Post # 201

so here comes 2009.

its going to be eventful. Everything is different now. Different band situation, different job, different friends, different lover (s?)

What am I in store for? Who cares other than myself?

One time someone asked John Wayne what courage meant to him...if it meant being fearless.

He said that "courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway"

That kind of simplistic inspiration kinda makes me want to cry. How manly is that?

So lets end 2008 with that thought until the new year. me crying. Stay safe everyone. See you on the other side.

Christmas

This year Grandma is still in the hospital. I just learned that she was moments away from losing her entire foot due to a lack of circulation. The surgery worked so bloodflow is solid again. She is out of ICU and in her own room. They are going to try to get her to walk within the coming days.

Thats the good news and something we are thankful for.

Selfishly I am not looking forward to going to Houston for Christmas. There's a good chance it will be in the hospital in Pasafuckingdena Texas. The twinkling refineries and smell of sweet sweet chemicals will be the backdrop of the holiday season. The beeping machines and television theme songs drifting down echoey hallways will be our carols.

bleh.

Michael Jackson

I was reading yet another strange article about him. If he is any indication of the price of notoreity, I want nothing to do with it.

And if you have kids you will do them a favor and keep them out of it as well.

certainty

you know what my problem is? I am not certain of anything.

I seriously have few things I am die hard convicted and certain about. I want to be. I really do.

Diplomacy and level-headed objectivity can be a weakness. Hard headed people may piss you off but at least you know they have convictions.

flaking..

2 drummers have canceled on us. I know they are notoriously flaky but come on.

tonight's going to be cool. A host of interesting bands at Emo's and a super-cute girl meeting me there. Shes a twin.

speaking of flaking...we'll see.

your LOL for the day...

http://www.theonion.com/content/from_print/armless_legless_tiger_woods

12 Laws of Life

I generally run from any kind of self help lists about how to live. I envision meek overly enthusiastic cat lovers sending chain mail forwards with angels and rainbows.

I am a fan of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Its a pretty complex topic but basically boils down to a category of self improvement that is gaining a lot of respect and attention as of late. It focuses on the internal world you create for yourself and how it affects the external world you experience. It is known for modeling successful people from various professions and attempts to come up with basic fundamental truths about having an exceptional quality of life. It also has cool internal exercises that people swear has changed the way they move through and perceive their experiences. ANYWAY...

here is a list of the 12 laws of life from a well-known NLP blog. I agree with them and have recently began seeing these truths in my own life so I thought I would share...

http://nlpco.com/news/2008/12/11/toms-twelve-laws-of-life/

a witches teat

went out last night. kinda dragged out by a friend of mine who lost his job and is bored out of his mind. Poor guy is an engineer but is having a tough time finding work. The economy has made its way to my life (no commissions) and people I actually know(getting laid off).

I may be paid peanuts right now but my boss is doing fine so knock on wood...

It was bitingly cold last night. My jacket is in Houston. The band was absolutely terrible. There was a chick walking around that was dressed like Mary Poppins.

I regret going out. BUT. I didn't have a single drink or smoke a single cigarette. I went to bed thankful for it. Now I'm partaking in my new found vice. gourmet coffee.

Tonight I am going to do more work-from-home research.

Grandma is in the hospital. Its apparently a minor surgery making up for a complication for her previous surgery. I'm not worried yet but a bit uneasy. Still it sucks because she is not going to be able to go to Louisiana for Christmas. I hope she at least gets out before the 25th. I will attending Kevin's graduation this weekend so its a perfect chance to visit her in the hospital if she is still there.

I dread the coming years in that respect. I already mentally prepare myself for some bad news about her when I see my Mom's phone number come up on my phone. If I hear a lilt of cheerfulness I know its cool. Its that businesslike tone I fear.

But this is a minor thing so no worries yet.

Speaking of Kevin graduating...give this dude some props. 3 years studying a difficult subject, working full time and trying to have a meaningful relationship. Bravo.

holy crap our website is coming along nicely...got cool photos up now... www.legsagainstarms.com

Oprah

is anyone else annoyed that Oprah controls the buying habits of millions of Americans?

I wanted this when I first saw it.

The sales numbers were awful until Oprah raved about it. Now you cant get one without being on a waiting list.

America is full of drones. Mindless vacuums waiting to be told what to do, read and spend their money on. For some reason this just pisses me off right now.

PS. the price has skyrocketed since I read about it months ago.

good weekend

this weekend was pretty cool. I still sort of wasted it but i did it without feeling hungover. Had one of those glorious open the window naps on Sunday afternoon. The day was breezy and perfect.

My friend Abe bought a house. Its a good market to buy a house. He said its already worth about 10,000 more than he bought it for. Instant equity. Pretty cool. After a year hes going to refinance, get the payments low and rent it out to people for a nice little positive cashflow.

I need to get my shit together and do something like this.

My friend Michelle is moving to Virginia with her new boyfriend. She came by to hang out and say goodbye. I questioned whether she should be moving with a guy she barely knows and wondered if she had any reservations. In the middle of talking about it she just sort of fell apart and told me how scared she was of making a bad decision.

We went to dinner with Abe, laughed a lot, and afterwards I made the goodbye quick and casual but I could see in her eyes she was sad to be leaving. Another friend scatters. I wish her luck. There's a good chance shell be back. :)

Worked more on the website. Worked meaning we got together and made decisions about what we liked, didnt like etc and passed it onto the web guy. We had some differing opinions but overall are pretty happy with everything. We meet another drummer wednesday and record thursday. The EP is almost done.

the end

snl

makes some damn good songs these days...this is ridiculously funny.

jizz in my pants...

Jeeze I feel good

not sure why. nothings different than yesterday.

music is one of the most important things in the universe. i say this with absolute sincerity.

emotional lockup

I just realized something. If I go too long without listening to good music...I mean really listening...and this usually means exploring new music...I start to lose my abilities to feel things on a meaningful level.

As melodramatic as that sounds its true. A new song can hit me just so, and a flood of feelings just rushes over me. Like.."where the hell have you been...here comes a little glimmer of what its like to be human again." and that totally rhymed so I know im in the zone.

And this is terrible because I dont listen to new music much lately. I tend to stick with what I have in my computer.

By the way I was listening to American Music Club's All the Lost Souls Welcome You to San Francisco when it hit me... It made me want to be in Europe again strangely. It made me make little movies of a life I never had but desperately want...and actually forgot I wanted.

I wanted a girlfriend (gasp!)...I wanted to smile with friends around me at some amazing party where we were all attending. All the people I love...in one place..no distance between us.

I think for my health i am going to buy several new CDs tomorrow.

I cant even imagine

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/12/09/military.jet.crash/index.html

seriously take whatever stupid thing you are worried about, pissed off at, or moaning over and just shut the hell up.

Making Money on the Internets

So I hung out with about 50 people who all make their money on the internet. They throw out numbers that would boggle anyone's mind. Making $50,000 in one day is not uncommon for some of these folks. My friend Mike is taking his entire company on a month long skiiing trip where they will work from their laptops one day, ski the next, work the next etc.

My boss doesn't see things the same way unfortunately.

I don't need that kind of money to be happy really. I do notice that everyone is always striving for more. I guess its just human to want more but I wonder if I would experience the same feeling. I know I have a slight fear of success which apparently is a very real phenomenon that many of these people talk about.

But I integrated well with them and I believe I am still on the outskirts of this kind of thing but my foot is firmly in the door. I just gotta figure out the angle I want to go.

bolstering strength....

for the info marketer meeting. People who literally make what I make in a year...in a few days. Its already started but Im waiting for a friend of mine to roll in there about the same time as me. Actually. Screw it. I'm going now.

Proof Karma exists

OJ is going to prison. Enough said.

Seriously though you would think after literally getting away with murder that you might want to lay low FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Idiot.

this article is real...

http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUSN0746551320081207


Hey lets combine car commercials and church!!!

weird weekend

this weekend was a completely lazy, nothing accomplished, reckless, surreal and not acting my age kind of weekend. I had goals that went unmet. I think I ate two meals the whole weekend. I puked for the first time in like a year. I crashed a work christmas party, hitting on every women in the place, boyfriend in tow or not. I hung out with a nutcase who called me out of the blue. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I'm an idiot and this weekend was a bit of a waste. I really think I am starting to see the life I dont want to have. One of my hopes as I grow older was to never have regrets about missing out on being a completely self absorbed jackass. Check.

But we recorded horns finally. I have mixed feelings about the results. Of course I need to hear everything mixed properly. We'll see.

Had a flat. My tire exploded basically. Changed it in what felt like about 20 minutes. Not too bad I guess. Discount Tire is an amazing company. I had credit on the blown tire due to a warranty so my new tire only cost me 28 bucks. I love the no nonsense style of that company. They do the work the same, regardless of what you paid. If they can fix your flat, they do it for free. Their salesmanship doesn't feel shady and they are always friendly. I have nothing but good things to say about that company.

