempt to try again. Not this one. Nice.
And holy moly is she hot. Way way hot.
Regardless... another one bights the dust.
As for me, I have two dates this week. I had one lined up yesterday but she said she got called into work and profusely apologized. How did I know it was legit? She suggested a raincheck date Thursday. Women who aren't interested never offer a second date opportunity, its just a nebulous excuse with no real attempt to try again. Not this one. Nice.
And holy moly is she hot. Way way hot.
Friday, July 27, 2012
I want to document some long-standing thoughts I have but I fear it coming off as whiny, thankless or pathetic. I have a great life and I truly believe this all the way down so Ill start off by saying that. Life is an amazing little gift and I wake up thankful for it most of the time.
So begin rant:
I'm not really sure how it is for most people but I have pretty much 0 family life. I'm an only child so no siblings. No wife or kids which is fine. That will come someday if I decide that's what I want. But I literally can go months without hearing from a single family member. And yes Facebook doesn't count. Fuck Facebook. It's brief and carefully constructed glimpse into people's lives has a way of softening the fact that your communication is next to nothing. Its a lie and tricks you into feeling like you are maintaining a relationship.
My family is shamefully divided. Our yearly meetups are nice but I dont feel we really have connection beyond basic pleasantries. And the connections we do have are never fully expressed or built on. I can't remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation with anyone in my family. I know its happened but it doesn't happen much. I honestly feel like I dont really know anyone very well at all. They are Thanksgiving conversations. Their dreams and ambitions are a total mystery to me. They are caricatures. The Neocon Uncle. The estranged adopted cousin. I talk more about life with my friends than my family. Is that normal?
It seems the only shred of an attempt to maintain connection comes with the cousins. We all agree we should stick together and get dialog going about it. Yet life comes up and the next thing you know its been 6 months and you haven't spoken to anyone.
I hear friends who say they talk to their family members frequently. They turn to each other for advice, call each other to check up and catch up. I have none of this and it starts to piss me off sometimes. My friends actually are my family because if I didnt have them I would get a phone call just about every 6 months. And I would have probably driven to San Francisco and jumped off the bridge years ago. My friends keep me sane.
I know its partly distance and each group has their own lives they are consumed with. Kids, jobs, their own relationships, illusions of some nature etc. But there is a definite divide with communication that I wonder if other families deal with. I often feel a pang of loneliness like I don't really have a family at all.
Now here is where my grown-up inner voice comes in:
"You could totally make the first move and call people to check up. Why are you waiting on them? You know they would be happy to hear from you. They have no clue you feel so isolated from them"
True that, voice.
Also I am more aware of the distance simply because I dont have a family of my own. I think when you are wrapped up in the daily life of a small nuclear family you forget you have outside members who miss you.
This is all something I am fully aware of so this little rant is not a total desperate plea as much as a deep annoyance. But honestly at some point you can only make the first move so much before you start to feel lame.
So begin rant:
I'm not really sure how it is for most people but I have pretty much 0 family life. I'm an only child so no siblings. No wife or kids which is fine. That will come someday if I decide that's what I want. But I literally can go months without hearing from a single family member. And yes Facebook doesn't count. Fuck Facebook. It's brief and carefully constructed glimpse into people's lives has a way of softening the fact that your communication is next to nothing. Its a lie and tricks you into feeling like you are maintaining a relationship.
My family is shamefully divided. Our yearly meetups are nice but I dont feel we really have connection beyond basic pleasantries. And the connections we do have are never fully expressed or built on. I can't remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation with anyone in my family. I know its happened but it doesn't happen much. I honestly feel like I dont really know anyone very well at all. They are Thanksgiving conversations. Their dreams and ambitions are a total mystery to me. They are caricatures. The Neocon Uncle. The estranged adopted cousin. I talk more about life with my friends than my family. Is that normal?
It seems the only shred of an attempt to maintain connection comes with the cousins. We all agree we should stick together and get dialog going about it. Yet life comes up and the next thing you know its been 6 months and you haven't spoken to anyone.
I hear friends who say they talk to their family members frequently. They turn to each other for advice, call each other to check up and catch up. I have none of this and it starts to piss me off sometimes. My friends actually are my family because if I didnt have them I would get a phone call just about every 6 months. And I would have probably driven to San Francisco and jumped off the bridge years ago. My friends keep me sane.
