Dream - Death and the Cave

had another dream that felt important.

I was back at the old house. Down the hill was a cave. There was a staircase that lead to a very dark section of the cave. In this dark little section was a seal that if you sit on it, spirits surround you and visit you. The only catch is when you take part in this experience, you die.

For some reason my grandmother told me that I had to take part in this. She was younger. Maybe in her 50s, early 60s. She wasn't deeply upset telling me this. It was more like something bittersweet and to be accepted. I found myself walking down the hill alone towards this cave. It sort of reminded me of Empire Strikes Back when Luke went into that part of the forest alone and fought himself. I think as I was walking to this cave I thought of that in my dream. But all trace of irony and humor was lacking here. I was heavy with the realization that I was literally walking down the hill to my death.

I went into the cave and saw the staircase. It was dark and scary but I remember being disconnected from the fear enough to remain pretty calm. The realization of this being my last moments alive dawned on me and I went back outside awhile to take in the world one more time. The sun was setting and reflected off the water like thousands of gold flecks. I was acutely aware of the beauty of everything. It was a windy day. I didn't want to leave.

I walked back into the cave, looked at the staircase and then completely changed my mind and left. The dream gets totally random at that point so nothing really worth talking about but that part was so grave and sad. I was totally alone. Enjoying the world one last time before walking up that narrow stone staircase into the darkness, to my death. I couldn't do it. I was supposed to. But I didnt.