I made no commission this month. The economy hit us just enough to slow sales just below my goal. I'm poor now. Very very poor. All the more reason to focus on outside income.

scratch that....

I debated completely deleting the previous post but I am not going to. I want to remember it.

For the record I can be a real pussy sometimes. Today I totally believe I can live both lives successfully. Most probably couldn't but I am not most people and need to stop trying to find reasonable comparisons to my life. Its mine and there is not another one like it.

So booyeah.

art or commerce?

so Daniel and I met with our first drummer tonight. He was a nice guy. A couple years older than me, had his graduate degree and worked for Dell. Played in some cover bands etc.

I have a hard time being constructively critical when people are so nice. Daniel on the other hand laid out good points that struck him as being slightly off from what we need. It was true. Everything he said. We can't settle and this guy was just a dude who wanted to be in a band and play some "tunes". There are at least 8 others that we need to meet with and this guy, though nice, was not really the guy we need.

The first thing you might say is..."well did you play with him?"

And I would be with you on that. But there is more to it than that. An unspoken sort of realization that someone isn't on the same page with you. This guy had it. Maybe we are too harsh but we are going to look further. Another one tomorrow.

One thing that scares the hell out of me is that I am having a hard time switching back and forth between securing my future with a side business and staying creative with this band. It might be a limiting belief but being mister marketer and a creative person at the same time is very very hard for me. The two do no compliment each other it seems. They both detract from the other.

Are these simply limiting beliefs of what is possible or me facing a harsh reality? Am I a fucking poser either way? I know that my heroes have faced commerce and art at one point. I am not even there and I am doubting my abilities to do both. Commerce with my art is one thing but two independent ventures like this are so polar opposite from each other that I begin to wonder if I am capable of both. I don't want to have to choose. Poverty and a world of inspiration or rolling in money and giving up the only thing unique I have to offer the world? There has to be another way. I'm sure people have done both.

We need more hours in the day. I need to be able to live 2 distinct lives, free from the memory of each. I am afraid its killing my ability to tap into my emotions and create. My material is arguably semi-good as it is, I cant lose even more inspiration or I will be reduced to utter bullshit....

Daniel told me that Travis came over to drop off the drums and he couldn't bring himself to talk to him. He said he didn't take the situation like I did. He feels betrayed and pissed off at Travis. I feel the same way but I am trying to be mature. I flip back and forth.

Daniel simply feels abandoned and lied to. He feels dumped. Travis looked him in the eye and told him that he was on board with us literally a month before he left. Its not that he didn't like working with us. We could see he did. He simply cant keep his shit together to keep us a priority. He own life is so out of control and hectic that he cannot afford to dedicate himself to us. He allowed his issues to become this big a thing. Flaky bastard. Though this is Travis' shit it directly affects us and Daniel said he has nothing to say to him.

I understand this sentiment but I also see that the core of this project is still intact. We are more into this working than ever. It will happen. But I don't know how many good songs I have in me or how much I can bring to this band when I feel inspired about 10 percent of my life. I often doubt it even equals a single percentage point of my waking moments. This can't be the life of any kind of artist.

Speed Reading

Man I wish I could speed read. It sounds like a worthwhile skill to develop. Imagine being able to sit down, take a several hundred page book and finish it in about 30 minutes, having thoroughly retained a good portion of the information.

New skills could be developed practically overnight. Im reading an ebook right now called Maximum Profit - Direct Marketing that teaches all about using the mail to market products and services. Its long. Its boring. But its full of great things that will help me. If I could read this in an hour and then be able to go off and do it right, how cool would that be?

I've seen speed readers that literally cover pages within a couple seconds. Its mind blowing but apparently your brain is that powerful. It can be trained to take in massive amounts of visual information. I think I should look into this. But I probably wont. =)

a 1....and a 2....and a 1...2...3...4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MEANINGFULLY ABSURD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

There are so many people I want to thank. okay. Actually there are just a few people I want to thank who keep up with my life. But they are very very important to me.

My life is completely different than when I started this little thing. That's they way it should be.

Blogging is so self indulgent. Its addicting. Its theraputic. Its a great way to remember things. Its also a great way to share way too much information with people. I can never run for public office now.

Good.

http://meaningfullyabsurd.blogspot.com/2007/12/first-post-ever.html

Putting things off

I'm really bad about putting things off that aren't necessarily pleasant for me.

But I think I am turning a corner. Last night I was working on my little side project to make some extra cash. I have since hit a roadblock that needs outside tech help. No problem. I am fortunate enough to have access to the guy who created the product and his entire crew of geniuses.

So I have been in contact with his best affiliate. This guy makes the most money doing exactly what I will be doing. He is helping me set up the process to get things started.

incredible opportunity.

Yet I found myself staring at my computer screen last night not wanting to call the guy. Slightly nervous about sounding stupid, a little lazy not wanting to deal with this technical crap and a few other tiny little emotions that usually create me putting something off.

Then it hit me. I have access to this guy's brain. People pay him money to hear what he has to say. I am stupid for putting this off and not jumping on this opportunity to talk to him.

So I called. Voicemail. No problem. He immediately IMed me from Gmail (gmail rocks by the way), said he is on a webinar and will call me at 8PM Pacific time. I had over an hour to wait so I fired up some of the marketing videos my boss has allowed me access to (once again expensive things I get for free) and made use of every minute waiting for that guy to call. By the time he called I was so worked up about getting this project going that I probably sounded too friendly.

Anyway I got some good advice from him and the technical help I needed.

I can see why success eludes so many people. Stepping outside of what you are familiar with is uncomfortable but its the only way I will rise about myself and start to see a new financial life. I have always seen myself as being successful someday. Now its time to actually take those steps toward doing it.

Next tuesday is a marketer meet and greet downtown. Austin actually has some of the big boys living here so I am going to go and rub elbows with these guys and see what happens.

I also emailed a guy I had worked with in the past on some marketing and he is wanting to hire me for part time consulting for his product he is looking to sell. I have no clue what to charge him. But I realized that my brain is now full of things that people actually dont know and are willing to pay people to learn. This is a good thing.

This is a long post but I am in the zone today. The video last night had an amazing story that inspired the hell out of me. The speaker is a guy named John Reese who is a brilliant and very successful marketer and he was talking about how he was around the dot com boom when people were buying domain names for insane amounts of money.

He was 24, dead broke and in massive debt and had bought a few domain names for several hundred dollars. Back then it took several weeks to get approval (now its instantaneous).

Someone contacted him and said they would like to buy his domain name. He was thrilled. They offered $1000. He said he danced around his apartment and bragged to everyone he knew. A few days later the guy called and had some papers that needed to be finalized.

The guy felt guilty and confessed to John that he brokered the domain he bought from John for $1 Million dollars.

Ouch.

John said he proceeded to sit in his room for 3 days in a deep deep depression.

He later realized that rather than wallow in it, he wanted to be like that broker. He obviously was on the right path having chosen a name that could pull a million bucks. He came out of it with a new view of things and what was possible. He then went on to being on of the most successful domain brokers ever.

Anyway the videos are excellent. I am going out of my head with anticipation for getting things moving. The little nuts and bolts of it drive me crazy though. I hate the technical aspect of getting these things moving.

Tomorrow is a Big Day. Sort of. An anniversary. Stay tuned....

why my job is good for me

the level of organization I have to have is ridiculous. Its only going to help my business endeavors.

The air is pregnant with possibility... I just need to step forward and do it.

thanksgiving recap

this was a great thanksgiving. We had something like 22 people at my aunt's house. The kids are getting big and the bulk of the adults are still staunch republicans. I kept my mouth shut about how my uncle and aunt said they would vote for Sarah Palin as PRESIDENT "in a heartbeat".

just let it go man.

We played games and talked about memories. The food was excellent and I felt good for the most part. Except Thursday night. I had perhaps the worst sore throat I have ever had in my life. Its like the last several days worth of illness collected into a tiny spot in the back of my throat and gave me hell most of the night. Daggers.

Now its back to work, interviewing drummers and trying to start a side business to get me out of financial mediocrity.

Dating and being in a band

The parallels to dating and being in a band are so close its scary.

I keep going through waves of emotion from knowing he could have dedicated himself more if he really wanted it, to being on his side because his acting is his real passion, and then back to hating him again. He plays in another band that is actually going on a small tour in January. This is like cheating or something twisted like that.

Then its like fuck it. He doesn't want to be a part of this anymore. Fine.

So is it me? Is it the material? Fuck it either way!

The landscape of new musicians seems too big to conquer. Every person who responds feels like a big mystery we have to uncover, and time must be spent to find out if hes a good fit. Time and energy invested on something that could be better spent elsewhere. I dont want to find a new drummer. I want our old one to be cool.