I know its partly distance and each group has their own lives they are consumed with. Kids, jobs, their own relationships, illusions of some nature etc. But there is a definite divide with communication that I wonder if other families deal with. I often feel a pang of loneliness like I don't really have a family at all.
Now here is where my grown-up inner voice comes in:
"You could totally make the first move and call people to check up. Why are you waiting on them? You know they would be happy to hear from you. They have no clue you feel so isolated from them"
True that, voice.
Also I am more aware of the distance simply because I dont have a family of my own. I think when you are wrapped up in the daily life of a small nuclear family you forget you have outside members who miss you.
This is all something I am fully aware of so this little rant is not a total desperate plea as much as a deep annoyance. But honestly at some point you can only make the first move so much before you start to feel lame.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Miracles for Sale
There's a British magician/hypnotist who embarked on an amazing little experiment to take an ordinary man and turn him into a "faith healer" to expose the lies, greed and sometimes needless death that comes from this "industry".
Its probably the best documentary/reality show ideas ever and it had me glued. They created an entire background and website for this guy, taught him how to hypnotize people, and sent him to Texas (of course).
Here is the website they completely made up
Here is the show documenting the entire adventure from the actor selection process, to training him, to visiting other faith healers incognito etc. Awesome television that I'm guessing could never be made in the US.
Its hard to watch sometimes because they blatantly deceive good people but they do a good job of explaining that their mission is worth the momentary deception.
Its probably the best documentary/reality show ideas ever and it had me glued. They created an entire background and website for this guy, taught him how to hypnotize people, and sent him to Texas (of course).
Here is the website they completely made up
Here is the show documenting the entire adventure from the actor selection process, to training him, to visiting other faith healers incognito etc. Awesome television that I'm guessing could never be made in the US.
Its hard to watch sometimes because they blatantly deceive good people but they do a good job of explaining that their mission is worth the momentary deception.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
I don't have much to say about the movie theater shooting in Colorado. It reminds me that you never know what is going to happen to you and to really appreciate the time you've been given here.
I'm friends on Facebook with someone who actually lost a friend from it. Of course its Facebook, so the truth is I met her once in San Antonio playing a show, we became FB friends and that's it, but still sad to see someone I have met lose a good friend.
This person was actually featured on CNN. She was a beautiful aspiring reporter. Ironically, a few weeks ago she narrowly missed being in a mall shoot-out and wrote in her blog about how she is grateful for her life. Very sad.
You never think that something as harmless as going to see a movie will be your last moments. I've been very lucky with my life and fingers crossed I will continue to stay that way. Hoping those involved can make sense out of it and keep going.
I'm friends on Facebook with someone who actually lost a friend from it. Of course its Facebook, so the truth is I met her once in San Antonio playing a show, we became FB friends and that's it, but still sad to see someone I have met lose a good friend.
This person was actually featured on CNN. She was a beautiful aspiring reporter. Ironically, a few weeks ago she narrowly missed being in a mall shoot-out and wrote in her blog about how she is grateful for her life. Very sad.
You never think that something as harmless as going to see a movie will be your last moments. I've been very lucky with my life and fingers crossed I will continue to stay that way. Hoping those involved can make sense out of it and keep going.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
So much wasted time. I don't want to do that anymore.
When I think about all the things I could have done with my time in my 20s, rather than chasing moronic women or sleeping in because I was hungover or something equally wasteful I get really upset with myself.
My current checklist of life enhancing things involve:
1. The boat rental thing.
Its going to be pricey for the first month but I have enough free time to really take advantage of the membership. Its only the weekdays because I am starting with their lowest package but I don't mind. Also it doesnt get dark until 9pm anyway so plenty of time to get out on the water with friends after work.
2. Music software
A few months ago I bought some software that I really got into. I was recording and losing track of time again. I came out of it with one song with a lot of potential. I let the trial expire so now I can't save anything until I buy the damn thing so I think Im just going to do that next month.
I don't want to let music creation slip out of my life and buying this software is the first step to getting back into it hardcore. I plan to create scratch tracks and show them to other musicians and get something else going someday soon. I am excited with the possibilities of starting a new project that I believe in 100%. Well at least 90%.
