I just have to accept that its going to take a very long time to master Ableton. I bought a midi keyboard and this really helped the creative process to be able to actually play the notes rather than draw them. Still its daunting to stare at the interface and want it to do what you want it to do but it only gives you back the crap you put into it.

And not just the technical stuff. Knowing that I can now do pretty much anything without creative restrictions reminds me of how mediocre I can be.

I remember when I was using a cheap program 10 years ago to record stuff I would slave for hours over a tiny little feature and celebrate when I finally got it to work.  This software reduces those glorious moments of innovation and inspiration to a simple click of the mouse. Technology cheapens things again.

Its weird how unlimited potential can paralyze you where you stand.

You can leave a cigarette behind. You don't have to smoke it. Just go inside and write about stuff that makes you feel important.

I watched Manhattan tonight and realized that the best comedy meets neuroticism was pulled off by Woody Allen. All the things I have been trying to hide from women are nothing new. All the things I think that hold me back have been spoken and lauded.

It doesnt solve a thing. But it brings me closer to humanity. I'm not alone. But its still a movie.