I am confidentit will be fine, then I am not. Then I am again. Perverse parallels. A band is truly a relationship of sorts and I feel the loss.

I did finish a good song the other day. Its about winter. I like winter imagry.

Here are the lyrics...

I'm throwing in the towel
extend the branches out
its time
when you come around
holding up the stars in the sky

in winter's fading light
winters fading light
I wont let you down this time

the smell of coffee grounds
look at what we found
alright!
that kind of love surrounds
youre smiling at me with your eyes

in winters fading light
winters fading light
I finally move like Im alive

singing only vowels
making sure the owls
are in time
listen to the sound
as the world is covered up in white

in winters fading light
winters fading light
I wont let you down tonight

responses coming in

got a guy from Berklee College of Music who can play like 6 instruments who is very interested.

Craigslist works people. Use it for something in your life and watch what happens.

level headed me

the guys are worried. its definitely a sea change for us. But something I felt was inevitable. I know what makes up my character is found in moments like this and I refuse to accept nothing less than total control of my emotions.

I listened to the EP tonight and felt 2 of these said emotions. One was bittersweet with a tinge of fear for losing an amazing drummer and 2 was holy shit I cannot let this crumble, its fucking good stuff. and our new stuff is even better so there's nothing to do but keep going.

I hope the guys can keep their heads together. We have an EP to finish by the new year and a drummer to prep for shows.

Drummer-less

Well after a year of mostly great things, we've hit a roadblock. Travis our insanely talented and very flaky drummer told us we need to find a new drummer. His life is too hectic to give us his full attention.

No hard feelings but the show must go on. Literally. Here is the new ad I am about to post on craigslist. (and yes the band got started via craiglist so viva technology)

"Subject line: Argh! Now is not the time to lose a drummer!!!

We are a band called Legs Against Arms who have been together about a year. A new EP is in the final stages (months in the working). Brand new website nearly complete. We have played several decent venues around town, including Emo's opening for Oh No, Oh My and Corto Maltese. A review of that show is a quick Google search away.

Anyway, Murphy's Law is a bitch and we are now without a drummer. He was good.

So this is an ad in search of a drummer who knows what he/she is doing.

A drummer who thinks more like a musician instead of just a drummer. someone who understands dynamics, volume control, and structure.

A drummer who can soft rock one second and then furiously indie rock dance party USA the next.

Someone who can practice at least twice a week. We are flexible with schedules but this project is also a priority for us.

Someone who is fun, positive and just a cool person to be around.

We understand you are not our old drummer and expect new energy to change things around a bit. We look forward to what you bring to the table.

http://www.myspace.com/legsagainstarms
www.legsagainstarms.com

We're a bit reluctant to show our myspace because everything else we play sounds nothing like these two songs. These songs are on the outskirts of our style but its all we have until the EP is released yada yada.

But now would be a good time to join us. We have passed our "new band" stage and have solid material and can get shows relatively easily. Who knows what this EP will do for us.

Feel free to pass this on to anyone who might be interested. We'd like to meet someone ASAP and get prepped for shows. Thanks."

This will not stop us.

Death of the Internet

If this is coming down the pipe in a few years we are screwed

http://www.prisonplanet.com/articles/june2008/120608_a_death.htm

Imagine if a bunch of corporations came together and forced us to pay a subscription for access to fractions of the web. Rather than have access to everything once you sign on, they have agreements in place so you can only visit a handful of sites. You then pay extra for other sites almost like cable TV. Some sites wont even be available anymore. The internet as you know it would be dead.

Its much more complex than this but apparently the infrastructure to do this in the next several years is already in place. Yikes. Now I'm not a conspiracy theorist but this site is saying there are plenty of mainstream media sources verifying this. Check it out and make your own decision.

I have a hard time imagining this will actually happen but this would really suck if it did.

Nerd Alert - Ico

so im not much of a gamer but I am obsessed with getting to play this game called Ico. Its on the Playstation 2 (which from what I hear is now waaaay outdated) but its heralded as more of a work of art than a video game.

Youre basically this little boy, banished from your village and locked in an enormous castle and you meet a little girl also in the castle. You have to help her escape and protect her from these shadow creatures trying to capture her soul. So the game is you guiding her through this very richly designed world and its full of subtleties like the controller doing things to simulate you holding her hand and an almost complete lack of dialogue and music. The music that is available is supposedly on par with a film soundtrack and apparently it has an incredible ending. Every review says its the most original game they have ever played and it completely changed the face of gaming. Strangely it was a commercial flop but became a cult classic later.

"On the most basic level, the challenge is just to move from point A to point B, overcoming the inanimate obstacles in between. As an experience, though, it's almost impossible to describe.

Ico is short, Ico is quiet, and Ico is in fact nearly incomprehensible. It has an action quotient very close to zero. It has a story, but you see and hear only tiny hints and snatches, spending most of the game on one side of an impenetrable language barrier. So what is there to actually recommend this game, given that I do recommend it almost without reservation? The experience.

The feeling of simply being in the world that Ico creates is one of the most fascinating things I've ever seen in a videogame. The visuals, sound, and original puzzle design come together to make something that is almost, if not quite, completely unlike anything else on the market, and feels wonderful because of it. The sensation is like a very strange dream -- a little frightening, a little beautiful, intriguing throughout -- and its only main problem is the same one all dreams suffer from. It's over a good deal sooner than you might like."

I cant wait. I hope its available in Austin.

whats in store

the next few years are going to be full of history making events.

this is kinda scary:

http://www.reuters.com/article/usDollarRpt/idUSN2041155720081120

I have a very uneasy feeling about a lot of things lately. Is this a sign of age?

Do we grow more and more afraid as we get older. Thereby being reduced to a grampa simpson level of paranoia:

"I don't like the looks of those teenagers"

love it...

one of those days

ugh. what a day. simple mistakes costing clients thousands of dollars.

i want to go to bed.

why is it...

every time I have gas my boss comes into my office. He must think I have real problems.

fate is against me.

people are cool

my coworker (the only one I have) just got more interesting. Shes a bouncy, health conscious marathon running woman married to a video game artist. Thats interesting enough.

BUT

she is writing a childrens book. The title kills me. Ready...

Christmas Puppies of the Sea

lol. I laugh every time I say it. I hope she does well with it so you can say you heard about it here first. or something.

behind

I just realized today that I am behind on everything pop culture related. Movies, music you name it I am terribly out of touch.

I'm the guy who comes up to you and says hey have you heard the new [band name] album?

And I hear "Yeah like 6 months ago."

I don't know what happened. For example I just discovered the Flight of the Conchords and had no clue brilliant shows like that existed. Probably because I don't have HBO.

I do have cable but the more I think about it, the more I get pissed at myself. All I watch is Fox (which i dont need cable for), comedy central (which I can catch most shows online now) and CNN. I'm wasting money each month on something that steals my time. I could pour that into my online business efforts. Stupid.

I've never seen Lost which I hear is hands down some of the most brilliant television ever created. Everyone tells me not to watch it or lose days of my life catching up with it. Come on. Can it really be that good?

Here is what I need to do. Cancel my cable, start buying used books off Amazon and reading every night for at least an hour.

I also need to exercise, eat right and pick up the guitar every now and then outside of practice.

My big focus right now is getting a side business online going. My friend Mike has referred me to some web guys to get me set up as an affiliate for his mega successful online product. I was called today in a 3 way meeting from two guys and they were treating me very professionally and were super helpful about helping me start this thing. They are actually going to alter their whole program to achieve the results I would like to get out of being an affiliate.

They mentioned that they are going to take care of me because I am Mike's good friend. Once again proving that who you know will open doors faster than anything else. I have a great opportunity to take the knowledge I have now and the added boost of special treatment to get something real started.

our endless numbered days

I finally made it into Houston to film the house as well as go to Kevin's birthday party.

The house gets more dilapidated every time I visit. Hurricane Ike trounced the deck and pier. Cats run amok and create smells upstairs that Kevin summed up nicely. "Putrid".

But the weather was perfect as Kevin and I stood on the boathouse porch overlooking the river. Craig dropped by. The moon was bright and the water peacefully reflected it. That's something I will miss a lot. That brisk breeze coming over the water at night. We all mentioned how nice it was. Still, there was a lot of silence.

There is so much to say about it. Its been a very important little piece of property for a lot of people. Its a bit disappointing to know that my level of sentiment is most likely not going to be shared by most people. But that is just me. I get nostalgic over the stupidest little things. Its a weakness as much as a strength.

