last show for awhile

tonight i savored my time on stage like i was going to die tomorrow.

I knew there would be no sexy woman waiting for me once I stepped offstage. A few compliments from dudes but there would be no cute little nubile beauty waiting.

Still I moved with every ounce of energy I had. Nothing was left to spare.

The woman I used to date would not be there. We are done. Forever. Its real now. I miss her sometimes. She pretends she doesn't miss me but I know she does. But she wont read this. And I may not ever speak to her again. At least not in any real kind of sense.

Yet tonight I gave it everything. Purely for the sake of giving it.

No super good friends tonight. A few acquaintances. Well wishers and other nice folk that always barely scratch the surface of what I need as far as human interaction goes.

I drove home listening to Coltrane. The city was quiet. The cops moved slowly but I was not worried.

I gave it absolutely everything I had. I could feel others acknowledging it in that mysterious way that cant be explained with words. It felt good. I was soaked to the bone with sweat. I cared absolutely nothing about how I sounded. And this caused me to sound better than I have in a long time.

With no prospects to speak of, I played like this was my last time to ever do it. It was deliberate. And as I lay down tonight, alone and tipsy, I regret nothing.