a photographer from austinsound.net snapped a couple pics of us that look pretty cool.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/photosbyamanda/tags/legsagainstarms/
fingers crossed that a show review is posted soon as well.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
and I quote
"And filling out the bill is the considerably newer act Legs Against Arms, who thrill in the sort of tension/release build and uneasy lyricism that we find in all of rock music’s anti-heroes." -The Austinist
Our first media mention.
Tonight was a good night. packed house (for the other band) and we didn't screw it up.
Our first media mention.
Tonight was a good night. packed house (for the other band) and we didn't screw it up.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
stupid stupid....
I let a friend cut my hair. It wasnt so bad.
But i was looking at it last night.
"Hmm lets just do a little something with the bangs"
WRONG.
Dont do it!
Now I look like a retard. I'm going to go find a stylist today and do some damage control.
RIGHT BEFORE OUR BIG SHOW TOO!
This is hilariously tragic.
But i was looking at it last night.
"Hmm lets just do a little something with the bangs"
WRONG.
Dont do it!
Now I look like a retard. I'm going to go find a stylist today and do some damage control.
RIGHT BEFORE OUR BIG SHOW TOO!
This is hilariously tragic.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Only Austin
So last night my friend Emily calls me up and asks if I want to check out something she has been raving about to me forever. TC's blues jam.
I always hesitated because
a. i typically think blues music sucks
b. the types of people that go to blues jams are usually older, grizzled men
c. i do not really fit in with older grizzled men.
But I had just spent the last hour or so watching a copywriting seminar on DVD and was in need of some sort of stimulation so I went.
The bar (or should I say shack) was located in the territory of Austin I have rarely visited. The East side. The ghetto if you will. As I was driving my expectations were falling right into place.
So I get there and OH MY GOD.
This place was packed to the walls with people. Young people. Drop dead gorgeous women dancing their asses off to blues music played by a nerdy white guy.
No air conditioner so the women were shaking it while holding their hair up and sweating their asses off. The energy was electric. It was like something out of a film. I wanted to just completely get into it but I couldn't because I was so shocked at the vibe of the place. Only Austin will you find dilapidated shacks in the middle of the ghetto with an atmosphere like that. People just yelling and partying and those sick-hot texas women in cute dresses. It was something else.
the music even seemed, dare i say it, good.
I always hesitated because
a. i typically think blues music sucks
b. the types of people that go to blues jams are usually older, grizzled men
c. i do not really fit in with older grizzled men.
But I had just spent the last hour or so watching a copywriting seminar on DVD and was in need of some sort of stimulation so I went.
The bar (or should I say shack) was located in the territory of Austin I have rarely visited. The East side. The ghetto if you will. As I was driving my expectations were falling right into place.
So I get there and OH MY GOD.
This place was packed to the walls with people. Young people. Drop dead gorgeous women dancing their asses off to blues music played by a nerdy white guy.
No air conditioner so the women were shaking it while holding their hair up and sweating their asses off. The energy was electric. It was like something out of a film. I wanted to just completely get into it but I couldn't because I was so shocked at the vibe of the place. Only Austin will you find dilapidated shacks in the middle of the ghetto with an atmosphere like that. People just yelling and partying and those sick-hot texas women in cute dresses. It was something else.
the music even seemed, dare i say it, good.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
should be sleeping but....
I got super creative. been up recording one of the strongest songs Ive written in some time. The morning might bring a different point of view but right now I think its pretty damn fantastic.
definitely the highlight of the weekend.
Went out with my internet marketing friend Mike last night. I rode in his $130,000 Aston Martin. The idea of a car being that expensive is something I can't quite grasp. I don't know if I could even pull it out of the garage without worrying about it.
It was a social experiment that completely fascinated me though. Total stranger's responses were beyond surreal. Women in cars beside him would wink at him (even with another guy sitting beside them). The only way I could describe it would be instant "fuck me" eyes. People would basically stop what they were doing and point or yell out "nice car".
One guy pulled up beside us and rolled down his window just to say hi. You could feel the attention this car generated everywhere we went and it was weird. Mike said he's used to it by now but at first he was very self conscious in it. I wouldn't have understood what he meant until last night.
We pulled up to one of the new fancy bars downtown and parked in front of the door where the line started. Talk about feeling eyes on you. Mike slipped the dude some cash and we skipped the lines. I did my best Robin Leach impression as we were walking up the stairs but I don't think he got it.
He did give me some good ideas for marketing my new dot com skills that I think I am going to try out. I think Ill just stick with a VW Passat though. =)
definitely the highlight of the weekend.
Went out with my internet marketing friend Mike last night. I rode in his $130,000 Aston Martin. The idea of a car being that expensive is something I can't quite grasp. I don't know if I could even pull it out of the garage without worrying about it.
It was a social experiment that completely fascinated me though. Total stranger's responses were beyond surreal. Women in cars beside him would wink at him (even with another guy sitting beside them). The only way I could describe it would be instant "fuck me" eyes. People would basically stop what they were doing and point or yell out "nice car".
One guy pulled up beside us and rolled down his window just to say hi. You could feel the attention this car generated everywhere we went and it was weird. Mike said he's used to it by now but at first he was very self conscious in it. I wouldn't have understood what he meant until last night.
We pulled up to one of the new fancy bars downtown and parked in front of the door where the line started. Talk about feeling eyes on you. Mike slipped the dude some cash and we skipped the lines. I did my best Robin Leach impression as we were walking up the stairs but I don't think he got it.
He did give me some good ideas for marketing my new dot com skills that I think I am going to try out. I think Ill just stick with a VW Passat though. =)
Friday, June 20, 2008
There is no question now...
"The Hallowell Center identifies the following indicators to consider when ADHD is suspected and recommends that individuals with at least twelve of the following behaviours since childhood—provided these symptoms are not associated with any other medical or psychiatric conditions—consider professional diagnosis[12]:
1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
2. Difficulty getting organized.
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
6. A frequent search for high stimulation.
7. An intolerance of boredom.
8. Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
10. Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure.
11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
13. Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered.
14. A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers.
15. A sense of insecurity.
16. Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
17. Physical or cognitive restlessness.
18. A tendency toward addictive behavior.
19. Chronic problems with self-esteem.
20. Inaccurate self-observation.
21. Family history of AD/HD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood."
Jeeze the bulk of this list is like a kick to the crotch. eerily identifiable. I notice I don't have the impulsivity problems but nearly everything else is dead on and I have experienced them since childhood.