When I worked at the radio station, I remember the last day I was on air I carefully chose the songs I was going to play (i snuck in one of my acoustic songs too). But I remember thinking as I was sitting in that control booth alone at about 7pm that this is going to be the last time I will probably ever do this kind of thing. I don't really have a strong desire to do it again but the knowledge that I am doing something for the last time always makes me a little sad. So I played my set, finished on Nick Drake's Pink Moon, said goodbye to the 5 people probably listening and went home.

The house in Channelview is an exponential version of that moment. Its like saying goodbye to the first 20 years of my life. Its not the house. Its the fact that the house and that yard are a catalyst for all the memories made there.

Once its gone I am afraid countless moments of my life worth remembering are going to drift back into my subconcious, never to be recalled again. Thats the tragedy. Screw the house. Let it fall. Its time for that. But if there was some other way to fire off my memory to recall things I want to hold onto forever, show it to me. Ill become a lifetime subscriber.

And thats why friends are important. If they shared moments with you they can help you remember too. Craig and Kevin mentioned things last night I probably would have never remembered.

I know we only live in the present, and allowing yourself to be frozen in the past is a sure-fire way to be tossed around and victimized by Change. I am guilty of this sometimes. Everything around me is flying by...people are married, divorced, dying, healing, graduating, all at speeds that scare me. If I don't saddle up and hold on I will surely be left behind.

So I will curtail the waxing nostalgic for that house now. At least outwardly. It would probably get annoying to everyone around me. :)

But the greatest thing I realize out of this...

The fact that we are human and can build connections with people replaces the need for the physical objects that hold on to our memories. Our friends and family can remind us. I dont need the house. I have the people who experienced it with me. And even though we are constantly changing I always have them to help me remember.

best brief onion article in awhile

just plain hilarious

64.1

"In terms of turnout, America voted in record numbers. It looks like 136.6 million Americans will have voted for president this election, based on 88 percent of the country's precincts tallied and projections for absentee ballots, said Michael McDonald of George Mason University. Using his methods, that would give 2008 a 64.1 percent turnout rate.

"That would be the highest turnout rate that we've seen since 1908," which was 65.7 percent, McDonald said early Wednesday.

AAAAAAAAGGGGHHH

THIS IS IT PEOPLE. I HOPE AND PRAY THAT HIS RHETEROIC WAS REAL.

I AM FUCKING THRILLED.

the history books have been written. Obama is president. God shine down on him and send him the wisdom to do what is right.

I went to a giant party of strangers all rooting for him. We screamed. We cheered. I made lude comments about Palin.

there is nothing more to say right now.

that's all you got?

I guess there are no major aces up the sleeves of the GOP.

http://drudgereport.com/

come on Matt, that's the best you can do??

(this is a brief YouTube video showing Obama "flipping the bird" to McCain.)

My concern is the voting systems not being able to handle a record turnout. My voting process took about 15 minutes. Some people are waiting in line for 6 hours.

you tube comes through again

the other day I suddenly remembered a show on nickelodeon called Clarissa Explains It All. I totally wanted to do her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mF0ejW3nK0

the sets are what get me. Is that supposed to be a real tree? there are actually worse shows out there but man it was amazing the budgets these shows back then were allowed to have and still be aired.

F $%K!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/10/30/voting.machines/index.html

this makes me nervous.

Obama and McCain Dance Off

so yeah I'm sure the world has seen this but I just saw it today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzyT9-9lUyE

McCain looks terrifying while dancing.

someone did a good job with the special effects.

devils advocate

Here is a very intelligent opinion against Obama I found in a reader comment below an article, and one I can see the merits of bringing up...

"It seems unfathomable to me, that a person with a past of associations with a myriad of questionable entities and characters, of whom no one, outside of a personal circle of friends, has any inkling of a true history, could be now in contention for the highest office of the land. Be it by chance or by design, it falls to the American voting public to ferret out the true political agenda of all the candidates, so as to safeguard and preserve the integrity of the position to which they aspire. The very lack of information with respect to a candidates past, should give sufficient pause, when considering their worthiness. To otherwise neglect to properly vet or exercise one’s personal due diligence, is a travesty to the principals for which our country has always stood."

My response to this is that who in politics doesn't associate with questionable entities? It comes down to whether those questionable entities are in line with your own personal agenda, which we all have.

Yes Obama's ties are most certainly liberal. The man is of mixed race and has seen a world I will never know. I guess the question I have to ask myself is, do I believe his agenda will hurt me or help me in my own personal pursuit of happiness.

Here is what I want. I want to make good money to travel the world more. I want a loving wife eventually. I want to play music forever. So far nothing Obama says he stands for seems to really threaten that. If his agenda somehow raises my taxes a few percentage points (even though he said it wouldnt) so be it. I'll just get creative and make more money somehow(or save more money).

I also want to consider the environment. We are looking at a bleak future without a HUGE focus on it. I dont mind a few more dollars of my paycheck going towards real change in this arena. I don't see McCain really caring about this. Historically Republicans are not environmentally conscious people. I think Ill side with that rather than his rhetoric.

I want someone who brings respect back to US from the international community. We are not an island. We have serious enemies and we need friends again.

I actually don't mind the concept of universal healthcare or some sort of hybrid version of it. When I was in Spain, Marta got sick and we went to a clinic that was government based and she got an exam quickly, drugs to make her better and it was all covered and a completely painless process. Most countries are far superior to ours in their healthcare so maybe its time to look around and see there is a better model.

I don't know. Sure Obama is liberal but the last 8 years of staunch conservatism seems to have culminated into a giant clusterfuck. So there you have it. Questionable entities aside, and going on what I have been told, Obama is the better choice. If it comes down to a tanking economy or a sometimes unfair redistribution of wealth, who wouldn't pick the latter.

shows a go

i dig the UT 21st street CO-OP

It reminded me of treasure island at Disney World. Like a treehouse community where people cook and clean in shifts and live in really cool loft style apartments. I've never seen anything like it. I missed out doing something like that in college.

The stage is small but we'll make it work. Parking is a bitch so I don't know if that will affect turnout. The website splash page is an awesome view of whats to come.

www.legsagainstarms.com

So help me....

if McCain wins because of something like this I am going to Canada.

glitch




PS I love this picture (the guy's shirt says Baby Boomers)

tooting my own horn...

no sooner did I mention the McCain spending spree do I see it on the Daily Show.

For the first time I am on top of current events before my favorite shows are!!

Palin responded. I would love to think the Daily Show is powerful enough to reach them but something tells me it was a combination of sources.

This blog not included of course

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/palin_clothing

Check out what the makeup artist got paid. I am in the wrong business.

Spread the Word

Grandma is signing the papers very soon. If you want to see the house before it becomes rubble now is the time to start planning for it. I wrote something about my memories of it awhile back.

here it is

I'm going back to Houston the 8th to walk around and probably get choked up a bit. Anyone who wants to join me can.

We have a show (!!!!) the 7th by the way. You should have seen our last practice. Merriam Webster was there to take a picture for his "rusty" entry. We told him he could also use "sucked"

I need a video camera for my trip to Houston. Damn.

let me politicize once more for today

Apparently Palin (the GOP) has spent 150K on clothes and makeup, McCain has $520 shoes and 7 houses. His wife is estimated to have 100 million or something like that.

Not trying to sound all class warefare here but can a man(and woman) with access to that kind of lifestyle really empathize with my problems?

I love how Palin is trying to appeal to Joe six pack...

Yes Joe six pack, run and vote for a man with shoes that could pay off your truck for the month. Maybe you can stay in one of his houses when you are foreclosed on.

Chris rock said it best: (paraphrased)

which one do you vote for...the guy with one house or the guy with 7 houses. Which one is going to fight the hardest to keep his house? I'm voting for the guy with one house.

I also like how McCain says that alternative fuels are a big concern to him. Doesnt he have serious ties to big oil? Do you really think he would stab those guys in the back like that?

A breakdown of Palin's wardrobe spending can be seen here:

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html

Finally I will quote the article and call it a day (politically)

"A review of similar records for the campaign of Democrat Barack Obama and the Democratic National Committee turned up no similar spending."

Anytime McCain says something about Obama's unprecedented spending on his campaign just point at his shoes or Palin's jacket from Neiman Marcus and ask him to repeat himself.

Obama in double digits

I was talking to my friend Marta from Spain and she said that everyone in Europe is watching this race. They want Obama to win it and said she believes the numbers are looking good for him.

I concur. Latest polls are showing a potential landslide.


http://www.zogby.com/news/ReadNews1604.html

still I wont breathe until I know for sure and Palin has her bags packed for Alaska.

