our endless numbered days

I finally made it into Houston to film the house as well as go to Kevin's birthday party.

The house gets more dilapidated every time I visit. Hurricane Ike trounced the deck and pier. Cats run amok and create smells upstairs that Kevin summed up nicely. "Putrid".

But the weather was perfect as Kevin and I stood on the boathouse porch overlooking the river. Craig dropped by. The moon was bright and the water peacefully reflected it. That's something I will miss a lot. That brisk breeze coming over the water at night. We all mentioned how nice it was. Still, there was a lot of silence.

There is so much to say about it. Its been a very important little piece of property for a lot of people. Its a bit disappointing to know that my level of sentiment is most likely not going to be shared by most people. But that is just me. I get nostalgic over the stupidest little things. Its a weakness as much as a strength.

When I worked at the radio station, I remember the last day I was on air I carefully chose the songs I was going to play (i snuck in one of my acoustic songs too). But I remember thinking as I was sitting in that control booth alone at about 7pm that this is going to be the last time I will probably ever do this kind of thing. I don't really have a strong desire to do it again but the knowledge that I am doing something for the last time always makes me a little sad. So I played my set, finished on Nick Drake's Pink Moon, said goodbye to the 5 people probably listening and went home.

The house in Channelview is an exponential version of that moment. Its like saying goodbye to the first 20 years of my life. Its not the house. Its the fact that the house and that yard are a catalyst for all the memories made there.

Once its gone I am afraid countless moments of my life worth remembering are going to drift back into my subconcious, never to be recalled again. Thats the tragedy. Screw the house. Let it fall. Its time for that. But if there was some other way to fire off my memory to recall things I want to hold onto forever, show it to me. Ill become a lifetime subscriber.

And thats why friends are important. If they shared moments with you they can help you remember too. Craig and Kevin mentioned things last night I probably would have never remembered.

I know we only live in the present, and allowing yourself to be frozen in the past is a sure-fire way to be tossed around and victimized by Change. I am guilty of this sometimes. Everything around me is flying by...people are married, divorced, dying, healing, graduating, all at speeds that scare me. If I don't saddle up and hold on I will surely be left behind.

So I will curtail the waxing nostalgic for that house now. At least outwardly. It would probably get annoying to everyone around me. :)

But the greatest thing I realize out of this...

The fact that we are human and can build connections with people replaces the need for the physical objects that hold on to our memories. Our friends and family can remind us. I dont need the house. I have the people who experienced it with me. And even though we are constantly changing I always have them to help me remember.