V day

meh.

I have been seeing a gal for a short time. She informed me we have been on 9 dates so that is definitely more than my typical experience. Shes getting cooler as I hang with her. Still its too early to do any Valentines things with her and I honestly don't really like this holiday anyway. Its kinda silly to me.

But what it makes me think about is one of my biggest challenges that keeps me from just up and traveling to work in various parts of the world. One simple word. Loneliness.

Anaheim was hard at times. I spent so much time alone that I was dying to just hang out with someone. When I finally went on that date the last night, I was half crazy with boredom and loneliness. I think if I could rid myself of that emotion I would be able to have a much more interesting life. But so much of me cant function well without a familiar face to hang out with. Maybe I'm no different than most people but it would be nice to fully enjoy myself somewhere where I knew absolutely no one. At least quell it to a level that would allow me to be social without appearing weird or desperate. But I find it very challenging to not start feeling sorry for myself and that affects my interactions which perpetuates being alone. I pulled it off fine in Anaheim but there was a constant dull anxiety the entire time that I was actively battling. I bet with more experience I will get better at it.