Harold Maker

I was just thinking about my grandpa. Right around the time of his passing he put up a hummingbird feeder. I just felt like writing something for him today.

hummingbird

its been a week and he hasn't shown
but i can wait a little more
these lazy days just move so slow
beside the water by the shore

when I was young I had a gun
and trigger happy hands
conquests of the innocent
trying to be a man

I built this house into a home
my wife beside me with a nail
We worked until the sun went down
5 children made the sale

it wasn't long before it came
my cells just couldn't win
you cant ignore this kind of thing
you cant forget there is an end

But I have some time to spare
and the weather is so nice
I don't regret the things I've done
you cant reason with a child

these memories now make my day
under this October sun
Waiting for the hummingbird
I've put away the gun

Your Warm and Fuzzy for the day

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/20/centenarian.votes/index.html

surprise surprise

she didnt flake.

but i was a little wimp and couldn't look at her for half the conversation. so much for my being cool.

new challenge. maintaining eye contact and sexual tension in the daytime, completely sober.

I think its funny. I had so much confidence and cockiness about this date going well. Then her rock solid self esteem and beauty reduced me to a shifty dork. I have some friends who call that "failing the beauty test" I wouldn't say I failed. I had her almost coughing up coffee from laughing at some points but I was not the badass she met that last Friday. Oh well. I cant hide my short attention span and squirminess forever.

Date score. I would say a 7.

Saw a guy I went to high school with at the coffee shop. He approached and we chatted a few minutes. Apparently the guy lives here in Austin and is a filmmaker. When I went back up to the bar where he was sitting to get a beer he said..."wow man you bagged a hottie." I didnt tell him that she was scaring the shit out of me. I just nodded.

aren't you guys supposed to be conservatives?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/16/AR2008101603436_pf.html

holy crap...a real date

by real I mean in purely the most shallow possible way.

I met a girl last Friday, had a decent conversation with her and got her number. (something I am pretty good at). Its the flaking afterward that is all too familiar to me. So needless to say my expectations were below low for a return call.

"Well did she?"

Yes pretend friend having this conversation with me! She returned my call at work today, said she couldn't make it tonight but would like to meet for coffee. I said Sunday at 2. She said sounds good.

"Yippee"

This wouldn't be a big deal to me either but this girl is ridiculously hot. Like, had I not been feeling saucy the other night she would have scared the hell out of me kind of hot.

"Oh yeah?"

Like, I-just-moved-to-Los Angeles-and-I-am-working-as-a-waitress-until-my-big-break kind of hot. and well read too. Im not a complete pig. Shes also a good girl who said she waits a long time before sex. I joked with her and told her its because she meets dork guys all the time.

"Was she a total stranger?"

She was friends with a girl who was friends with a guy I sort of know.

"Uh...So how did you approach her?"

I rolled up with a smirk and gave her and her friend shit for most of the conversation before letting the guard down and showing any remote level of niceness. She ignored a guy who drove into town to see her (of course) and had that little spark in her eye as we talked that I don't see near enough. The conversation finished with her saying "you're probably bad for me." I am rarely that guy for a girl.

Seriously if I can do this with girls of this calibre I am way underestimating myself. Of course she could be a total weirdo and nutcase and still flake....very real possibility she will flake actually, so I am keeping a level head. But if this turns out to be a good date, wow. Go me.

"Yeah man shes probably going to flake"

Shut the hell up you jealous bastard.

Obama's official response to allegations....

Obama: Bob, I think it's going to be important to just -- I'll respond to these two particular allegations that Sen. McCain has made and that have gotten a lot of attention.

In fact, Mr. Ayers has become the centerpiece of Sen. McCain's campaign over the last two or three weeks. This has been their primary focus. So let's get the record straight. Bill Ayers is a professor of education in Chicago.

Forty years ago, when I was 8 years old, he engaged in despicable acts with a radical domestic group. I have roundly condemned those acts. Ten years ago he served and I served on a school reform board that was funded by one of Ronald Reagan's former ambassadors and close friends, Mr. Annenberg.

Other members on that board were the presidents of the University of Illinois, the president of Northwestern University, who happens to be a Republican, the president of The Chicago Tribune, a Republican- leaning newspaper.

Mr. Ayers is not involved in my campaign. He has never been involved in this campaign. And he will not advise me in the White House. So that's Mr. Ayers.

Now, with respect to ACORN, ACORN is a community organization. Apparently what they've done is they were paying people to go out and register folks, and apparently some of the people who were out there didn't really register people, they just filled out a bunch of names.

It had nothing to do with us. We were not involved. The only involvement I've had with ACORN was I represented them alongside the U.S. Justice Department in making Illinois implement a motor voter law that helped people get registered at DMVs.

Now, the reason I think that it's important to just get these facts out is because the allegation that Sen. McCain has continually made is that somehow my associations are troubling.

Let me tell you who I associate with. On economic policy, I associate with Warren Buffett and former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker. If I'm interested in figuring out my foreign policy, I associate myself with my running mate, Joe Biden or with Dick Lugar, the Republican ranking member on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, or General Jim Jones, the former supreme allied commander of NATO.

Those are the people, Democrats and Republicans, who have shaped my ideas and who will be surrounding me in the White House. And I think the fact that this has become such an important part of your campaign, Sen. McCain, says more about your campaign than it says about me.

Mommy, Miss Hoover became a man

http://www.kcra.com/cnn-news/17714619/detail.html

hilarious.

Viva Tejas!

click me

Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos

just saw an amazing band last night. 10 people on a tiny stage who created orchestrated pop with every known instrument known to man. Suitcases banging, violins and cellos, steel guitars, random drums. Brilliant. This was their last tour ever. its a shame. Here is a song that has moved me immensely. Listen to it. It ends too soon and has me repeating it for ages.

http://www.myspace.com/margotandthenuclearsoandsos


Bookworm

I'm in a book
for you to read and then throw out.
I wasn't born,
I was just dropped into your arms.
Well mom I've been bad,
and I want to come home.

And you couldn't breathe,
with all those doctors at your side.
But you're talking to me,
saying I wish that I had died.
'Cause I'm being prodded,
crushed in your hands,
I want to come home on the F train.

And you were just a paper boat,
floating through the gutter.
Lost at sea,
drift to me,
and into someone's nightmare.
A home is a highway,
your pillows a rock,
I'm in a rusted car,
bound to get lost

rather than sling mud...

lets hear some specific ideas to help us out gentlemen....

oh wait. here we go.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081013/ap_on_el_pr/obama

starting to like this guy...=)


PS Is anyone else scared of electronic voting? Am I just getting old or is it a little frightening that my vote is transformed into a digital file? I saw previews for a whole documentary on the subject.

Not like my vote counts in Texas anyway. heh.

Why I Detest Politcs

The more I follow politics the more I question how any decent human being could get anywhere without being dubious. I assume you have your well-meaning agenda somewhere buried in there among your encompassing quest for power and prestige, but I really am starting to think that morality and fairness are not character traits of someone in a high stakes political race. (everyone knows this but its starting to become VERY apparent to me lately)

Example:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/11/campaign.wrap/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

Watch both videos, the first with Palin talking about abortion and the second with McCain telling people why they should not be afraid of Obama.

If you didnt follow politics much (from both sides) you would be touched by both speeches. Palin defending the rights of unborn children (using her personal story of her child with Downs Syndrom) and McCain showing a touching nod to Obama's character.

But If you noticed that the last few tirades against Obama by McCain were full of audience members shouting "Terrorist" and yes even "Kill Him" while McCain allowed these comments to go unaddressed. The media jumped on this claiming that this was not the campaign of a stand-up American.

Low and behold now we have McCain backtracking and talking about Obama as being someone who would be fit to be president, just not as good a one as he.

Similarly, you realize Palin is only giving this touching story near the election to bolster conservatives who are disheartened by The Republican ticket and need a rock and a hard place decision maker like abortion to force votes their way. fuck all this.

Dont fool yourself. There is no reason other than pure desire to win this election that these speeches are being given. My bias comes out but I honestly have not seen this kind of nonsense from the Democratic party as much. Of course if they were on the losing end of the election who knows the crap they would say.

And that is why I hate politcs.

dow at 9000 - Media helping?

So I cant help but think that the media's constant sensationalism only hurts us as a country in tough economic times. Yes things are spiraling out of control but when you go to CNN.com and notice some of the same continual hyperbole it starts to make you wonder...

could this be exacerbating the problem just a teeny little bit? Impossible to quantify but I don't doubt it. The fact is I know people who are actually making more money than they normally do right now. They are the ones buying when everyone sells, selling when everyone buys and cleaning up. My boss is doing fine, maybe a bit slower sales than usual but nothing worth freaking out about.

Historically the fact remains...The market always bounces back. I just don't know how much suffering each of us are going to have to go through before we see a correction. Is milk going to be $20 a gallon? Will part of it be because news organizations pay their bills by reporting on catastrophe in the most bleak manner possible.

This just in...toilet paper is now $250 a roll. You are shit out of luck.

buy gold now

i think its time to stop thinking of paper money as worth anything at all.

http://www.betternetworker.com/videos/view/rich-dad-2008-predictions-part-4

this is my marketer friend Mike's website and an interview with some folks back earlier this year about the current crises we are going through right now.