1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
2. Difficulty getting organized.
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
6. A frequent search for high stimulation.
7. An intolerance of boredom.
8. Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
10. Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure.
11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
13. Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered.
14. A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers.
15. A sense of insecurity.
16. Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
17. Physical or cognitive restlessness.
18. A tendency toward addictive behavior.
19. Chronic problems with self-esteem.
20. Inaccurate self-observation.
21. Family history of AD/HD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood."
Jeeze the bulk of this list is like a kick to the crotch. eerily identifiable. I notice I don't have the impulsivity problems but nearly everything else is dead on and I have experienced them since childhood.
awesome internet stuff
the following sites rock balls
Digg
PopUrl
Digg is a cool site where people flag articles of interest all throughout the internet and the highest flagged stuff gets shown. So basically its a quick look at the latest goings on (not just what the media is calling news, but rather what people are interested in.)
PopUrl is a one stop site for every online source of info you could imagine.
Both sites are also cool for my job because I learn what headlines people are reading the most etc. A marketers dream.
Digg
PopUrl
Digg is a cool site where people flag articles of interest all throughout the internet and the highest flagged stuff gets shown. So basically its a quick look at the latest goings on (not just what the media is calling news, but rather what people are interested in.)
PopUrl is a one stop site for every online source of info you could imagine.
Both sites are also cool for my job because I learn what headlines people are reading the most etc. A marketers dream.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
....continued
So I'm thinking the best way to handle AD/HD (outside of medication) is to break my life into categories. Then I need to dedicate my time to each category, even setting up specific days of the month where I put all my focus into that one aspect. There will be no debating it, procrastinating, or creating some lame excuse. its simply something I MUST do. Otherwise everything starts to crumble.
For simplicity maybe it can be something as simple as this...
Health
Passion
Career
Finances
Relationships
Chores
-Obviously health is the most important so it should be focused on first. This could entail eating right, excercise, preventative things, doctor visits etc. EX: a couple months ago I finally got a checkup after literally 8 years without ever going to the doctor. Stupid. But I'm healthy other than a slightly high blood sugar level. And I got loaded the night before I had the bloodwork done so there was probably some yeagermeister in the test tube. =)
In my experience, my cloudiness is much much worse when I am not eating right. I am certain that this disorder has a lot to do with diet.
-Passion being hobbies, having fun, experiences that fuel your spirit and make life worth living etc. I know there is some crossover with other categories so this might all change later.
This is probably the thing I focus on the most in my life. My music comes to mind. Listening to good music, good films, good books, connection with the world around you, travel, the things that we are alive for in the first place. I would assume that a big part of your life should be spent on this category. Maybe this could be called Passion & Leisure to cover sleeping in late, watching the simpsons etc.
-Career and Finances should be separate. I believe if you are working simply to make money the rest of these categories will diminish. I did that for 2 years and wrote about it in Feb. on this blog. Bad things.
I currently have a job I actually enjoy. Its directly related to the business I want to go into later so every day I come to work I am learning skills that will directly relate to my future. Its like I'm getting paid to go to school for myself. Pretty sweet.
-Finances Now we start getting into my problem areas. Balanced budget? What the hell is that? Saving for my future? Huh? Investments? WHaaaaa? Forgot to pay the phone bill for 3 months. Check.
Relationships - I also focus a lot on this category. I am fiercely dedicated to my friends and take active steps to keep in contact and frequently try to express to them how important they are in my life. I don't have a lot of good ones but the ones I have are fantastic. My family is also pretty spiffy, albeit atypical. (what is typical?)
My life is primarily acquaintances. People to go out with or talk business. I don't mind really.
Now dating is a different story. I have a fair amount of female friends, some have been previous romantic interests others not, but sex usually causes that aspect to get convoluted so I don't know how close I am to any women at this time. I am happy to say most women I have dated don't hate me. I am up front about my commitment issues and after a cooling off period we have a decent friendship.
Long term relationship stuff is a WHOLE topic in itself. Basically I suck at it.
- Chores Lets group this with all those things like cleaning your apt, car, self, paying bills, going to the grocery store, running errands etc. I am the absolute worst at this kind of thing. I never cook, I hate shopping, fixing broken things, or changing my oil. This is obviously the part that needs the most work.
The funny thing about all this is that I know that by not focusing on one aspect enough, my life starts to feel hectic and overwhelming. Focusing too much on one category leaves me feeling unbalanced and starts adversely affecting the other ones.
So basically I need to stop focusing so much on fun and fucking open my stack of mail for a change.
Now I will go to work on systems to improve each of these aspects of my life. A life lived with the attention span of a guppie. Actually now I go back to WORK. Shhh.
For simplicity maybe it can be something as simple as this...
Health
Passion
Career
Finances
Relationships
Chores
-Obviously health is the most important so it should be focused on first. This could entail eating right, excercise, preventative things, doctor visits etc. EX: a couple months ago I finally got a checkup after literally 8 years without ever going to the doctor. Stupid. But I'm healthy other than a slightly high blood sugar level. And I got loaded the night before I had the bloodwork done so there was probably some yeagermeister in the test tube. =)
In my experience, my cloudiness is much much worse when I am not eating right. I am certain that this disorder has a lot to do with diet.
-Passion being hobbies, having fun, experiences that fuel your spirit and make life worth living etc. I know there is some crossover with other categories so this might all change later.
This is probably the thing I focus on the most in my life. My music comes to mind. Listening to good music, good films, good books, connection with the world around you, travel, the things that we are alive for in the first place. I would assume that a big part of your life should be spent on this category. Maybe this could be called Passion & Leisure to cover sleeping in late, watching the simpsons etc.
-Career and Finances should be separate. I believe if you are working simply to make money the rest of these categories will diminish. I did that for 2 years and wrote about it in Feb. on this blog. Bad things.
I currently have a job I actually enjoy. Its directly related to the business I want to go into later so every day I come to work I am learning skills that will directly relate to my future. Its like I'm getting paid to go to school for myself. Pretty sweet.
-Finances Now we start getting into my problem areas. Balanced budget? What the hell is that? Saving for my future? Huh? Investments? WHaaaaa? Forgot to pay the phone bill for 3 months. Check.
