i suck

tonights recording session was all me...and it sucked. I tried to lay down guitars for the 2 songs I brought to the table but it was entirely frustrating and I didn't do well. I feel like I wasted people's time and our money.

First, the tempos are not how I envisioned the songs so that affects how I play. Theres not a lot we can do now since the drums and bass have been laid down. I became self conscious of Daniel (the guy recording us) because I wanted to get it right quickly so he doesn't get frustrated with us having to do it over and over again (since we aren't paying him as much as most studios charge) Well I was in my head about this the whole time.

The good thing was Daniel (our Daniel) and I agreed that we will simply pay him more money if it means getting things right. (Our) Daniel said he doesn't know if he'll ever get the chance to do this again so he doesn't want to feel rushed and I completely agree with him. I will gladly fork over more money if it means we get more time to make things right. This is the biggest thing in our lives right now so its a big deal to take our time and make it good.

Basically I wasn't a very good musician tonight. In fact I listened back to the tracks and was pretty unhappy with everything. I know its just a bad night but I feel talentless right now. Like the songs suck anyway, this is stupid, what am I doing pretending to be a musician and songwriter.

almost as if my identity as an artist was threatened. nights like tonight make me doubt everything about this part of myself.

I'm going to bed.