They say gold and silver is where its at. Or face a middle class implosion. Save up people because its already $900 an ounce..

comfy

I received my brand new memory foam mattress today. Years overdue. Very comfy.

Met a girl in line at the courthouse today. There was a definite positive shift in energy in the conversation. She was talking about moving and living on the third floor and how that kind of sucked.

I said "what with all those gymnastics you do" [knowing smile]

subtle. but very effective. she got it. it could have gone either way at that point.

were going to have a drink sometime this week. Some days I want to hug myself.

sarah palin

gotta give my buddy kevin credit for finding this article. Rather than just steal it from his site, Im going to post a link to his blog to read it because its a good blog anyway.

http://thatbirdhouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/rack-me.html

6 months at my job? Really?

Has it been 6 months?

I say this a lot to people I know but the passage of time is really starting to freak me out. I already have a fear of getting old, I can only imagine how long a year will seem when I am 60.

I graduated in '04 so I have been in Austin 4.5 years already.

I still vividly remember having a beer with Craig on my 21st birthday in Houston. That was 9 years ago.

When you are a kid people tell you to enjoy being young. But a year feels like an eternity. You count the days until your next birthday where you can clean up with presents. "Don't be in a rush to grow up" You don't understand the advice at all.

I know in ten years I am going to look back on the months around this period of my life and shake my head at how quickly they went. Its kind of sad and beautiful at the same time.

There is truly no time to waste. Time is the only currency worth concerning yourself with. Its dispersed in little packets of 24 hours per day and if you piss it away on a life less than you deserve its no one else's fault but your own.

At the end of my life I can see how that will be the biggest tragedy of all. More than fortunes wasted, broken hearts or some other crushing defeat. Wasted time. Hesitance, procrastination and complacency. Terrible things.

differing opinion on the bailout

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/01/paul.qanda/index.html

I honestly don't know people. Could the bailout be a bad thing? Should we allow the market to correct itself? Is this simply a cleansing? Will the bailout simply cause more problems and lead us into a depression?

Glad I'm not responsible for the decision. Too bad it will probably affect me eventually.

lets be healthy

I woke up this morning around 7 and decided to go for a run. It was cool out and I thought it would invigorate me.

Wow I am out of shape. The run gave me a massive headache right around my ear. Weird. Then rather than waking me up and leaving me refreshed and ready to start my day...I went back to bed until when I usually wake up. Funny stuff.

Im still going to try to keep it up. Seems like the right thing to do.

Gotta be honest

I kinda miss that girl. She was cool. I have to examine my emotions and realize I barely know her and spending one day with someone is nothing.

but she had a great energy about her. And something tells me she doesn't want to persue anything beyond this weekend (and I dont know if the long-distance thing is worth attempting anyway so I cant blame her.)

The one thing I am going to take from it is the fact that I grew a pair and approached her. I remember the moment before I did. I almost talked myself out of it but took a sip of beer, quietly muttered "fuck it" and went for it.

Next thing you know were watching stars' set at ACL, dancing around and making out. And she was gorgeous. she was smart. she was fun.

sigh. "fuck it"

and in completely unrelated news....the dow just tanked today. the bailout was rejected. And Im probably not going to be getting a new, used car anytime soon. I checked my retirement fund and only lost a bit. No telling what tomorrow will bring.

I'm no economist but I bet losing over 700 points in the stock market in one day is bad for everyone.

Now thats a weekend...

Saturday we recorded our piano parts on a giant piano. It was great. Once again my skills came into question as I recorded and rerecorded the same thing over and over, continually screwing up. At one point I had to step away and collect myself. I was completely psyched out.

But I think it turned out fine and we are moving forward with the little things like xylophone, horns and vocals. Of course those aren't little things but 80% of the EP is done. Daniel (ONOM) is doing us a huge favor and we are very thankful for this opportunity. Its sounding better and better.

I met a girl from Houston on Saturday night. I was with Jessica and Jay and some other people. I got the green light eye contact and manned up and said something. Jessica got pissed but it was worth it.

I ended up hanging out Sunday at ACL with her and her friends. She's an awesome girl. Beautiful, bouncy, vibrant. But shes a houstonian. Damn the luck. Keep on truckin. Still it was a great time. Now I need to repeat this with girls who live here.

ACL was nice. Stars, Racauntours (sp?), Foo Fighters, all did what they did well.

I smoked too many cigarettes again. I think Im going to go 2 weeks without another.

And thats it. Thank you for your attention. =)

did anyone see

Pakistan's president mentally (and verbally) undress Sarah Palin?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/24/palin.pakistan/index.html#cnnSTCText

historic shit

Interesting times. Im thinking these last few days are going to be in our children's history books.

"Remember when overpaid CEOs and overzealous lending nearly caused the destruction of America grandpa?"

"I sure do. I was trying to decide between McCain and Obama at the time, what with the election being about a month away. Palin had just given a series of excruciatingly painful and nonsensical interviews with Katy Couric (which helped seal the deal for me), I just turned 30 years old, I had a band at the time and your grandma was still married to Ryan Reynolds."

ignoring people

I saw this girl I used to work with in the convenience store across town today. I had to go to round rock and pay a ticket.

She was younger (adorable) and we had a good connection insofar as a work relationship goes. Yet I am certain she noticed me today and completely pretended she didn't see me.

She hovered in the same area for too long as I paid and kept her gaze in one place as I walked out. You can always tell that sort of thing, like a sixth sense.

Of course I have been guilty of that as well, which is why it didn't really hurt my feelings. But it got me thinking, why we do that? Especially people we got along with.

It's like seeing someone out of the social context we knew weirds us out. Maybe its just that we don't want to expend the energy in small talk. Whatever it is, its always has more to do with me and never the other person.

I tell myself she felt like she looked like crap and didn't want me to see her that way. And that is obviously the situation... because I say it is. =)

One time I saw a guy I see practically every other weekend out in Austin. He was beside me in his car during traffic. I looked over and noticed him and could tell that he was trying hard to appear casually looking forward or changing the radio, looking to the right excessively etc. (I have done that to people and I know whoever reads this has too)

The funny thing was we were constantly pulling up beside each other as the flow of each lane shifted with traffic. It must have been excruciating for him to keep pretending he didn't see me. I found the whole thing absurd and very very funny.

He texted me the next day and asked if I have any shows coming up. People are weird.

Iran and Larry King

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/09/23/ahmadinejad.us/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

Complain about the times we live in all you want, but I find it fascinating that we live in an age where we can see an interview with one of our biggest "Threats" with Larry King.

amazing.

sometimes songs write themselves

I woke up today and had the following line in my head...

"it was a bad day for the movies"

I have since began playing with lyrics for it. We have this really fun quirky song we have been building for awhile and I think it would go perfect with it. Daniel might be against it because he
has already began singing to it. But this song will be a departure from both of our writing...less "I" based and more imagery based. The potential for cool concepts and imagery are limitless...

loaded up on pleasantries
counted out hyperbole
making friends with enemies

it was a bad day for the movies

here we are...

as I stand here and view the landscape as an official 30 year old I notice something...

I don't feel different than I did yesterday.

=)

I'm just glad I didn't pour a lot of money into the stocks recently. That would have really pissed me off.

Had drinks with Natalie and Sam last night. I hoped to get home and clean up a bit but happy hour lasted until about 11 pm and then i was drunk and ready to hear the magnetic fields so I just spent the next hour laying on my floor marveling at how badass stephen merritt is.

Got lots of nice text messages wishing me the best. Calls from family singing to me and a pack of cigarettes with a bow on it. heh. Help me celebrate my getting older with something that will surely shorten my life.

ACL this weekend. I'm going to miss it. We have all day Saturday blocked out to record pianos so that's more exciting to me anyway.

Been sleeping weird. Part old mattress that needs replacing and part racing mind. I dreamed I was on a date with a woman and her face started contorting and shifting into horrible disfigurement and then back again. and then she went crazy on me and started getting all hysterical in my face. I woke up disturbed.

And I think I have been buzzed for about a week straight. Stupid. I need to take it easy for awhile.

Oil

Check out Kevin's blog about a coming crisis. Damn him for making me think about it.

http://thatbirdhouse.blogspot.com/

birthday shenanigans

Great weekend. Kevin and Demetria came down to help me celebrate. The party went well. Lots of folks, lots of beer etc.

Several musician friends of ours were there so we all had some really fun impromptu jamming where I basically just sat on the floor and screamed my lungs out while everyone just riffed off of each other.

It was great having Kevin make it. It meant a hell of a lot to me.

The actual day is tomorrow. First day of fall. First day of 30. Everyone keeps telling me I'm going to love this decade. I believe them.

my humor is out of touch...

