should i listen?

Some dreams feel important. Some dreams feel stupid and random.

Should we listen to the important ones? I always seem to have these really poignant dreams right before I wake up. They end and it cuts through my sleepiness and my eyes open with the meaning of it right there in front of me. At least my searching for the meaning.

Since this is a blog I often wonder how much I should share. Probably going to keep this vague but Im sure 50 year old me can figure this one out someday.

Last night/This morning was a doozie of an emotional rollercoaster. I want to know if I should act on it. I want to know if its true. I want to know if my emotions are deceiving me.

I feel things changing. Different from a year ago. Sure there is change every year but not like this. I am in a headspace I have never been in before. Its good. At least most people would say its good.

I feel the old philosophy battling the new one. But the old philosophy's argument seems to be standing on shakier and shakier ground. The old philosophy was rooted in fear. And lack of clarity and direction. And it has made a lot of my decisions for me in the past. Years of living and acting in fear. Associating with those that share the same sentiment so I can feel safe in it.

If I choose to live in the old philosophy I will go to my death never having experienced life. And that is terrifying. I see people I am very close to who have lives I do not want. And the old philosophy is a superhighway to that life.

This should be enough to move forward. But there are loose ends. And my dream last night was one of the loose ends. There is a good argument to forget it and push forward. There is a good argument to turn around and tie this thing up. Either way I want to live in the new philosophy from here on out. I want to see it take shape even more.

Funny is I feel totally transparent right now.