When I think about all the things I could have done with my time in my 20s, rather than chasing moronic women or sleeping in because I was hungover or something equally wasteful I get really upset with myself.
My current checklist of life enhancing things involve:
1. The boat rental thing.
Its going to be pricey for the first month but I have enough free time to really take advantage of the membership. Its only the weekdays because I am starting with their lowest package but I don't mind. Also it doesnt get dark until 9pm anyway so plenty of time to get out on the water with friends after work.
2. Music software
A few months ago I bought some software that I really got into. I was recording and losing track of time again. I came out of it with one song with a lot of potential. I let the trial expire so now I can't save anything until I buy the damn thing so I think Im just going to do that next month.
I don't want to let music creation slip out of my life and buying this software is the first step to getting back into it hardcore. I plan to create scratch tracks and show them to other musicians and get something else going someday soon. I am excited with the possibilities of starting a new project that I believe in 100%. Well at least 90%.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Karen Klein
Just read about this. Happy to see she's getting some sort of retribution.
http://www.indiegogo.com/loveforkarenhklein?c=home
I could not make it through the entire video of the harrassment. The boys are a waste of cells and deserve severe punishment.
http://www.indiegogo.com/loveforkarenhklein?c=home
I could not make it through the entire video of the harrassment. The boys are a waste of cells and deserve severe punishment.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Fred Rogers
Saw a silly remix song with Mr. Rogers on Facebook today.
It got me remembering him so I went down the rabbit hole and started researching him. What a great man.
Here he is accepting a lifetime achievement award in 1997 among a bunch of fake daytime actors.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Upm9LnuCBUM
And this is even better...
A perfect example of living your life in a way that affects people profoundly can be found at the 25:50 mark of the following video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=xjD3LtozAQk
He died of stomach cancer less than 5 years after this amazing interview.
Here he is defending public television to a board and, literally on camera, winning over the man responsible for granting them 20 million dollars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q&feature=player_embedded
RIP Fred. If there is a heaven you are there.
It got me remembering him so I went down the rabbit hole and started researching him. What a great man.
Here he is accepting a lifetime achievement award in 1997 among a bunch of fake daytime actors.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Upm9LnuCBUM
And this is even better...
A perfect example of living your life in a way that affects people profoundly can be found at the 25:50 mark of the following video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=xjD3LtozAQk
He died of stomach cancer less than 5 years after this amazing interview.
Here he is defending public television to a board and, literally on camera, winning over the man responsible for granting them 20 million dollars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q&feature=player_embedded
RIP Fred. If there is a heaven you are there.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Quality
Okay so the month is wrapping up here and I have a client who is not getting the results he'd like. So not sure he will be continuing to use my services. 5 days left to make a sale. Fingers crossed.
But in his place 3 more people have expressed interest in working with me. This is great. When you do good work for people, they talk.
If I was really ambitious I would find a way to systematize what I do and then get other people to do the work for me while I turn my focus only to acquiring new clients. I will get there. I'm okay with doing the work myself for now.
No clue how this coming month will turn out but Im hopeful it will be as good or better than last month. If so I am rewarding myself with a boat rental membership. Sailing, wakeboarding etc. That would really make this Austin heat worth it this summer.
Will it happen?
Dunno. But I should probably get back to work to make sure.
But in his place 3 more people have expressed interest in working with me. This is great. When you do good work for people, they talk.
If I was really ambitious I would find a way to systematize what I do and then get other people to do the work for me while I turn my focus only to acquiring new clients. I will get there. I'm okay with doing the work myself for now.
No clue how this coming month will turn out but Im hopeful it will be as good or better than last month. If so I am rewarding myself with a boat rental membership. Sailing, wakeboarding etc. That would really make this Austin heat worth it this summer.
Will it happen?
Dunno. But I should probably get back to work to make sure.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
weird dreams. This one last night had a different feel to it. Like I was struggling to wake up. I thought I had.
So I got up and walked into a room with my grandmother lying in bed. She was older but not the state she was before she died. She had the light on. I asked her if she wanted me to turn the light off so she could sleep. She said no. So I went back to bed. And then my great grandmother was there. She looked a little different but for some reason I knew it was her. I think she had a british accent which is funny.