Relationships - I also focus a lot on this category. I am fiercely dedicated to my friends and take active steps to keep in contact and frequently try to express to them how important they are in my life. I don't have a lot of good ones but the ones I have are fantastic. My family is also pretty spiffy, albeit atypical. (what is typical?)
My life is primarily acquaintances. People to go out with or talk business. I don't mind really.
Now dating is a different story. I have a fair amount of female friends, some have been previous romantic interests others not, but sex usually causes that aspect to get convoluted so I don't know how close I am to any women at this time. I am happy to say most women I have dated don't hate me. I am up front about my commitment issues and after a cooling off period we have a decent friendship.
Long term relationship stuff is a WHOLE topic in itself. Basically I suck at it.
- Chores Lets group this with all those things like cleaning your apt, car, self, paying bills, going to the grocery store, running errands etc. I am the absolute worst at this kind of thing. I never cook, I hate shopping, fixing broken things, or changing my oil. This is obviously the part that needs the most work.
The funny thing about all this is that I know that by not focusing on one aspect enough, my life starts to feel hectic and overwhelming. Focusing too much on one category leaves me feeling unbalanced and starts adversely affecting the other ones.
So basically I need to stop focusing so much on fun and fucking open my stack of mail for a change.
Now I will go to work on systems to improve each of these aspects of my life. A life lived with the attention span of a guppie. Actually now I go back to WORK. Shhh.
The Elephant in the Room
Cant sleep. Vivid dreams are waking me up. These lead to thoughts which pretty much seal the deal for going back to sleep. I then lay awake, my head racing with the minutia of my life overwhelming me.
I have to face it. I have AD/HD or some incarnation of it.
I've had it my whole life. The people who know me can attest to that (I hear a collective "DUH"). As a child I was a ball of energy literally bouncing off the walls. My thoughts were everywhere. I would freak out sometimes for no reason. Embarrassing stuff I cant really explain. I wasn't much into school though I feel I was pretty smart for a little kid. Bad test taker though. On second thought I actually hated school for the majority of my life.
I will begin this by saying that I refuse to create an excuse for outcomes in my life. I know I am wholly responsible for this present moment and what has lead me here. But I am nearly certain that some of my experiences and patterns of behavior are directly related to my wiring.
If I think about it globally and scan certain elements of my life it is ridiculously clear that I have this disorder. Ive been researching it since I woke up and a lot of the resources available are about AD/HD in children but there are a few for adults living with it.
It makes sense. My inability to complete projects, disorganization, an almost allergic reaction to the mundane, lack of sound financial responsibility, restlessness, failed relationships (or letting them even begin), I could go on.
I often have so much shit going on in my head that it sort of paralyzes me from taking action. And the lack of order in my life caused by this stagnation creates more disorder in my head which leads to a downward vicious spiral. And fixing all that is a pretty boring process so my desire for change is clipped by my disgust with uninteresting WORK.
Its not that I'm lazy. Its just that when something feels like WORK to me, I literally have a part of my focus that I have to grasp for. Its a battle. Its like wrestling that hyper active 4-year-old to the ground and making him do something he refuses to do, except this time you understand why its in your best interest.
And then I start creating these scenarios of possible outcomes. Like a bunch of pop up windows that you cant control, things start popping up in the way of the path of my desired outcome. I have to close them out quickly and not focus on them or else I'm stuck again. Sometimes Ill even forget what I'm doing. I lose things around the house, I walk into my kitchen with the sink running which I turned on an hour ago and had walked away from. Neatly folded piles of clothes in random places. Once I found the remote in my refrigerator.
It might also explain why Ive never had a clear goal for anything in my life. Im supposed to have clearly definable goals. Seems simple. I try. I just cant picture final outcomes easily. Yes I have goals but they are all short term and seem to not really have much of an overreaching purpose. Everything interests me. I'm too distracted to set concrete goals and understand why I want them. I'm like a damn goldfish.
The problem is this disorder is clouded with controversy. Bad parents medicating their kids for no reason, people using it as an excuse for failure, or some other shortcoming. It's actually a fairly humorous subject for most. It was for me even. I joke about it all the time. I have ADD etc etc. HaHaHa.
Well fuck man, I do. And if I don't start working towards a way to get a hold of it, its going to get me. It goes all the way down to my relationships, my finances, my very HEALTH and vitality.
I'm still wrapping my head around this and will surely be waxing on about it ad nauseum. I need to research this more. But god is it boring reading. ;)
I have to face it. I have AD/HD or some incarnation of it.
I've had it my whole life. The people who know me can attest to that (I hear a collective "DUH"). As a child I was a ball of energy literally bouncing off the walls. My thoughts were everywhere. I would freak out sometimes for no reason. Embarrassing stuff I cant really explain. I wasn't much into school though I feel I was pretty smart for a little kid. Bad test taker though. On second thought I actually hated school for the majority of my life.
I will begin this by saying that I refuse to create an excuse for outcomes in my life. I know I am wholly responsible for this present moment and what has lead me here. But I am nearly certain that some of my experiences and patterns of behavior are directly related to my wiring.
If I think about it globally and scan certain elements of my life it is ridiculously clear that I have this disorder. Ive been researching it since I woke up and a lot of the resources available are about AD/HD in children but there are a few for adults living with it.
It makes sense. My inability to complete projects, disorganization, an almost allergic reaction to the mundane, lack of sound financial responsibility, restlessness, failed relationships (or letting them even begin), I could go on.
I often have so much shit going on in my head that it sort of paralyzes me from taking action. And the lack of order in my life caused by this stagnation creates more disorder in my head which leads to a downward vicious spiral. And fixing all that is a pretty boring process so my desire for change is clipped by my disgust with uninteresting WORK.
Its not that I'm lazy. Its just that when something feels like WORK to me, I literally have a part of my focus that I have to grasp for. Its a battle. Its like wrestling that hyper active 4-year-old to the ground and making him do something he refuses to do, except this time you understand why its in your best interest.
And then I start creating these scenarios of possible outcomes. Like a bunch of pop up windows that you cant control, things start popping up in the way of the path of my desired outcome. I have to close them out quickly and not focus on them or else I'm stuck again. Sometimes Ill even forget what I'm doing. I lose things around the house, I walk into my kitchen with the sink running which I turned on an hour ago and had walked away from. Neatly folded piles of clothes in random places. Once I found the remote in my refrigerator.