I thought the new Microsoft ads with Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates were brilliant. I guess that's why they have been pulled. It would seem that TV bigwigs think American's are a bunch of slack jawed yokels who need to be spoon fed our information...I guess most people do...

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/19/microsoft.seinfeld.ap/index.html

I am aware that its an advertisement so its inherently evil, of course. =)

But it was funny stuff. Viva Seinfeld.

Yikes

"Wall Street emerged from the weekend in crisis mode and with a completely reshaped financial sector. At the forefront of the crisis is Lehman Brothers (LEH: 0.21, -3.44, -94.24%), which after 158 years in business filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection as it becomes the latest victim of the credit crisis. Valued at $639 billion, Lehman's is the largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history -- easily surpassing the collapses of Enron and WorldCom combined."

Hurricane and bye bye house

Hurricane Ike hit Houston and flooded the hell out of it. Mom and Grandma are safe but without power so they are heading to Dallas until things get back to normal.

Im curious to see how the house in Channelview is holding up. Speaking of...

Grandma will sign the papers to sell it soon. She found a buyer and things are moving forward. Looks like a final trip to see the house is in order for me. I need to buy another camera because I lost mine. I have most of the rooms already with my old camera but the backyard needs to be photographed. Ill just have to do it with whatever damage the hurricane caused in the pics.

Politics is usually not my bag....

but I completely agree with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6urw_PWHYk

If McCain dies (which is a very good statistical possibility) then we will have a creationist, book banning, politically inexperienced person as the commander in chief. A hockey mom with her finger on the button. Scary stuff.

And yes actors don't have the answers to politics, this is simply Mr. Damon's opinion but one I completely agree with. I'm glad someone with his star power said this.

Hells Kitchen

So one of my goals is to learn to cook well. Last night I finally got off my ass and got started.

my first seasoned meal ever. 30 years in the making...

chicken breast w/

Herb de Provence
Red Wine Vinegar
minced garlic
olive oil
celery salt

I basically put the chicken on and added what I thought was a good amount of each.

Through in some mixed vegetables on the side and viola!

I would love to say I was genius enough to pick out these spices myself but my co-worker Elizabeth told me what to buy. It was surprisingly good and I look forward to getting good enough to kick some serious ass in the kitchen.

wow this post is probably the most boring post yet. screw you voice in my head.

A man's last words

I like to watch Ultimate Fighting. The days of the almost unwatchable brutality have been replaced with graceful mixed martial arts and stringent rules keeping the fighters safe. Dont get me wrong, it makes boxing look tame. Its really the only "sport" that I can watch and not lose my attention after a few minutes.

You would think the guys who do it would be total meat head morons. Quite the contrary, they are some of the most honorable, disciplined men in sports in my opinion.

I just read about a UFC fighter who recently died and was pretty touched/fascinated by it. He was found in the desert today. Apparently he liked to go on adventures of self discovery and this one was too much for him. I related to one of his final blog posts about his decision to take this trip. Its a terrible thing and he even contemplates the risk of death in his blog. I don't even know how long this blog post will be up before someone pulls it down. I had to do some searching to find it....

Here is the late UFC champion Evan Tanner's suprisingly eloquent blog post entitled Treasure Hunting in the Desert.

"It's Saturday night. I'm not out on the town socializing, not hanging out with friends, not chillin, watchin movies. I'm sitting on my couch beside a stack of books, listening to some Eddie Vedder, reading about the Southern California desert.

I'm hoping that very soon I'll be sitting out in the quiet of the desert beneath a deep blue midnight sky, listening to the calm desert breeze. The idea going into the desert came to me soon after I moved to Oceanside. It was motivated by my friend Sara's talk of treasure hunting and lost gold, and my own insatiable appetite for adventure and exploration. I began to imagine what might be found in the deep reaches of the untracked desert. It became an obsession of sorts.

"Treasure" doesn't necessarily refer to something material.

Today, I ran to the store to pick up a few things, and with the lonesome, quiet desert thoughts on my mind, I couldn't help but be struck with their brutally stark contrast to my current surroundings, the amazing congestion in which we exist day to day. The landscape as far as I could see, crowded, choked, with me and the rest of the species, an almost writhing mass of organisms, fighting over space and resources,....on the highways, in the parking lots, on the sidewalks, and in the ailse of the stores. And to think, there are still places in the world where man has not been, where he has left no footprints, where the mysteries stand secure, untouched by human eyes. I want to go to these places, the quiet, timeless, ageless places, and sit, letting silence and solitude be my teachers.

I've been gathering my gear for this adventure for over a month, not a long time by most standards, but far too long for my impatient nature. Being a minimalist by nature, wanting to carry only the essentials, and being extremely particular, it has been a little difficult to find just the right equipment. I plan on going so deep into the desert, that any failure of my equipment, could cost me my life. I've been doing a great deal of research and study. I want to know all I can about where I'm going, and I want to make sure I have the best equipment.

One more week. I think one more week, and I'll be ready to go."

Around the Bend

so all my fun goals for my 30th are falling through.

No Europe.

No Big show at the children's museum.

I could be unhappy but I'm not. We are going to have a party an Daniel's house on the 20th. No music but plenty of fun

And we'll have a show sometime around the 2nd week of October.

I'm actually looking forward to this "milestone". I live in one of the greatest cities in America. I am finally making ok money in a job I actually like and the women around here are ridiculously hot. Our EP is going to open a lot of new doors that have been previously unopened for us.

I tend to battle with contentment and optimism from time to time but thats only because I'm pushing myself (both consciously and unconsciously) to live the life I know I deserve.

I want a kickass band that develops a decent following

I want a beautiful, smart, sexy woman who I am crazy about

I want a decent income that allows me to save and do cool things

I want a group of friends that are positive and fun to be around

I want excellent health so I have the energy necessary to have this life

Now what can I do to make these things a reality? Sometimes it seems impossible but tonight it seems very very simple.

I used to dread leaving my 20s. But I never had this kind of clarity. The world felt like it was controlling me, rather than my controlling it. But in these last few months Ive gone from a job I hated, no creative outlet and no confidence.....to the polar opposite of these things. And none of it happened purely by chance. It was a perfect combination of effort, following up with opportunities that presented themselves, and an honest belief I was on the right track.

My thirties are going to kick some ass.

good mojo

the recordings are still moving along...

Last night was something I had been dreading for weeks.

We have a part in one of our songs where I wail on the electric (as much as I can wail) and when we do it live its something that sort of just hits me and I nail it, but in the studio I felt stilted/psyched out, the tone wasn't right, and it was all around crappy sounding.

Well our super talented engineer Daniel found a guitar effect in his computer that sounded amazingly similar to our live sound. This of course is amazing to me because believe it or not guitar tone is mind-numbingly complex, but within minutes Daniel found something that was damn close.

A few takes and I nailed it. I was sweating balls too. I had to do it right. I hope it sounds good after going back and listening to it. Either way everything is still moving forward bit by bit. We have some shows coming up soon as well. We havent played since late July. =(

dating update...

My recent experiences involve

an emotionally unstable ex-stripper (not near as cool as it sounds)

a cutie at the pool (with a boyfriend)

stubble (ew)

amazing conversation with an angelina jolie protege (that lead to nothing at all)

date with a teacher older than me (not sure how I feel about her)

gonna keep truckin....

Sounds about right

A few years ago I liked this girl. She was a beautiful Hispanic girl who wrote incredible lines of introspective poetry. Though I felt a childishness in her persona, I knew somewhere in there was something real that I felt I would never get the chance to meet. That kind of tragedy is like a magnet for me. I wanted her for myself. But she chose the drug addicts and wild eyed in hopes of saving them.

One night, drunk, I emailed her a Bob Dylan song. I don’t know why I did it but I had just discovered it and wanted her to experience it like I had. It knocked me on my ass. So out of the blue I sent her an email telling her she really needs to give Bob Dylan a chance. I then copied the following song for her to read. This song is one of the best songs ever written in my opinion.

'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

And if I pass this way again, you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her, on that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved.
Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail,
Poisoned in the bushes an' blown out on the trail,
Hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair.
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Now there's a wall between us, somethin' there's been lost
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much, it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker, he blows a futile horn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I've heard newborn babies wailin' like a mournin' dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love.
Do I understand your question, man, is it hopeless and forlorn?
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation an' they gave me a lethal dose.
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

Well, I'm livin' in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born.
"Come in," she said,
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

I didn’t see her for a couple years and finally saw her at a show recently and got the chance to talk to her. We were talking about music and she started gushing about Bob Dylan. I made a joke and said he “fucking sucks.” She looked at me dumbfounded and aghast. I laughed and asked her if she remembered me sending her the song a long time ago.

She shook her head and then sort of pretended like she recalled it vaguely…

And that is my experiences with beautiful women in a nutshell.