She said "You don't have to spend so much time alone." Then she said something about moving the wind with other people. Being creative outside of isolation. Its very hazy but something along those lines. Tough to decipher now but made sense when she told me.
In this dream or vision or whatever I was aware that I was asleep and got very curious so I started asking questions about what was going on. Was this the other side? What was it like for her? I forget her answers. She seemed to be in a hurry. Like she was supposed to tell me this one thing and leave. She walked through the wall and was gone (similar to another sleep-state thing I've experienced in the past)
Before she appeared something else was happening. Something was pushing me around my bed. Like nudging me, lifting me up. Almost like play-wrestling. I was frustrated with it. The sensations felt very real. The whole time all these things were happening I couldnt tell if I was awake or asleep.
I was on edge with all these experiences. Like just at the point of freaking out but holding it together.
Very weird night.
So I got up and walked into a room with my grandmother lying in bed. She was older but not the state she was before she died. She had the light on. I asked her if she wanted me to turn the light off so she could sleep. She said no. So I went back to bed. And then my great grandmother was there. She looked a little different but for some reason I knew it was her. I think she had a british accent which is funny.
She said "You don't have to spend so much time alone." Then she said something about moving the wind with other people. Being creative outside of isolation. Its very hazy but something along those lines. Tough to decipher now but made sense when she told me.
In this dream or vision or whatever I was aware that I was asleep and got very curious so I started asking questions about what was going on. Was this the other side? What was it like for her? I forget her answers. She seemed to be in a hurry. Like she was supposed to tell me this one thing and leave. She walked through the wall and was gone (similar to another sleep-state thing I've experienced in the past)
Before she appeared something else was happening. Something was pushing me around my bed. Like nudging me, lifting me up. Almost like play-wrestling. I was frustrated with it. The sensations felt very real. The whole time all these things were happening I couldnt tell if I was awake or asleep.
I was on edge with all these experiences. Like just at the point of freaking out but holding it together.
Very weird night.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I've been lining up dates this week. Had one Monday night and last night.
Monday night - Cute girl. A bit young but very self aware. Marathon runner. Has 2 pet rabbits. Used to be "obese" (her words) but now uber fit. Amazing transformation because I would never have expected that. I'm going running with her Thursday.
Tuesday night - NYC transplant. Has a knack for Poker and actually wins tournaments. Travels a lot by herself. A bit shy but I still got a kiss before the night was over. I am going to try to find a poker game around town and watch her clean up and then go party with the winnings.
Tonight is the gal who wouldnt look me in the eye last time. This should be interesting.
UPDATE****
she still wouldnt.
Monday night - Cute girl. A bit young but very self aware. Marathon runner. Has 2 pet rabbits. Used to be "obese" (her words) but now uber fit. Amazing transformation because I would never have expected that. I'm going running with her Thursday.
Tuesday night - NYC transplant. Has a knack for Poker and actually wins tournaments. Travels a lot by herself. A bit shy but I still got a kiss before the night was over. I am going to try to find a poker game around town and watch her clean up and then go party with the winnings.
Tonight is the gal who wouldnt look me in the eye last time. This should be interesting.
UPDATE****
she still wouldnt.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Roughing it.
Went camping with a few guys this weekend.
We were pretty prepared. Lots of food, beer and even some expensive scotch. We swam, grilled on a fire, watched the stars, listened to music and got hammered.
We then went night swimming which was a total blast. We swam out to a bouy and used that to rest in between treading water. My whole body is sore from it.
Got a date tonight. I've been on one date with her about 6 months ago and she wouldnt look me in the eye (she later admitted she was nervous). I figured I would try it again and see if she'll be less nervous. Shes way cute.
I'm considering joining a boat club here in Austin. You basically pay a one-time, fairly large entry fee but then its a couple hundred bucks a month to rent different kinds of boats. They supply you with wakeboarding/skiing gear and even gas the thing up for you. Its all the fun of boat ownership without the hassles and douchebaggery of being a boat owner.