It might also explain why Ive never had a clear goal for anything in my life. Im supposed to have clearly definable goals. Seems simple. I try. I just cant picture final outcomes easily. Yes I have goals but they are all short term and seem to not really have much of an overreaching purpose. Everything interests me. I'm too distracted to set concrete goals and understand why I want them. I'm like a damn goldfish.
The problem is this disorder is clouded with controversy. Bad parents medicating their kids for no reason, people using it as an excuse for failure, or some other shortcoming. It's actually a fairly humorous subject for most. It was for me even. I joke about it all the time. I have ADD etc etc. HaHaHa.
Well fuck man, I do. And if I don't start working towards a way to get a hold of it, its going to get me. It goes all the way down to my relationships, my finances, my very HEALTH and vitality.
I'm still wrapping my head around this and will surely be waxing on about it ad nauseum. I need to research this more. But god is it boring reading. ;)
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
The American Dream - On Life Support
click here because it says everything I feel like talking about today.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
about to start recording
so Daniel and I met with Daniel (another one) from Oh No! Oh My! last night to talk about beginning the recording process.
His house is just a big place to store musical equipment, its amazing. They have songs on commercials, behind Steve Jobs when he gave the apple keynote speech in 2007, etc etc etc so its amazing to see a 22 year old guy with no day job. They make enough money as a band to live on and its pretty inspiring.
They are not signed to a label so all that money is theirs to keep. I joke with the guys that a label is so 1996, but its more than just funny. Today's technology allows bands to do everything themselves. I'm sure there are perks to having a major label but it is no longer a necessity. This is seriously a BRAND NEW development in the music industry. Yes folks like Ani Defranco have been doing it for years but it is no longer a feat of near-impossibility. Its growing more commonplace every day and is scaring the shit out of record labels. We're talking a paradigm shift involving massive layoffs and such.
Still do yourselves a favor and DO NOT turn on the radio.
So we're going to be working with Daniel to get 5 songs knocked out as professionally as we can. The big show on the 27th will give him an idea of our sound and I guess we will go from there. I have no clue what to expect. All I know is, the process will either excite or depress the hell out of me. I want the end result to ROCK.
His house is just a big place to store musical equipment, its amazing. They have songs on commercials, behind Steve Jobs when he gave the apple keynote speech in 2007, etc etc etc so its amazing to see a 22 year old guy with no day job. They make enough money as a band to live on and its pretty inspiring.
They are not signed to a label so all that money is theirs to keep. I joke with the guys that a label is so 1996, but its more than just funny. Today's technology allows bands to do everything themselves. I'm sure there are perks to having a major label but it is no longer a necessity. This is seriously a BRAND NEW development in the music industry. Yes folks like Ani Defranco have been doing it for years but it is no longer a feat of near-impossibility. Its growing more commonplace every day and is scaring the shit out of record labels. We're talking a paradigm shift involving massive layoffs and such.
Still do yourselves a favor and DO NOT turn on the radio.
So we're going to be working with Daniel to get 5 songs knocked out as professionally as we can. The big show on the 27th will give him an idea of our sound and I guess we will go from there. I have no clue what to expect. All I know is, the process will either excite or depress the hell out of me. I want the end result to ROCK.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Bono and his scrubbing bubbles
i spend most of my time feeling very uncreative. I just realized I've gone awhile without picking up the guitar or writing anything at all. My job has a level of creativity to it, but its more writing to sell an idea or product rather than move someone emotionally.
I guess half of who I am is whoring myself out to make someone else money. Oh well, I have no one to answer to but myself. I really don't feel very guilty about it. We're all whores in some fashion as vulgar as it may sound.
But when I think about myself as an artist I always think I must be some sort of poseur because I'm in that place so rarely. Even performing loses its edge when you play the song over and over or your mind is on the sound guy botching things up, or you're a bit nervous or some other thing unrelated to the essence of what the song is about.
That would mean that only rarely do things come into alignment, I'm out of my head and flowing along with the music. Am I only an artist a fraction of the time?
I think about my favorite artists. They cant possibly be in the zone all the time, can they? I wonder what the ratio is? I wonder if, like me, they can actually (literally) forget that aspect of themselves from time to time.
I know that the myth of the artist is very important to a fan. You want to believe they exist on a higher plane than you. They are tapped into things and take great pain to expose their nerves to the emotions barraging us day in and day out. They suffer epically but later have some nugget to show for it. Some little piece that reminds you that we're all human experiencing similar things. And we hold them so highly for being able to create it.
It's not fun to picture them cleaning the bathroom. Or doing their taxes. Or all the other things that make up the bulk of our day; the hum-drum minutia that is the exact opposite of inspiration.
Thats what gets to me. I am inspired rarely and I start to question if its because I am just not cut out for a life of creativity. Of course when it does hit, it hits hard and I have made some things that I can't quite explain but I am very proud of. But is it enough to try to make a career out of? I'm going to take a nap and forget about it for now.
I guess half of who I am is whoring myself out to make someone else money. Oh well, I have no one to answer to but myself. I really don't feel very guilty about it. We're all whores in some fashion as vulgar as it may sound.
But when I think about myself as an artist I always think I must be some sort of poseur because I'm in that place so rarely. Even performing loses its edge when you play the song over and over or your mind is on the sound guy botching things up, or you're a bit nervous or some other thing unrelated to the essence of what the song is about.
That would mean that only rarely do things come into alignment, I'm out of my head and flowing along with the music. Am I only an artist a fraction of the time?
I think about my favorite artists. They cant possibly be in the zone all the time, can they? I wonder what the ratio is? I wonder if, like me, they can actually (literally) forget that aspect of themselves from time to time.
I know that the myth of the artist is very important to a fan. You want to believe they exist on a higher plane than you. They are tapped into things and take great pain to expose their nerves to the emotions barraging us day in and day out. They suffer epically but later have some nugget to show for it. Some little piece that reminds you that we're all human experiencing similar things. And we hold them so highly for being able to create it.
It's not fun to picture them cleaning the bathroom. Or doing their taxes. Or all the other things that make up the bulk of our day; the hum-drum minutia that is the exact opposite of inspiration.
