I've come the the conclusion that the biggest barrier for my success and happiness has nothing to do with the outside world.

I wrestle with motivation. But there is no one to blame for my situation but myself. I have a friend who just started making serious money. He has eclipsed me within a couple months. I feel that tinge of jealousy but I have to step back and see whats really going on.

Hes put in the work. Hes done the proper networking. Hes seeing the results. He does have a new sense of pride about it that could easily be taken for arrogance but that's his thing and my reacting to it does not serve me.

This situation reminds me why human relations can be so difficult. I could easily see this as a painful spotlight on my own disappointment in myself and retreat from the emotion somehow. This could manifest into jealousy that causes me to act differently around him and be an overall dick. I could see how most people would do this and never dissect it and understand it for what it is and just react. Because its hard to fight your own emotions in these situations.

I can see how your mind will find any other reason than the truth to hold onto for some sort of validation that this is anything but what it truly is. This fascinates me. Self-deception is wild. Its very real. It takes an honest effort on your part to look it straight in the face and not let it take over. I can see how few people can pull this off.