I figured if I have another month like this month I'll pull the trigger. Im scared I won't be able to sustain it, though no signs of that are presenting themselves. I'm such an effing pessimist sometimes.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
The Races
Hit up Dallas this weekend with Abe for Indie Car races. Not a huge fan but it was surprisingly awesome. Those cars hit something like 220 mph so watching them do that in person is surreal.
Back now and looking at the best month of my life financially. Of course the longevity of it is something I am cautiously optimistic about. Still good news on the work front. Hoping to parlay that into a nice trend.
For the races we stayed in Plano at my friend's sisters place (she was out of town).
Plano Texas is a nightmare. No trees. All storefronts and concrete. Awful suburban wasteland. The pool we swam in was nice though.
A gal literally asked for my phone number when we were out one night which was a refreshing departure from the average male/female dynamic I am used to. I was like... "wait what?" Of course it never materialized because I live in Austin and Plano sucks and I had to get the F out.
Still my dating life is non-existent here in Austin. Shameful situation I need to correct.
Back now and looking at the best month of my life financially. Of course the longevity of it is something I am cautiously optimistic about. Still good news on the work front. Hoping to parlay that into a nice trend.
For the races we stayed in Plano at my friend's sisters place (she was out of town).
Plano Texas is a nightmare. No trees. All storefronts and concrete. Awful suburban wasteland. The pool we swam in was nice though.
A gal literally asked for my phone number when we were out one night which was a refreshing departure from the average male/female dynamic I am used to. I was like... "wait what?" Of course it never materialized because I live in Austin and Plano sucks and I had to get the F out.
Still my dating life is non-existent here in Austin. Shameful situation I need to correct.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
back from denver. pics to come.
work is going well. I feel pretty clear headed and focused.
But lately I am very aware of what's happening to my social circle as I get older. Its dwindling down to very few single and/or childless people left in my town I can hang out with. People leave town. People pair up. People procreate. I work with what I have.
My good friend and my other good friend have now began dating. Its kind of weird but I like them both so I wish them luck. But of course if it goes sour I am going to be thrown in there somehow, regardless of how much I stay out of their relationship.
Heading to Dallas next week with a friend who is dating a woman with a kid. Luckily, its just going to be me and him doing the most pointless, manly thing I can think of. Watching cars speed around a track at very fast speeds. I have never done this so while I am not super excited, the ticket is free and I am curious to witness this in person. Worth experiencing once I would assume.
Got a date with a gal tonight. On a confidence scale I would say I'm hovering around a 6 out of 10 today. Part of me wants to have something very casual. Part of me wants to meet someone cool with potential.
Details to come...
work is going well. I feel pretty clear headed and focused.
But lately I am very aware of what's happening to my social circle as I get older. Its dwindling down to very few single and/or childless people left in my town I can hang out with. People leave town. People pair up. People procreate. I work with what I have.
My good friend and my other good friend have now began dating. Its kind of weird but I like them both so I wish them luck. But of course if it goes sour I am going to be thrown in there somehow, regardless of how much I stay out of their relationship.
Heading to Dallas next week with a friend who is dating a woman with a kid. Luckily, its just going to be me and him doing the most pointless, manly thing I can think of. Watching cars speed around a track at very fast speeds. I have never done this so while I am not super excited, the ticket is free and I am curious to witness this in person. Worth experiencing once I would assume.
Got a date with a gal tonight. On a confidence scale I would say I'm hovering around a 6 out of 10 today. Part of me wants to have something very casual. Part of me wants to meet someone cool with potential.
Details to come...
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Work just exploded on me.
I have taken on 2 new clients and a third is in the works. I am probably getting in over my head but if so Ill just end up hiring a virtual assistant.
Its exciting because if I can generate these clients the results they want, then I am on my way to big boy income.
What does this mean for me? Hookers? Jets? Garbage bags of cocaine?
Hardly.
This means I can start socking away all the money I wasn't making in my 20s. This means I can pay down my credit card debt, my student loans, my enormous tax bill this year. This means I can avoid that awful feeling of not having enough to cover my bills at the end of the month. Or picking the cheapest thing on the menu. Or fearing my car breaking down.
This means I can give great gifts to the people I love on their birthdays. I can pick up the tab when having dinner with them. This means I can take more trips to cool places like my upcoming trip to Denver this week. This means I can save for killer trips like Europe or South America and survive comfortably when I'm there.