Thats what gets to me. I am inspired rarely and I start to question if its because I am just not cut out for a life of creativity. Of course when it does hit, it hits hard and I have made some things that I can't quite explain but I am very proud of. But is it enough to try to make a career out of? I'm going to take a nap and forget about it for now.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Poor Guy
So I went out last night with some people to catch a show at Emos. I got to see the stage and place we would be playing. Pretty cool. After that I met Natalie for a drink.
We were coming out of the bar around 2:15 and this guy approaches us. Young dude. Flashy. On the phone. Hes asking us directions to another bar. We don't know but we're chatting with him a bit and he suddenly lets us know he has to piss. We tell him, "go in that alley right there."
He hands us the phone to tell some people something and runs off. We were just left standing there with a strangers phone. The person on the other end of the line decides to hang up. I suddenly get the brilliant idea to call a chick in his phone and say something completely ridiculous. So I start scrolling through his list of names. Aimee. Looks good, lets talk sexy to her.
Voicemail. Dammit. I was just about to leave a message when I look up and the poor guy is standing in the alley with a bicycle cop shining a flashlight on him. He got busted pissing. So Natalie and I are standing there wondering what the hell to do because we have this guys phone.
Finally after a few minutes of thinking what we should do, set it on the ground?, go hand it to him? we decide to give it back to him. Natalie politely interrupts the cop to give the guy his phone back. We then proceed to laugh our asses off the whole way back to the car. Not at him of course. Just about the situation. =)
Still I kinda feel bad for the guy. Sometimes you just gotta piss. I have no clue what kind of punishment that warrants.
We were coming out of the bar around 2:15 and this guy approaches us. Young dude. Flashy. On the phone. Hes asking us directions to another bar. We don't know but we're chatting with him a bit and he suddenly lets us know he has to piss. We tell him, "go in that alley right there."
He hands us the phone to tell some people something and runs off. We were just left standing there with a strangers phone. The person on the other end of the line decides to hang up. I suddenly get the brilliant idea to call a chick in his phone and say something completely ridiculous. So I start scrolling through his list of names. Aimee. Looks good, lets talk sexy to her.
Voicemail. Dammit. I was just about to leave a message when I look up and the poor guy is standing in the alley with a bicycle cop shining a flashlight on him. He got busted pissing. So Natalie and I are standing there wondering what the hell to do because we have this guys phone.
Finally after a few minutes of thinking what we should do, set it on the ground?, go hand it to him? we decide to give it back to him. Natalie politely interrupts the cop to give the guy his phone back. We then proceed to laugh our asses off the whole way back to the car. Not at him of course. Just about the situation. =)
Still I kinda feel bad for the guy. Sometimes you just gotta piss. I have no clue what kind of punishment that warrants.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
interesting study
So I forked over $150 to get the monthly investment newsletter "The Motley Fool". I figured if I learn about some good investments and make money with the knowledge, the 150 was well worth it.
Anyway I thought I would post the introduction to this months newsletter. Im sure its illegal but its just the intro (no stocks mentioned) and I found it interesting.
Beginning Now....
"Sometimes, the difference between success and failure comes down to a single marshmallow. No, really. In 1968, Stanford researcher Michael Mischel began a study that found success throughout a lifetime comes down to a marshmallow.
Mischel's study gave 4-year-olds a simple choice: one marshmallow immediately, or two if they could wait 20 minutes. One-third of the kids opted for instant gratification. Another third intended to wait but succumbed to temptation along the way. Only an elite third tempered their impulses long enough to get the additional marshmallow.
The study doesn't end there. Mischel tracked these kids for decades. Those able to wait for the larger reward ended up more successful by essentially all measures: happier marriages, better health, higher incomes (in school, they scored 210 points higher than the average SAT marks), and greater career satisfaction.
Meanwhile, the impulsive group wound up as feared: in unsuccessful marriages with worse health, a reduced sense of fulfillment, and lower income. They also were more likely to watch -- or appear on -- The Jerry Springer Show. (OK, I made that last one up.)"
##
Anyway I thought I would post the introduction to this months newsletter. Im sure its illegal but its just the intro (no stocks mentioned) and I found it interesting.
Beginning Now....
"Sometimes, the difference between success and failure comes down to a single marshmallow. No, really. In 1968, Stanford researcher Michael Mischel began a study that found success throughout a lifetime comes down to a marshmallow.
Mischel's study gave 4-year-olds a simple choice: one marshmallow immediately, or two if they could wait 20 minutes. One-third of the kids opted for instant gratification. Another third intended to wait but succumbed to temptation along the way. Only an elite third tempered their impulses long enough to get the additional marshmallow.
The study doesn't end there. Mischel tracked these kids for decades. Those able to wait for the larger reward ended up more successful by essentially all measures: happier marriages, better health, higher incomes (in school, they scored 210 points higher than the average SAT marks), and greater career satisfaction.
Meanwhile, the impulsive group wound up as feared: in unsuccessful marriages with worse health, a reduced sense of fulfillment, and lower income. They also were more likely to watch -- or appear on -- The Jerry Springer Show. (OK, I made that last one up.)"
##
Monday, June 9, 2008
feel the routine looming
So the last few months have been a rollercoaster. The dust is starting to settle a bit and I can feel the initial stages of routine setting in. Work, come home, get chick-fil-a, watch simpsons, dick around on the computer, watch seinfeld, fall asleep.
Its always amazing to me how easily I can start to fall into a rut. I see it looming and I'm not going to let it happen. Ruts cause too many negative things for me.
1. boredom and restlessness
2. taking important things for granted
3. feeling sorry for myself
I saw the most stunning woman in the world walking her dog by my apartment today. I was in my car and really couldn't figure out a way to approach without looking psycho. The desire wasn't very strong anyway. I'm getting comfortable with my routine. bad me.
It's these kinds of moments that I face that teeter-totter between my comfort zone and potential, that I think about often. As I get older I start to see that a comfort zone can be one of the most dangerous things we can face in a leisure society like America. I don't fear bombs outside my door. I will never know that kind of life. I cant relate emotionally. So I grow fat (metaphorically) and numb. This might sum up the bulk of middle class USA.
It takes a true effort to break that cycle. And its so easy to fall into.
I am very lucky that I am afforded a life of pure introspection, free from distraction like hunger or real pain (at least comparatively speaking). Being single and living alone I probably find more time than most for it. I probably overthink things. (no shit man). Still thats how I roll and its in my DNA.
