Failure Makes Me Feel Alive

Its the end of an era. 2 years of soul numbing coffee breath.

I was fired from my place of employment and I couldnt be more relieved. Aside from the ego lies about my being a failure I am at peace with it. I spent the whole time assimilating with people I have nothing in common with and trying to make money for money's sake. Not to be melodramatic but it truly numbed my soul.

Why did you do it for so long?

good question voice in my head.

I think Ive spent a lot of my life being what I think will make me safe. But after making 50K a year and having the 401K and dental insurance I think safety is a fucking joke. I could safely go get a cavity filled and head back to work, fresh faced and ready for more but I don't think I can do it anymore. I left on good terms. I actually liked my manager. He was a nice guy. I wish them all the best but its time to move on.

My music is my life. Plain and simple. Creating something bigger than myself is why I am here. I feel alive with unlimited opportunity. I have some freelance stuff and a commission check keeping me afloat for the time being. It could explain my confidence but something tells me its more than that. I lived someone else's life for 2 years and I cant do it anymore. I had the chance to fight for it, but I just could not bring myself to do it.

The universe is on my side. I do not choose peace. I do not choose comfortable weekends logging in remotely. Some people turn 50 realizing this. Sweet precious time, you are on my side.