i feel that softening of ideals that comes from old age creeping in. Diplomatic. Balanced. Pansyfied. Realistic.
Adulthood is for pussies.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
drought
I went over a year, closer to two without writing much of anything. But the last couple months have been a rebirth of sorts for me. I have new ambitions (quieter ones).
However this album is still a top priority. I've put 3 years of my life into it. Thats no small thing. We have come so far. Our live shows, when we are in the zone, are pretty damn good. We made it on a respected radio show, multiple weeks in a row. We were given props in the Chronicle as a band to watch in 2010.
But I feel a chapter closing. Dan's going to grad school. Not sure about our future. The album might do well. It might not. If it does well then we will try to make it work. If it doesnt, Im not afraid.
I feel like I'm just getting started in my songwriting. I wrote something the other day that I am very proud of. One of my best. Maybe its age. Maybe its the breakup. Maybe its a perfect combination of feeling strong emotions again and having a bunch of dusty writings waiting for some sort of structure. But its happening. And I'm very satisfied with the creative aspect of my life right now and I want to actually do something with it.
Not sure if I want to start a whole new project or if I want to just do it myself and have it be a drum-less, bass-less thing ala Nilsson. Just guitar, harmonies and a pinch of keyboards.
If I do this, the songwriting and vocals have to be there. I think I can do it. And if I continue the trend I'm on I will have a decent amount of songs to work with.
However this album is still a top priority. I've put 3 years of my life into it. Thats no small thing. We have come so far. Our live shows, when we are in the zone, are pretty damn good. We made it on a respected radio show, multiple weeks in a row. We were given props in the Chronicle as a band to watch in 2010.
But I feel a chapter closing. Dan's going to grad school. Not sure about our future. The album might do well. It might not. If it does well then we will try to make it work. If it doesnt, Im not afraid.
I feel like I'm just getting started in my songwriting. I wrote something the other day that I am very proud of. One of my best. Maybe its age. Maybe its the breakup. Maybe its a perfect combination of feeling strong emotions again and having a bunch of dusty writings waiting for some sort of structure. But its happening. And I'm very satisfied with the creative aspect of my life right now and I want to actually do something with it.
Not sure if I want to start a whole new project or if I want to just do it myself and have it be a drum-less, bass-less thing ala Nilsson. Just guitar, harmonies and a pinch of keyboards.
If I do this, the songwriting and vocals have to be there. I think I can do it. And if I continue the trend I'm on I will have a decent amount of songs to work with.
last show for awhile
tonight i savored my time on stage like i was going to die tomorrow.
I knew there would be no sexy woman waiting for me once I stepped offstage. A few compliments from dudes but there would be no cute little nubile beauty waiting.
Still I moved with every ounce of energy I had. Nothing was left to spare.
The woman I used to date would not be there. We are done. Forever. Its real now. I miss her sometimes. She pretends she doesn't miss me but I know she does. But she wont read this. And I may not ever speak to her again. At least not in any real kind of sense.
Yet tonight I gave it everything. Purely for the sake of giving it.
No super good friends tonight. A few acquaintances. Well wishers and other nice folk that always barely scratch the surface of what I need as far as human interaction goes.
I drove home listening to Coltrane. The city was quiet. The cops moved slowly but I was not worried.
I gave it absolutely everything I had. I could feel others acknowledging it in that mysterious way that cant be explained with words. It felt good. I was soaked to the bone with sweat. I cared absolutely nothing about how I sounded. And this caused me to sound better than I have in a long time.
With no prospects to speak of, I played like this was my last time to ever do it. It was deliberate. And as I lay down tonight, alone and tipsy, I regret nothing.
I knew there would be no sexy woman waiting for me once I stepped offstage. A few compliments from dudes but there would be no cute little nubile beauty waiting.
Still I moved with every ounce of energy I had. Nothing was left to spare.
The woman I used to date would not be there. We are done. Forever. Its real now. I miss her sometimes. She pretends she doesn't miss me but I know she does. But she wont read this. And I may not ever speak to her again. At least not in any real kind of sense.
Yet tonight I gave it everything. Purely for the sake of giving it.
No super good friends tonight. A few acquaintances. Well wishers and other nice folk that always barely scratch the surface of what I need as far as human interaction goes.
I drove home listening to Coltrane. The city was quiet. The cops moved slowly but I was not worried.
I gave it absolutely everything I had. I could feel others acknowledging it in that mysterious way that cant be explained with words. It felt good. I was soaked to the bone with sweat. I cared absolutely nothing about how I sounded. And this caused me to sound better than I have in a long time.
With no prospects to speak of, I played like this was my last time to ever do it. It was deliberate. And as I lay down tonight, alone and tipsy, I regret nothing.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
repost
decided to repost something I wrote back in 08. Still rings true for me.
6 months at my job? Really?
Has it been 6 months?
I say this a lot to people I know but the passage of time is really starting to freak me out. I already have a fear of getting old, I can only imagine how long a year will seem when I am 60.
I graduated in '04 so I have been in Austin 4.5 years already.
I still vividly remember having a beer with Craig on my 21st birthday in Houston. That was 9 years ago.
When you are a kid people tell you to enjoy being young. But a year feels like an eternity. You count the days until your next birthday where you can clean up with presents. "Don't be in a rush to grow up" You don't understand the advice at all.