So this long ass rant is a sort of mantra to myself and the few people who know of this blog to fight the rut with everything I have. As easy as it is to be too tired after work, as weird as it would feel to break out and do something uncharacteristic of me I have to push through it. There is too much out there. Worlds of experiences, friendships, romance, adventure waiting around corners you just have to stick your head around to see. They can be simple things. I don't have to rescue the princess or open the arc of the covenant. I just want to live fully.
This fear of boredom, this desire for more...it comes back to one of my biggest realizations.
From the second i was born my cells began deteriorating. I just don't have enough life in me to do all the things I want to do.
Now lets get a hooker and some blow.
Its always amazing to me how easily I can start to fall into a rut. I see it looming and I'm not going to let it happen. Ruts cause too many negative things for me.
1. boredom and restlessness
2. taking important things for granted
3. feeling sorry for myself
I saw the most stunning woman in the world walking her dog by my apartment today. I was in my car and really couldn't figure out a way to approach without looking psycho. The desire wasn't very strong anyway. I'm getting comfortable with my routine. bad me.
It's these kinds of moments that I face that teeter-totter between my comfort zone and potential, that I think about often. As I get older I start to see that a comfort zone can be one of the most dangerous things we can face in a leisure society like America. I don't fear bombs outside my door. I will never know that kind of life. I cant relate emotionally. So I grow fat (metaphorically) and numb. This might sum up the bulk of middle class USA.
It takes a true effort to break that cycle. And its so easy to fall into.
I am very lucky that I am afforded a life of pure introspection, free from distraction like hunger or real pain (at least comparatively speaking). Being single and living alone I probably find more time than most for it. I probably overthink things. (no shit man). Still thats how I roll and its in my DNA.
So this long ass rant is a sort of mantra to myself and the few people who know of this blog to fight the rut with everything I have. As easy as it is to be too tired after work, as weird as it would feel to break out and do something uncharacteristic of me I have to push through it. There is too much out there. Worlds of experiences, friendships, romance, adventure waiting around corners you just have to stick your head around to see. They can be simple things. I don't have to rescue the princess or open the arc of the covenant. I just want to live fully.
This fear of boredom, this desire for more...it comes back to one of my biggest realizations.
From the second i was born my cells began deteriorating. I just don't have enough life in me to do all the things I want to do.
Now lets get a hooker and some blow.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
bullshit
So last nights show was a load of horseshit.
The bill was overbooked and our set got cut short for a one man acoustic act. Lets think about that for a second....
3 of our best songs with saxophones, dance rythms, keyboards and just all around rock your face off were cut short for a one man boring acoustic set. Simply to keep things moving. TOTAL UNPROFESSIONAL VENUE.
The sound man forced us to start early and at one point spoke to us through our monitors telling us to tell everyone to buy drinks.
We pulled maddy up to play our new 3 vocal song and the owner called out something about her being hot and to make her part of the band because that would make us more popular or something. Hes a drunken asshole. I hear he was the one telling the sound guy to tell us to tell people to buy drinks. He disrespected her. We used to love that venue but lost a lot of it last night.
Basically we were treated as a cheap jukebox with total disregard for the set.
Overall we sounded good and the great thing was once we were kicked off, everyone went outside.
It was possibly our worst experience so far. None of us want to play the venue again. We were treated like ass and it sucks.
The bill was overbooked and our set got cut short for a one man acoustic act. Lets think about that for a second....
3 of our best songs with saxophones, dance rythms, keyboards and just all around rock your face off were cut short for a one man boring acoustic set. Simply to keep things moving. TOTAL UNPROFESSIONAL VENUE.
The sound man forced us to start early and at one point spoke to us through our monitors telling us to tell everyone to buy drinks.
We pulled maddy up to play our new 3 vocal song and the owner called out something about her being hot and to make her part of the band because that would make us more popular or something. Hes a drunken asshole. I hear he was the one telling the sound guy to tell us to tell people to buy drinks. He disrespected her. We used to love that venue but lost a lot of it last night.
Basically we were treated as a cheap jukebox with total disregard for the set.
Overall we sounded good and the great thing was once we were kicked off, everyone went outside.
It was possibly our worst experience so far. None of us want to play the venue again. We were treated like ass and it sucks.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
realization
What if somehow events culminated into a once in a lifetime experience, a unique relationship that unfolded through the mystery of circumstance and uncommon chemistry?
What if you, being a dynamic being, were not mature enough at the time to handle certain human flaws of the experience. Concerns that one day you would literally shake your head at.
Yet these flaws ruined it for you. So much you arent sure if they were the catalyst for the whole thing falling to pieces.
I guess I would have to chalk it up as fate directing you elsewhere. That is if I believe in that kind of thing.
Regardless of any reasonable answer its heartbreaking and scary. There are certain things you just know you will never have again. So you do what you have to do. Be a man about it, take something valuable from it and move the fuck on.
What if you, being a dynamic being, were not mature enough at the time to handle certain human flaws of the experience. Concerns that one day you would literally shake your head at.
Yet these flaws ruined it for you. So much you arent sure if they were the catalyst for the whole thing falling to pieces.
I guess I would have to chalk it up as fate directing you elsewhere. That is if I believe in that kind of thing.
Regardless of any reasonable answer its heartbreaking and scary. There are certain things you just know you will never have again. So you do what you have to do. Be a man about it, take something valuable from it and move the fuck on.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Sucky Friday
So it rained for the first time in weeks. The roads were slick.
I was coming to a stop off the access road and when I put my breaks on, my car just kept on going and I slid into the back of a pathfinder.
my hood is all jacked up. The passenger inside was 7 months pregnant. She claims her back hurts. The ambulance came. My headlight wont turn on.
Today sucks.
It could be worse. I wasn't going very fast. We could both drive away from the scene. I don't think the lady is hurt badly and they are taking her in to simply make sure. My insurance was up-to-date (thank god) so now it comes down to a matter of money. Money for the court costs, money to get my car fixed. Money I don't really have right now. I'm getting a headache.
-update-
Got the call from Geico. Fast service! They didn't treat me like a criminal either.
I've been thinking the interesting thing about the experience was the two women in the pathfinder. They both didn't speak great English so there wasn't much dialogue but they were very upset. The driver made me call 911 which was no problem. The pregnant passenger was crying in the car the whole time. I understand being pregnant is a concern but the accident was pretty minor.