This means I can sock away some cash in a Health Savings Account for routine checkups. This means I can Biggie Size it. This means a lot.
Gotta stay focused and bring these people results.
I have taken on 2 new clients and a third is in the works. I am probably getting in over my head but if so Ill just end up hiring a virtual assistant.
Its exciting because if I can generate these clients the results they want, then I am on my way to big boy income.
What does this mean for me? Hookers? Jets? Garbage bags of cocaine?
Hardly.
This means I can start socking away all the money I wasn't making in my 20s. This means I can pay down my credit card debt, my student loans, my enormous tax bill this year. This means I can avoid that awful feeling of not having enough to cover my bills at the end of the month. Or picking the cheapest thing on the menu. Or fearing my car breaking down.
This means I can give great gifts to the people I love on their birthdays. I can pick up the tab when having dinner with them. This means I can take more trips to cool places like my upcoming trip to Denver this week. This means I can save for killer trips like Europe or South America and survive comfortably when I'm there.
This means I can sock away some cash in a Health Savings Account for routine checkups. This means I can Biggie Size it. This means a lot.
Gotta stay focused and bring these people results.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
I read a quote by Tim Ferris that basically said you can judge the quality of your life based on the number of uncomfortable conversations you are willing to have with people. He was mainly speaking of business but I think its pretty true across the board.
Last night I broke off my relationship. It wasn't easy. It was stressful. I hate being the cause of someone's pain. I felt pain. She felt pain. Just an overall suckfest.
The hardest part about breaking up is realizing you are also leaving behind a lot of great stuff. Sometimes unique things that only that person will ever be able to give.
Of course I have reasons why I felt it was the best thing but I suppose Ill keep that to myself and the people in my life rather than a semi-public forum like this (who am I kidding, nobody reads it). I only want the best for her and hope we both find a great match someday that will bring us the happiness we deserve.
Last night I broke off my relationship. It wasn't easy. It was stressful. I hate being the cause of someone's pain. I felt pain. She felt pain. Just an overall suckfest.
The hardest part about breaking up is realizing you are also leaving behind a lot of great stuff. Sometimes unique things that only that person will ever be able to give.
Of course I have reasons why I felt it was the best thing but I suppose Ill keep that to myself and the people in my life rather than a semi-public forum like this (who am I kidding, nobody reads it). I only want the best for her and hope we both find a great match someday that will bring us the happiness we deserve.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Radical Cost of Living Increase
my buddy is in Hawaii now. Everything he owns is sold. Car. Furniture. Everything. It was a bold move. He is making great money but look at these stats I uncovered... This is the stats of someone making $50K per year and how much its actually worth in Honolulu.
Think Ill just visit.
Think Ill just visit.
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Current Location
New LocationThursday, May 17, 2012
Google Maps Updated
Here is the plot of land where my old house used to be.
The earlier search version had an old pic showing the house still standing. I knew it was a matter of time before Google updated the photo, completely erasing any visual representation of what it once was. Luckily I have a photo or two of it. And the screenshot I took before it updated. (genius)
I have memories of being drunk and crying in that vacant lot after sneaking under the fence and walking down to the river to see what became of it. I also stole a no trespassing sign from that fence. They have not added another which is great.
I dig the driveway leading to nothing. No need to get rid of that.
Good riddance Channelview TX. You have turned into an ugly thing. May you be completely razed to the ground one day.
The earlier search version had an old pic showing the house still standing. I knew it was a matter of time before Google updated the photo, completely erasing any visual representation of what it once was. Luckily I have a photo or two of it. And the screenshot I took before it updated. (genius)
I have memories of being drunk and crying in that vacant lot after sneaking under the fence and walking down to the river to see what became of it. I also stole a no trespassing sign from that fence. They have not added another which is great.
I dig the driveway leading to nothing. No need to get rid of that.
Good riddance Channelview TX. You have turned into an ugly thing. May you be completely razed to the ground one day.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
went to see a neil young cover show last night with my friend who is leaving to Hawaii next month.
Good times. Ill be sad to see him go. But now I have a cool reason to go to Hawaii.
The only thing I want to mention about last night is the absurd amount of hot women in this town. It's absolutely ridiculous. There is something in the water here.
