split second honesty

We all have our personas we put on for everyone. People we hate. People we like. People we looooove.

I was thinking about this one girl I used to work for in my old job. For some reason I really got on her nerves (which was odd because at one point I was her favorite person there).

It was interesting when I would come around a corner or something and sort of surprise her with my presence. I noticed an uncontrollable reaction she would have of me for a split second. A reaction of something like disgust that would quickly dissipate into a pleasant persona. She couldn't hide it completely. She hated me. In turn I disliked her but since we were in the same department together I decided to live with it and do nothing about it.

It got me thinking. I can recall a lot of different people and their knee-jerk reactions to the first brief moments of my presence. Some were instant warming smiles, others were nervous shifty eyes but it would often quickly be buried underneath the same sort of pleasantry doling status quo reaction.

Pay attention to people's uncontrollable reactions to you. Watch their faces when you first run into someone. It tells a lot about how they feel. We all have associations to memories, objects, everything around us. I assume its based on past experience and is a way of understanding the world around us. Like how a baby thinks if mom walks away she ceases to exist until enough repetition shows that she is simply out of the room.

Or how red and blue lights flashing behind you when you are driving cause instant tension. Why? Were you born with that? Or is it your brain scanning your memories for similar experiences and firing off a reaction.

same thing when someone sees you. They have a general emotion they feel for you and for a tiny little moment, they cant hide it.

I'm shooting for the instant look of raw unbridled lust. Sadly its usually something else.