Yet they both had such a lame-ass victim like attitude as if this was a huge tragedy. I was very calm and would have liked to have reassured them things were fine but frankly they annoyed the hell out of me. The stretcher and neck brace and all that jazz felt completely unnecessary, the pregnant woman was doe eyed and unresponsive and the driver was wringing her hands constantly. Maybe i've been in enough accidents so I am used to the surreal feeling of it, but I found them ridiculous.
Maybe I'm an asshole.
I was coming to a stop off the access road and when I put my breaks on, my car just kept on going and I slid into the back of a pathfinder.
my hood is all jacked up. The passenger inside was 7 months pregnant. She claims her back hurts. The ambulance came. My headlight wont turn on.
Today sucks.
It could be worse. I wasn't going very fast. We could both drive away from the scene. I don't think the lady is hurt badly and they are taking her in to simply make sure. My insurance was up-to-date (thank god) so now it comes down to a matter of money. Money for the court costs, money to get my car fixed. Money I don't really have right now. I'm getting a headache.
-update-
Got the call from Geico. Fast service! They didn't treat me like a criminal either.
I've been thinking the interesting thing about the experience was the two women in the pathfinder. They both didn't speak great English so there wasn't much dialogue but they were very upset. The driver made me call 911 which was no problem. The pregnant passenger was crying in the car the whole time. I understand being pregnant is a concern but the accident was pretty minor.
Yet they both had such a lame-ass victim like attitude as if this was a huge tragedy. I was very calm and would have liked to have reassured them things were fine but frankly they annoyed the hell out of me. The stretcher and neck brace and all that jazz felt completely unnecessary, the pregnant woman was doe eyed and unresponsive and the driver was wringing her hands constantly. Maybe i've been in enough accidents so I am used to the surreal feeling of it, but I found them ridiculous.
Maybe I'm an asshole.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Epic Dream
I had this very long and detailed dream that was going when my alarm went off. I hit snooze and even continued the dream a little while.
The dream even had a back story which is crazy how your brain can come up with this kind of thing. I think maybe it was just very long and the beginning parts are hazy which make it feel like a back story. Anway
So in the past I had gone on some adventure (indiana jones style) and found some sacred artifact. When I took it from wherever I found it, it opened up a portal where a bunch of zombies began roaming the area near the artifact and spreading out into the world. I recall a long battle killing hundreds of zombies. Not silly "Thriller" style zombies but more like "28 days later" style zombies. Fast moving, loud, freaky ass zombies who try to kick your door down.
Well somehow I survived and the dream kinda starts where I am hanging out with this fellow adventurer (with glowing red eyes) and he has a new quest for us. I think twice about joining him and return to my home. Could have been his glowing red eyes.
So I'm home and I know that this guy is off looking for this new artifact. I know that as soon as he finds it zombies are going to start roaming the earth again.
My mom is in this dream and I'm telling her that we need to prepare for this upcoming almost armageddon style attack of zombies. For some reason I understand that the first battle was a prelude to the hell on earth situation that was coming.
We start boarding up our house (a replica of the house in channelview) and I'm running around like crazy trying to buy a 12 guage and some ammunition. I see over the horizon a big black fog creeping into the sky. The portal is open and its only a matter of time before they reach the city.
My grandpa is there. I'm telling him that we need to get ready. No one else in the dream really cares about this upcoming war except me. Mom is pretty lethargic about it too. They are concerned but not hysterical like me. I'm telling them we need to work in shifts. Some people upstairs and some people downstairs. We need to coordinate our sleeping schedules. Its like I was preparing for weeks of fighting.
The dream then turns into one of those dreams where you cant get things done in time. Like when I'm running to class but I cant find the classroom. This time I cant find the Academy store with the weapons I need. I'm forgetting things I need to do. The fog is spreading and the zombies are coming I know it.
Then I wake up and thats pretty much it. I never experience the actual war. The most prominent aspect of the dream was the preparedness issue. I couldn't get ready fast enough. I'm sure it means something. Another thing was even though this was a shit yourself kind of experience, I wasn't really terrified. I was scared but bold and ready for those undead bastards. But trying to turn my house into a fortress was frustrating and nerve wracking.
Pretty cool dream.
The dream even had a back story which is crazy how your brain can come up with this kind of thing. I think maybe it was just very long and the beginning parts are hazy which make it feel like a back story. Anway
So in the past I had gone on some adventure (indiana jones style) and found some sacred artifact. When I took it from wherever I found it, it opened up a portal where a bunch of zombies began roaming the area near the artifact and spreading out into the world. I recall a long battle killing hundreds of zombies. Not silly "Thriller" style zombies but more like "28 days later" style zombies. Fast moving, loud, freaky ass zombies who try to kick your door down.
Well somehow I survived and the dream kinda starts where I am hanging out with this fellow adventurer (with glowing red eyes) and he has a new quest for us. I think twice about joining him and return to my home. Could have been his glowing red eyes.
So I'm home and I know that this guy is off looking for this new artifact. I know that as soon as he finds it zombies are going to start roaming the earth again.
My mom is in this dream and I'm telling her that we need to prepare for this upcoming almost armageddon style attack of zombies. For some reason I understand that the first battle was a prelude to the hell on earth situation that was coming.
We start boarding up our house (a replica of the house in channelview) and I'm running around like crazy trying to buy a 12 guage and some ammunition. I see over the horizon a big black fog creeping into the sky. The portal is open and its only a matter of time before they reach the city.
My grandpa is there. I'm telling him that we need to get ready. No one else in the dream really cares about this upcoming war except me. Mom is pretty lethargic about it too. They are concerned but not hysterical like me. I'm telling them we need to work in shifts. Some people upstairs and some people downstairs. We need to coordinate our sleeping schedules. Its like I was preparing for weeks of fighting.
The dream then turns into one of those dreams where you cant get things done in time. Like when I'm running to class but I cant find the classroom. This time I cant find the Academy store with the weapons I need. I'm forgetting things I need to do. The fog is spreading and the zombies are coming I know it.
Then I wake up and thats pretty much it. I never experience the actual war. The most prominent aspect of the dream was the preparedness issue. I couldn't get ready fast enough. I'm sure it means something. Another thing was even though this was a shit yourself kind of experience, I wasn't really terrified. I was scared but bold and ready for those undead bastards. But trying to turn my house into a fortress was frustrating and nerve wracking.