Good times. Ill be sad to see him go. But now I have a cool reason to go to Hawaii.
The only thing I want to mention about last night is the absurd amount of hot women in this town. It's absolutely ridiculous. There is something in the water here.
Friday, May 4, 2012
RIP MCA
one of my childhood idols has died from cancer.
I wanted to BE the beastie boys when I was 17. I'm actually sad for the death of someone I have never met. And reminded how scary cancer is.
I wanted to BE the beastie boys when I was 17. I'm actually sad for the death of someone I have never met. And reminded how scary cancer is.
I've been having some interesting conversations with two friends about the economy.
They are both Keynesians and think my Austrian viewpoints are flawed. They think Ron Paul is a ranting lunatic. They think fiat money is a good thing. All I can say is history will prove who is right. All their stats and economic lingo can't shake my views. I am more interested in hearing both sides now which can only make me a better person to have this discussion with, but something about having human beings controlling and manipulating the economy seems too risky.
I see it as we have kicked the snowball down the hill. Its now a raging avalanche and your economic stance on it is meaningless. There is a town under that mountain and the damage is coming.
They are both Keynesians and think my Austrian viewpoints are flawed. They think Ron Paul is a ranting lunatic. They think fiat money is a good thing. All I can say is history will prove who is right. All their stats and economic lingo can't shake my views. I am more interested in hearing both sides now which can only make me a better person to have this discussion with, but something about having human beings controlling and manipulating the economy seems too risky.
I see it as we have kicked the snowball down the hill. Its now a raging avalanche and your economic stance on it is meaningless. There is a town under that mountain and the damage is coming.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
I am confident I will hit my income goals within the next year. I planned on 35 but I think I will hit them earlier.
My savings are practically nothing. I have no assets to speak of. I have embarrassing credit card debt.
So it's about time.
But I am in a great position as far as my career goes. I sort of accidentally stumbled into a great line of work a few years ago and its finally starting to pick up steam.
I am talking with 3 potential new clients. My current client wants to use me in his future projects and willing to outbid other clients showing interest. I actually know what the hell I'm doing. Nice.
My savings are practically nothing. I have no assets to speak of. I have embarrassing credit card debt.
So it's about time.
But I am in a great position as far as my career goes. I sort of accidentally stumbled into a great line of work a few years ago and its finally starting to pick up steam.
I am talking with 3 potential new clients. My current client wants to use me in his future projects and willing to outbid other clients showing interest. I actually know what the hell I'm doing. Nice.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
100% Done
Nearly 1.5 years ago we started recording this album.
The problem was money. We would run out, save up and then continue. But the final mixes are now being sent to the mastering guy and we should have our final product in the next few days.
Lots of different emotions surrounding this. Lots of questions. How will this be received? If well, then what?
I know that I am not done playing music. Its the only thing I've ever done that I can say I'm proud of. If anything I can use this as a jumping off point for new projects. Like a resume.
We are going to have a listening party which should be a bittersweet event. The band is done. This is the best and only album we will ever release. I'm proud of most of it. How many people can say they were a part of a full-blown LP?
I have nearly 5 years of memories with this band. I started this blog right as we formed so a lot of our experiences are documented here, which I am grateful for.
Next we figure out track listing, liner notes, printing, copyrights etc. The boring stuff. The boring stuff loaded with drama and potential ego battles. We are not out of the woods just yet.
The problem was money. We would run out, save up and then continue. But the final mixes are now being sent to the mastering guy and we should have our final product in the next few days.
Lots of different emotions surrounding this. Lots of questions. How will this be received? If well, then what?
I know that I am not done playing music. Its the only thing I've ever done that I can say I'm proud of. If anything I can use this as a jumping off point for new projects. Like a resume.
We are going to have a listening party which should be a bittersweet event. The band is done. This is the best and only album we will ever release. I'm proud of most of it. How many people can say they were a part of a full-blown LP?
I have nearly 5 years of memories with this band. I started this blog right as we formed so a lot of our experiences are documented here, which I am grateful for.
Next we figure out track listing, liner notes, printing, copyrights etc. The boring stuff. The boring stuff loaded with drama and potential ego battles. We are not out of the woods just yet.
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