I know in ten years I am going to look back on the months around this period of my life and shake my head at how quickly they went. Its kind of sad and beautiful at the same time.
There is truly no time to waste. Time is the only currency worth concerning yourself with. Its dispersed in little packets of 24 hours per day and if you piss it away on a life less than you deserve its no one else's fault but your own.
At the end of my life I can see how that will be the biggest tragedy of all. More than fortunes wasted, broken hearts or some other crushing defeat. Wasted time. Hesitance, procrastination and complacency. Terrible things.
6 months at my job? Really?
Has it been 6 months?
I say this a lot to people I know but the passage of time is really starting to freak me out. I already have a fear of getting old, I can only imagine how long a year will seem when I am 60.
I graduated in '04 so I have been in Austin 4.5 years already.
I still vividly remember having a beer with Craig on my 21st birthday in Houston. That was 9 years ago.
When you are a kid people tell you to enjoy being young. But a year feels like an eternity. You count the days until your next birthday where you can clean up with presents. "Don't be in a rush to grow up" You don't understand the advice at all.
I know in ten years I am going to look back on the months around this period of my life and shake my head at how quickly they went. Its kind of sad and beautiful at the same time.
There is truly no time to waste. Time is the only currency worth concerning yourself with. Its dispersed in little packets of 24 hours per day and if you piss it away on a life less than you deserve its no one else's fault but your own.
At the end of my life I can see how that will be the biggest tragedy of all. More than fortunes wasted, broken hearts or some other crushing defeat. Wasted time. Hesitance, procrastination and complacency. Terrible things.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The lineup for ACL this year is ridiculous. Elbow??? Stevie Wonder?? Wow.
We are on to vocals now with the album. Its going well for the most part. Still no clue when this thing will be released. But so far I like what Ive done with a few exceptions.
Went on a date with a woman 6 years older than me. She has the body of women nearly half her age. I get the feeling that shes a bit materialistic. But holy moly shes smoking. Guessing those things often go hand in hand.
She seemed to like me and expressed interest in hanging out again. Honestly I just want to see her naked. Appalling? Perhaps. But I'm tired of telling myself what I want is wrong. Yes I want to see her naked. Sounds like a fantastic way to spend an evening.
The important thing is to not lead her on, either through words or lack of words. I would love her to grab my hand, look me in the eye and say... "Hey lets just have fun." It rarely seems to be that effortless.
We are on to vocals now with the album. Its going well for the most part. Still no clue when this thing will be released. But so far I like what Ive done with a few exceptions.
Went on a date with a woman 6 years older than me. She has the body of women nearly half her age. I get the feeling that shes a bit materialistic. But holy moly shes smoking. Guessing those things often go hand in hand.
She seemed to like me and expressed interest in hanging out again. Honestly I just want to see her naked. Appalling? Perhaps. But I'm tired of telling myself what I want is wrong. Yes I want to see her naked. Sounds like a fantastic way to spend an evening.
The important thing is to not lead her on, either through words or lack of words. I would love her to grab my hand, look me in the eye and say... "Hey lets just have fun." It rarely seems to be that effortless.
Monday, May 16, 2011
The night the mall exploded
the night the mall exploded
bits of fashion raining down
vials of makeup in the street
giant cookies all around
The night the mall exploded
the soccor moms were scared
the lonely escalator
now forever stairs
The night the mall exploded
elsewhere safe and sound
May the Lord forever bless
my tiny bank account
bits of fashion raining down
vials of makeup in the street
giant cookies all around
The night the mall exploded
the soccor moms were scared
the lonely escalator
now forever stairs
The night the mall exploded
elsewhere safe and sound
May the Lord forever bless
my tiny bank account
Monday, May 2, 2011
Adventures in Banking
So today was totally surreal.
First off my grandmothers caretaker is scamming her out of her money. Family decides its time to get her out.
I go to the bank to close her account. I see a guy I havent seen in 10 years or more at the teller. Mildly strange. Then it just got ridiculous.
Suddenly I hear a gunshot and I watch out the window as a man comes stumbling into the bank bleeding from the top of his head. Someone had ran up, stole his bag and SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
Everyones freaking out. Im thinking its about to be a bank robbery so I hide under the desk.
Circus of police and firetrucks etc rush up seconds later. Witnesses are talking. The dude I used to know calmly got on his bike and rode off. in fact he was conducting his business as this man was sitting in the center of the floor bleeding profusely. He was always a pretty weird guy.
Absolutely insane day.
First off my grandmothers caretaker is scamming her out of her money. Family decides its time to get her out.
I go to the bank to close her account. I see a guy I havent seen in 10 years or more at the teller. Mildly strange. Then it just got ridiculous.
Suddenly I hear a gunshot and I watch out the window as a man comes stumbling into the bank bleeding from the top of his head. Someone had ran up, stole his bag and SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
Everyones freaking out. Im thinking its about to be a bank robbery so I hide under the desk.
Circus of police and firetrucks etc rush up seconds later. Witnesses are talking. The dude I used to know calmly got on his bike and rode off. in fact he was conducting his business as this man was sitting in the center of the floor bleeding profusely. He was always a pretty weird guy.
Absolutely insane day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)