Pretty cool dream.
long band meeting
talked with the guys for over an hour. About where we see ourselves heading, musical direction, recording aspirations, and general housekeeping we had been putting off for a very long time. It felt good to know everyone's concerns were the same as mine.
We know we have something good but are fully aware of the upcoming challenges that await us. Travis' busy acting schedule, divvying up songwriting duties, handling starkly different songwriting and vocal styles, you name it. Our concern is how the world outside our friends and well-wishers are going to think.
We've seen strangers go nuts, offering us free dinners to their restaurants, signing autographs for a few people etc. but I think we've reached a point where we are ready to see what a larger scale opinion is and it makes us all very nervous because the doubt in ourselves is real.
The great thing is we all agreed that we are only getting better. each new song has elements of the band we want to become, coming into focus. Its going to happen. There are no dead ends in sight and that is the biggest thing I should remember and be happy about.
We did agree that we need to go through our material with a fine tooth comb and really make each song excellent. Dynamics, volume control, stage presence, arranging, everything was covered. Egos were stroked and then constructively criticized.
Group hug and now I am going to bed.
Show Saturday and then a BIG show the 27th at Emos. The shitty thing about high profile shows is you are more concerned than happy to have the opportunity. Nothing worth having is easy I guess. Cliche alert. but still true.
We know we have something good but are fully aware of the upcoming challenges that await us. Travis' busy acting schedule, divvying up songwriting duties, handling starkly different songwriting and vocal styles, you name it. Our concern is how the world outside our friends and well-wishers are going to think.
We've seen strangers go nuts, offering us free dinners to their restaurants, signing autographs for a few people etc. but I think we've reached a point where we are ready to see what a larger scale opinion is and it makes us all very nervous because the doubt in ourselves is real.
The great thing is we all agreed that we are only getting better. each new song has elements of the band we want to become, coming into focus. Its going to happen. There are no dead ends in sight and that is the biggest thing I should remember and be happy about.
We did agree that we need to go through our material with a fine tooth comb and really make each song excellent. Dynamics, volume control, stage presence, arranging, everything was covered. Egos were stroked and then constructively criticized.
Group hug and now I am going to bed.
Show Saturday and then a BIG show the 27th at Emos. The shitty thing about high profile shows is you are more concerned than happy to have the opportunity. Nothing worth having is easy I guess. Cliche alert. but still true.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
opportunities galore
So it looks like I am going to be seeing some more freelance work for my sales letter writing abilities in the near future. In typical fashion, I am mentioning this way before anything solidifies but I cant help but get stoked at all these great opportunities coming my way.
Of course I can always use more money, more friends, more sex, more fun, more whatever and maybe I'm just easily pleased but I'm enjoying things right now.
I used to believe when things were going good it was the sign of some sort of eventual fall but I am going to do my best to rid myself of that association. Bill Hicks said it best when he said "its just a ride". I shouldn't get too caught up in anything good or bad.
Hey I know. Gas prices suck. Now I'm back to earth. I don't get political often but I wonder how much of this is our current administrations fault.
Of course I can always use more money, more friends, more sex, more fun, more whatever and maybe I'm just easily pleased but I'm enjoying things right now.
I used to believe when things were going good it was the sign of some sort of eventual fall but I am going to do my best to rid myself of that association. Bill Hicks said it best when he said "its just a ride". I shouldn't get too caught up in anything good or bad.
Hey I know. Gas prices suck. Now I'm back to earth. I don't get political often but I wonder how much of this is our current administrations fault.
Monday, June 2, 2008
an A on the social report card
I went to a really cool restaurant/bar/huge complex last night called the Oasis, overlooking a breathtaking view of lake Travis. I couldn't describe it to you if I wanted. Expansive maybe. I found a pic but it's only about 1/4th of the view.
Anyway went with a bunch of people I don't know. Jessica asked me to go so I did. A birthday party for a coworker and everyone brought their husbands, significant others etc.
It could have been very awkward for me but for some reason I was in one of those extremely calm and in-control moods I seem to find myself in sometimes. It was as if everything slowed down and I had time to process things before I said them.
I believe sometimes a person's state is almost palpable. People respond differently, experiences happen that wouldn't have normally happened had you not been full of that mysterious energy. Its almost as if an ongoing fantastic mood can shape reality as you move through it, manifesting very real outcomes.
I wish I could bottle up certain aspects of my character and open them whenever I wanted. The only way I could explain last night was a complete confidence in where I was in every aspect of my life in that moment in time. Sometimes I am unshakably happy.
Only sometimes though.
Anyway went with a bunch of people I don't know. Jessica asked me to go so I did. A birthday party for a coworker and everyone brought their husbands, significant others etc.
It could have been very awkward for me but for some reason I was in one of those extremely calm and in-control moods I seem to find myself in sometimes. It was as if everything slowed down and I had time to process things before I said them.
I believe sometimes a person's state is almost palpable. People respond differently, experiences happen that wouldn't have normally happened had you not been full of that mysterious energy. Its almost as if an ongoing fantastic mood can shape reality as you move through it, manifesting very real outcomes.
I wish I could bottle up certain aspects of my character and open them whenever I wanted. The only way I could explain last night was a complete confidence in where I was in every aspect of my life in that moment in time. Sometimes I am unshakably happy.
Only sometimes though.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
the big Three Oh.
So I've decided that for my 30th birthday I am going to take a train across Europe. I know two people I can stay with in France and Spain so that would save me some money. I am doing my research on Hostels, train passes etc. At this time (and I could be totally wrong) I think I could probably make it on about $4000 and have some left over when I got home. I hope the dollar isn't any weaker than it is now when September rolls around.
Not sure how I will come up with the money yet but I feel like its going to happen for me so I'm not worried. Ive been looking at a map of Europe to get an idea of the best path to take. I know I want to see Prague and any part of Italy because I have somehow missed it every time.
The idea of doing this alone is a little scary and cool at the same time. I know hostels are great places to meet people and I have no doubt the trip is going to be one big adventure. And I have a forum (this blog) to post about the experience. When I went to Barcelona last year I didn't write enough about the trip and now parts of it are a hazy memory so documenting the whole thing is going to be a big priority for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)