Things are...

good......

=D

the bachelor party (rather tame)

So me and 7 other guys went to Corpus to celebrate our friend Todd's bachelor party. I had a lot of fun but it wasn't near as crazy as it could have been. Most of the guys were married or had serious girlfriends so myself and the only other single guy were a bit outnumbered. He was a divorcee with a 5 year old. And 3 years younger than me.

Something tells me this situation is going to be a more common occurrence as the years go by. It seems all the people I know are getting married or are damn close to it around the age of 28 or so. I am that one friend that everyone has...that one guy who just cant hold down a girlfriend. The guy people hope meets a nice girl soon. Sometimes envied, sometimes pitied; all depending on the state of each man's union with the aforementioned significant other. I'm okay with that. Every situation has its perks.

Still it was good to meet new people and have some laughs this weekend. Glad to be back in Austin though. And those boxes aren't going to unpack themselves.

I'm going crazy not having the internet at home. I think its the one thing I really couldn't do without. Tomorrow the glorious Time Warner dude will show up and connect me to the world again.

New Place

So my new place is big, clean and very cool. and no visits by apparitions so that's nice.

The kitchen has a lot of white in it, large windows and the ceilings are very high so it really feels opened up which is a new experience for me. The cabinets and appliances are all white so it really has a clean look to everything too. Very Macintosh.

Its also the first gated community I have ever lived in. I liked the old place but when you come outside and see a car on 4 blocks of concrete with every tire missing, it can sort of get you concerned. I know something as simple as a gate would have probably saved the guys tires. Lucky for me I have a car that thieves point at and laugh.

I spent all day yesterday running around like a madman. Movers, cleaning the old place, unpacking the new place. The damn movers took me for 320 bucks. I misunderstood their pricing policy. I still tipped the guys well, it wasn't their fault so I hope the karma of that was worth it all.

This post is boring. Try the one before this one. =)

The stranger in my apartment

Okay so I consider myself to be a pretty practical guy. Paranormal subjects are something I take with a grain of salt and anything beyond my immediate reality is heavily questioned and scrutinized. I don't claim to have any answers or definitive beliefs as to what lies beyond the senses I was born with. I know there is probably a world beyond them but I cant claim to know anything about them or talk about them as if I did.

That being said I had the weirdest experience last night.

I am in the middle of packing for my move so my apartment is in a complete state of disrepair. I took apart my bed last night so it would be easier to load when the moving guys show up. Since I didn't have a bed I decided to sleep on the couch.

In the middle of my sleep last night I had a sudden strange feeling. Like an all-body physical sensation with a strong feeling of some other presence in the room. Kinda like a deep shudder but no movement. Tingling all throughout my body. (I hope that gives a good idea of the feeling)

This sent me from my deep sleep into a half-sleep, half awake state. I remember thinking how odd the feeling was and though I was a bit scared to, I slowly forced my eyes open. And it was hard because I was very tired. This is where it gets weird.

I don't know how to explain this but when my eyes finally opened, several feet from me I caught what made out to be a man slowly walking past my couch. I was too scared to move for a second. Without pause or hesitation in his stride he walked up to the wall, melted into it and was gone.

Now like I said I don't know about paranormal things. I also understand that the brain is pretty amazing and dreams can often seem like reality. And of course I was in a half-conscious state but it was probably one of the more surreal experiences of my life. Because I am almost certain that I did wake up enough to actually open my eyes. It was dark in my apartment but I could see enough of him to make out that it was a man. He wasn't like a ghostly vapor or anything. This looked like the back of a man, a few feet away from me walking by my couch. It only seemed otherworldly when he stepped through the wall.

So is it possible to dream things with your eyes open?

I couldn't move. I wanted to make some sort of "holy shit" kind of vocalization but couldn't. Another weird thing about it all was I was actually rather calm about it. Typically I can be pretty jumpy at night but I was almost paralyzed from this experience. He didn't feel like a threat of any kind so I don't even know if fear is the accurate word to use. His walk was very slow and if he had noticed me at all, it was before I actually opened my eyes. He just walked up to my wall and went right through it.

After a few seconds of processing what I saw I remember thinking that if this was real and if he was some sort of spirit or whatever that he probably means me no harm. I then closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

If it was a dream it was hands down the most surreal dream I have ever had. And I did it with my eyes open. And if it was some paranormal experience then I don't know what to say.

First what the hell are they doing wandering around? The last thing I want to do is wander around after I die. Was there a purpose for his visit? He didn't say anything or turn back and look at me after I opened my eyes. The feeling that woke me up was pretty crazy though. The actual thought of it now is more scary than the experience. I was definitely in an almost trance like state from having just woken up but the fact is something happened that stirred me and I saw something when I opened my eyes. Who knows.

I know my grandmother has nursed several people to a peaceful death and she tells me stories of these people all having similar experiences right around the moments of their passing, saying they see people who aren't there etc. Its always been fascinating to me but something I decided not to spend too much time speculating about. Either way I don't feel like I am in any danger.

The really funny thing is I have another night in that apartment on that couch. I think Ill turn the kitchen light on or something.

feast or famine part II

Before I make my way into Austin's robust night life I feel like continuing the last post. Hell this could become a complete series, its that interesting to me.

First, the recordings are coming along VERY NICELY. I am loving a big portion of what we are doing.

anyway.

I don't really dress up much when I go out. There's something about wearing an oversized collared shirt and black shoes etc etc that makes me feel homogeneous and boring. Being a skinny guy I feel that I look best when I actually wear clothes that accentuate my frame rather than conceal it.

Which gets me thinking about attraction. I cant lie and say that my build doesn't affect my self esteem at times. I guess I could start working out but it would take a whole lot of it to get me beyond the point of being overly thin. I did it for awhile and I got very cut but still remained super thin. It really didn't make a difference in my dating life at all.

So the bottom line is attraction really isn't about that. I feel like I have dated some exceptionally beautiful women who really dug me physically. I have also seen that face of "ew he is sooo skinny". Once again its a numbers game and it all comes down to personal choice.

Of course the cool thing about women that I have found is a lot of their attraction is based on factors independent of looks. I have started with very neutral women and by a combination of teasing and complete lack of concern for her opinions have "created" attraction where there was none before.

And here comes that whole metaphysical thing again. It surrounds us and its real and can be applied here as well...

You can shape your reality by your thoughts alone. If you think you are the shit, strangely enough so will other people. I didn't say be a dick. Confidence and arrogance are separate things.

I knew some very normal looking women that thought they were the shit so lo and behold I suddenly began questioning myself. "Look at her. She thinks she is the shit. Well....Maybe she is the shit...hmm."

So tonight I am going to go out and celebrate my friend Jay's birthday. Its a beautiful evening, I am just getting my life started and I have so much the be thankful for. Good job, good band, good friends, good family, good fucking life.

So bring on the wispy, lithe and nubile 20 somethings in summer evening dresses.

feast or famine

the dating world is such a strange and frustrating beast.

I find that I am either swimming in options or crawling alone in the Sahara chasing mirages.

Theres something almost metaphysical about it too. Like everything else I experience, I notice a sort of hidden world behind things and sometimes the stars align and I am mr. mojo. I go out and notice women responding to me differently. New girls return my calls and meet up with me. Sex comes along and I'm not even trying.

Then you have moments where its nothing but unreturned phone calls and not a glance for weeks. Promising leads crumble for no reason at all. A circle of negative self esteem begins again.

The truth is women should have absolutely 0 effect on my feelings of worth but thousands of years of genetics are against me. We are all here because our forefathers and mothers were the ones who did not get weeded out of existence due to natural selection. The strong survived, got it on and here you stand.

I've read that rejection affects the same areas of the brain as physical pain. It makes sense. Thousands of years ago, rejection from your tribe meant your genes stopped with you. So the male develops a hypersensitivity to not be rejected. It hurts when it happens. Literally.

Of course tribes are long gone and the pool has grown considerably but I don't think our brains have moved beyond the stone age. This is a topic I could wax on about for days.

In terms of modern dating I see it like this. Lets take 2 relatively attractive young people, one man and one woman. (And of course I am speaking in generalizations)

1. The woman's job is sifting through her available options that she is barraged with.
2. The man's job is lead generation.

Hot women wait. Being alone is something that just doesn't happen to them often. Men, assuming they are not famous, crazy rich or brad pitt good looking have to play a numbers game. Its definitely how I have to approach things. I get phone numbers like nobodies business.

If I have 10 numbers in my phone 6 will not respond. 2 will text but never meet up. 2 will probably meet me, I might get a kiss out of them but the second date usually comes down to that 1 woman left. So the secret for success in the heterosexual dating realm if you are a man is simply put your ego and genetics aside and work the numbers.

A dirty little beast indeed.